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I spent the rest of the day in bed, trying to relax, to rest. Orlando curled up with me as best he could, and for short periods of time, I could handle being in his arms, but it never lasted very long. I got up at six o’clock to get ready to go to work.

Just as I was pulling my hair into the required bun so it could be put under the wig, Elijah showed up at the door. I came into the living room to find the biggest fruit basket I’d ever seen. But when I opened it, there was no fruit inside, there was wine, CDs, and bath products. I had a feeling he didn’t pick it out himself.

“Thought you might need some cheering up after last night’s ordeal,” he said by way of explanation as I opened the basket and looked through everything. I smiled.

“Thanks, Elijah,” I said, taking the basket to my room. When I came back, he was settled on the sofa with a glass of wine in his hand.

“I guess we’re coming to see your show tonight,” he said, grinning at me. I couldn’t get over how bright his eyes were. They flashed as he spoke.

“Oh yeah?” I said, grabbing my purse from the coffee table and putting my pill bottle in it. “I didn’t know that.”

“I figured I’d take him to see what I’ve been raving about,” Orlando said, coming out of the kitchen. He handed me a glass of wine.

“How many times have you seen the show now?” I teased, taking a sip. “Before long you’ll be taking a part in it, you know it so well.”

He chuckled. “I don’t sing, love,” he said, flopping down beside Elijah.

“It’s not for lack of trying,” Elijah said, his grin firmly in place. “I seem to remember some rather poorly done Christmas carols on more than one occasion, and I’d prefer not to relive them.”

I laughed. “I can’t say I’ve ever heard him, so I don’t know,” I said, sitting down to put my shoes on. I stood up again. “I’ve got to get going, but I’ll see you both after the show, okay?” I went to Orlando and kissed him on the cheek. “I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you, too, darling,” he said, smiling up at me.

Of course everyone in the company knew what had happened with Sean by the time I got to the theatre a short time later. I put my nose in the air and kept my shoulders back, so as not to notice the pitying stares I was receiving. Janine didn’t mention the marks on my body, she simply covered them up, no questions asked. Nick hovered around me during the warm-up, and during my make-up application, until I finally told him to bugger off. I was just helping Janine secure my wig, when Adam came over to us, a huge smile on his face.

“Guess what I’ve got,” he said in a sing-song voice. He produced four tickets from somewhere and handed them to me.

“What’s this?” I said, looking at the tickets. “The Rent 10^th Anniversary Concert? How did you get these?”

He chuckled. “Sweetheart, I’m in the show,” he said, smiling. “The original cast is getting back together for it, and I thought you might like to see it. Bring Orlando, of course. It’s kind of an impromptu show, lots of fun and laughs.”

“Thanks, Adam,” I said, kissing his cheek lightly. I reached up to rub some green off him, since my paint hadn’t fully set yet, but I only made it worse, since my hands were green, too. I laughed. “You’d better get that off before we go on,” I said.

He accepted a cloth from Janine and wiped the paint from his face. “Are you going to be okay tonight?” he whispered, leaning down close to me. The scent of him filled my senses, and I was conflicted. Part of me wanted to hug him, and part of me wanted him to just leave. It was a horrible feeling.

“I’ll be all right when we get out there,” I said, nodding. “Just give me a minute, okay?”

“Sure, honey,” he said. He went into the wings. Janine finished with my wig, and I went into one of the change rooms to get myself together. I took my pills out of my dress pocket and quickly downed one, hoping it would take the edge off. I did some deep breathing, then hurried into the wings for the show.

I made it through the show just fine, up until “As Long As You’re Mine.” We had to kiss briefly during the song, and I froze. Adam saw the panic on my face, and covered by singing my part for me, until I got my bearings back. I had to improvise a harmony to get us back on track. I gave him a grateful smile and hugged him at the end of the song while he kissed my cheek. I had to shake it off and finish the show.

After the final curtain call, I ran off the stage, wanting nothing more than to be at home, in bed, with the covers pulled over my head. I was just gathering up my stuff after my shower when Nick came over to me.

“What the hell was that, Charlotte?” he demanded, looking not so much angry as surprised. “Adam totally saved your ass out there.”

I sighed. “I know he did,” I said, leaning on my dressing table, my head in my hands. “I’m just dealing with some stuff, and it’s going to take some time for me to get over it. I’ll do the best I can.”

“Honey, if you’re not up to performing, tell me and I’ll put Steph in for a few nights,” he said, patting my back. I winced and jerked away. “Wow, Sean really messed up your head, didn’t he?”

“To say the least,” I said bitterly. “I can’t even let Orlando touch me without freaking out. And it’s affecting how I do my job. But I can’t take time off now, it wouldn’t look good to the Tony voters. I need to be at my best every night, and give spectacular shows, or I’ll never win.”

“I’d rather have you well than have a Tony on your bedroom shelf,” he said, shaking his head. “Have you ever thought that maybe this thing needs to take its course? Maybe you need to not rush it.”

I stood up and grabbed my purse. “Easier said than done,” I said. “I have to get home. I’ll do better tomorrow night, I promise.” I hurried away before he could say anything more.

I met Orlando and Elijah in the lobby, where they were surrounded by the obligatory fans, so I waited patiently for them to finish before going over to them.

We were just chatting quietly, waiting for Lisa and Jeremy, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around to see a small woman with black hair and blond highlights staring at me. She didn’t look very happy.

“Charlie?” she said, somewhat rudely, as though my name was a bad word. There was something vaguely familiar about her, but I didn’t think I’d met her before.

“Yes,” I said. “Can I help you?”

“I’m Maryanne,” she said, as though that was supposed to mean something to me. When I didn’t react, she added, “Sean’s sister.”

I felt Orlando tense behind me, and a knot formed in the pit of my stomach. Now that I looked at her, she really did look like Sean. I tried not to show that she was upsetting me. “What can I do for you, Maryanne?” I said softly.

“You can stop lying about my brother,” she spat, pure hatred on her face. “He’s back in jail now because you made up some story about him trying to rape you.” She sneered. “We all know the stories, Charlie, we know you’re fucking most of the guys in the show.”

I stared at her, stunned. “What?” I said finally. “Did Sean tell you that?”

“No one needs to tell me you’re a whore,” she said. “I can see that for myself.” She glanced over my shoulder at Orlando and Elijah. “Sean said you liked ‘em famous, but good God.” She rolled her eyes in disgust.

“Wait a minute,” Orlando started, but I pushed him back. I wanted to deal with this myself.

“It’s okay,” I said over my shoulder. I squared my shoulders and faced Maryanne again. “Look, I don’t care what you think,” I said, keeping my voice calm. “You’re nothing to me, no one, and neither is Sean. You can think I’m a whore all you want, but that doesn’t make it true. The truth of the matter is that your brother is a monster, plain and simple, and he should be locked up and castrated for what he did to me. He couldn’t handle the fact that I rejected him, that I wanted nothing to do with him, and he took it upon himself to try to rape me. Either you’re blind or just choosing not to see it, but the bruising on my face is quite clear, and I can promise you I didn’t do this to myself. I’d appreciate it if you’d get your facts straight before you go popping off at someone you don’t even know. Otherwise, it makes you look ignorant and classless.” I surveyed her drab outfit with a critical eye. “But that doesn’t seem to be something you care about, now is it?”

“You’re a bitch and a whore, and I hope your sluttish ways blow up in your face,” she hissed, backing up a step. “All you ever did was hurt my brother, and you don’t even care. How dare you talk to me like that, when you’re clearly the one with no class, giving it up to anyone who asks, providing his paycheck is big enough. Sean said you’re fucking Pascal, too, and Lord knows he’s not selective. If he notched his belt for every slutty actress he’s banged, that belt could go all the way around the block, twice. For someone who’s had more shaft than an elevator, you seem to have a pretty high opinion of yourself. Well excuse me if I don’t fall at your feet, Charlie. I don’t tend to look up to whores.” She turned on her heel and walked out, slamming her way through the lobby doors.

I took a deep, shuddering breath, before turning around and burying my head in Orlando’s shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and rocked me gently back and forth while I got myself together. I was so upset, I didn’t even react to him. I just sagged against him while he stroked my back and held me close.

“Charlie, don’t let that bitch get to you,” he said into my ear. “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

I sniffed and squeezed him tighter. “Maybe she does,” I said softly, through my tears.

“What?” He pulled back slightly and tilted my face up so I was looking him in the eye. “You don’t believe that, do you?”

“I don’t know what to think,” I said. “What Sean said…” I stopped and shook my head. I wasn’t ready to talk about that yet. “Just forget it, okay?” I backed away from him.

“I won’t forget it, Charlie,” he said softly, yet sternly. “What the hell did that tosser say to you?”

“Nothing,” I said, trying to smile. “I need to deal with something, okay? I’ll meet you at home.”

“Are you sure?” His beautiful face radiated concern.

“Yeah, I just have to take care of something,” I said. “Don’t worry about me.”

He hesitated, then Elijah put his hand on Orlando’s shoulder. “We’ll see you at home, then,” Elijah said, pulling Orlando away. I hurried back into the backstage area.

“Adam?” I called, almost running through the dressing area, to the change rooms. I hoped he was still there. Something about what Maryanne had said bothered me, and I needed it cleared up. “Adam, are you here?”

One of the change room doors opened and he came out, still buttoning his shirt. His chest was bare for a moment, and any other time, I’d be taking in the sight, fighting to keep the lust I felt for him from overwhelming me, but now I blushed and looked down at the floor, waiting for him to finish with the buttons.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he said, coming over to me. He didn’t touch me, just stood in front of me.

“Sean’s sister was just here,” I said, fighting to keep my voice steady. “She said some not-so-nice things, and one of them was about you.”

He sighed. “What did she say?” he said, sounding weary.

“Something about belt notches and slutty actresses,” I said, amazed at how cool I sounded, how together. “Is that true?”

“Considering I’m technically still married, what do you think?” he said, though there was nothing harsh in his voice. It was a simple question.

“But that didn’t stop you from sleeping with me,” I pointed out. “You were married then, too.”

“What exactly are you asking me here, Charlie?” he said, his bright eyes searching my face. “Are you asking if you’re just a notch on my belt?”

It sounded so stupid as he said the words, I looked away, my face heating up. I don’t know why I cared, but I did. Reluctantly, I nodded.

“Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?” he said gently, but there was no scorn in his words. “Charlie, don’t think like that.”

“But we slept together so fast,” I said, tears welling in my eyes. “Was that what you wanted from me? Was that all I was good for?” I didn’t know where the words were coming from, and I couldn’t make them stop. My own sense of myself had been shaken by what Sean and his sister had said, and I burned with shame, because I’d thought I was above believing such tripe and was quickly proven wrong.

“Don’t ever say that,” Adam said, his voice husky, almost sad. “If that’s all you were, would we still be friends?” He hesitated. “Would I love you like I do?”

I looked up at him. “You do?” I knew he did, but he never said it, because of Orlando. It almost hurt to hear the words.

“Of course I do,” he said, smiling sadly. “I have since the first time you cried in my arms. You know that.”

“I try not to think about it,” I said, wanting to be honest. “But when Maryanne said that you were, well, promiscuous, I couldn’t help but wonder, you know?”

“Let me tell you a little story about Maryanne Bryant,” he said, sitting me down at my dressing table. He sat on the chair at the table beside mine and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “When I first started in this business, with Rent, in ’96, I ran into Sean a lot. He was just getting his footing, with small parts in a couple of the shows that were running at the time. He wanted to be in Rent, in my part, but they wouldn’t take him. He got into the chorus for a few months, but that wasn’t enough. When he was in the show with us, Maryanne started hanging around the theatre, going to every performance, hanging out with us afterwards.” He paused and shook his head. “She used to hit on me on a regular basis, and I was never interested. I was having too much fun being in the show, and I had a girlfriend at the time. She took it personally, and started spreading rumors about me, that I’d come on to her or something, and she’d rejected me, so I was sleeping my way through most of Broadway’s leading ladies to ease my broken heart. It was some bullshit like that. And Sean, because he was jealous, went along with it and helped tell the stories.” He grabbed my arms gently and looked into my eyes. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” he said softly. “But none of what she said was ever true.”

“She called me a slut and a whore, and a couple of other things,” I said, my voice shaky. “I’m not those things, Adam, I’m really not.”

“I know you’re not, baby,” he said, smoothing a piece of hair off my forehead. My head jerked slightly to the side. “You’re nothing but classy, and graceful, and every part of our intimate relationship was about mutual respect. You can probably count on one hand how many sexual partners you’ve had in your life, and I’m willing to bet you were either in love with them, or very close to them. If you were what Maryanne said you are, we’d still be sleeping together. But you’re in a committed relationship, and you treat that with the dignity and respect it deserves.” His last words seemed to hurt him, but he quickly shook it off.

“You’re right,” I said, sighing heavily. “But that doesn’t make me wonder any less. I mean, I slept with Orlando after only a few days, and you after not much longer. What does that say about my morals? About my opinion of myself?”

“It says that you’re a sexual person who recognizes that she has needs,” he whispered, his eyes darkening a bit, his voice hoarse and raspy. “There’s nothing wrong with that. And any of the men who’ve been lucky enough to share your bed will be able to tell you that you are absolutely beautiful when you’re making love. Don’t let Sean or his sister take that away from you, sweetheart.”

I blushed under his gaze, and smiled shyly. “You have quite a way with words, you know that?” I said, marveling at the open love on his face. He rarely looked at me like that anymore, and I found I’d missed it.

“Can I ask you something now?” he said, taking my hand gently.

“Of course.”

“Why did you come to me about this?”

“What?” I stared at him, confused.

“Why didn’t you go to Orlando to ask him these things, to talk to him about what was said?” he pressed, rubbing his thumbs over my hands, to my wrists. “Why did it bother you to think that I’d slept around?”

“I can’t really answer that,” I said slowly. “To be honest, it just never occurred to me to ask Orlando. I guess it’s because it’s not him Maryanne attacked.” I shrugged. “And it kind of bothered me to think I was just another addition to your list, you know? I like to think I’m special to you, and I know I am, but I’m just doubting everything right now.”

“I won’t tell you again how much I love you,” he said, reaching up to stroke my cheek gently. I didn’t pull away, his eyes were holding me there. “It seems unnecessary.”

“Not to mention painful,” I said, my voice barely audible. “I know it hurts you to see me with Orlando, and yet you never let on. You never make a big deal about it. Why is that?” I needed the stroke to my ego, to feel loved and needed, in the purest sense of the words.

“You don’t need any more complications,” he said simply, looking down at our hands instead of my eyes. “I know you love him, you made the choice to be with him, and I respect that. I’d rather be your friend than not be around you at all. And what good would complaining do? It’s not like you make a point of rubbing him in my face.” He smiled and glanced at my face again. “Besides, for two hours every night, you love me, and we can have what otherwise is wrong.”

I couldn’t deny that I loved him, I really did, and that being in the show with him gave me the best of both worlds. I got to be with him, but at the same time, I got to be with Orlando. Then something occurred to me.

“Adam, what happens if you go to London to do Aida?” I said, searching his face. “We won’t see each other.”

“Does that bother you?”

“Of course it does, silly,” I said, swatting his arm. “Just because I’m with Orlando doesn’t mean I don’t lo-, uh, care about you.” I caught myself before I told him I loved him. That was something we didn’t need at the moment. I was confused enough. “You’re one of my best friends now. I don’t want you to be an ocean away.”

“I’m seriously considering taking it, though, Charlie,” he said, pulling his hands away. “It might be nice to have a change of scenery, you know? You could always visit, though. It’s not like we’ll never see each other again.”

A heavy sadness settled in me at the idea of not seeing him every day, of not being able to touch him and talk to him. It wasn’t quite as strong as the sadness I felt at watching Orlando go again, but it was close. To tell the truth, I was getting tired of the men I loved taking off on me.

“Do you really think Orlando would be okay with me traveling to London to see you?” I said after a brief pause. “And even if he was, it wouldn’t be the same as what we have now.”

“And what exactly is that?”

“A very close friendship,” I said, standing up. He was suddenly too close. I could smell him, feel the heat coming from him, see the flecks of gold in his eyes. I was getting uncomfortable, not just with his physical presence, but with the way the conversation was heading. This wasn’t what I wanted to talk about, even though I’d brought it up. In the back of my mind, I thought it might have been easier for him to have told me I was just another notch on his belt, if it had been just sex, instead of love-making. I didn’t need to be conflicted like this.

“Charlie?” he said, rising too as I turned away from him. “Talk to me. There’s something you’re not saying.”

“I never should have started this,” I said, dashing away the tears that started to fall over my face. I winced as I hit the bruise on my cheek. “I should have just let Maryanne’s comments go. We’re opening a can of worms here, Adam, and we can’t do that.”

“Okay,” he said quietly, and I could feel him against my back, not quite touching me, but close enough. Part of me wanted to lean back into him, and the other part wanted to move away. I froze where I was.

“I have to go,” I said finally as our breathing began to speed up. There was no denying the chemistry between us, no denying the passion we easily ignited in each other. There was also no denying the fear and panic that was building in my stomach. I grabbed my purse and hurried out of the dressing area, leaving him standing there, a sad expression on his face.