Home

The next few days weren’t as bad as I’d thought they’d be. Orlando didn’t call, but then, I didn’t expect he would. I knew he’d be furious at what I’d left on his answering machine, but I didn’t care. I tried to push it from my mind and focus on my work and my friends.

About two weeks after I’d last talked to Orlando, Nick called me into his office at the theatre. We’d just finished a matinee performance, and I’d been looking forward to going home and relaxing before the evening show, but that thought went out the window when I saw the look on his face. I finished putting my wet hair into a bun on the back of my head, and followed him upstairs.

Nick’s office was a small room on the second floor of the theatre, at the end of the hallway, passed the rehearsal rooms. He hardly ever used it, claiming it made him feel old. To be called in there couldn’t be a good thing.

“Sit down, Charlotte,” he said as soon as he’d closed the door behind me. My mind was racing, trying to figure out what I’d done wrong, but I couldn’t think of anything. My performances hadn’t suffered because of my personal problems, I’d made sure of that, and my voice was in fine form. I folded my hands in my lap and waited for him to speak.

“How’re you doing, honey?” he asked as he sat down on the other side of his very cluttered desk. He wasn’t the most organized man in the world.

“I’m fine,” I said, slowly. “I’d be better if I didn’t feel like I was sitting in the principal’s office, waiting for detention. What’s going on?”

“The contract renewals arrived today,” he said, shuffling some papers around. “Yours wasn’t among them.” He studied me for a moment. “Are you leaving us when your contract is done?”

I sighed, relief flooding through me. Contract negotiations had started a few days prior, and I’d opted not to renew. I’d expected some grief from Nick and Lisa about it, but if that’s all this meeting was about, I had nothing to worry about.

“I need some time off,” I said, relaxing in my seat. “I’ve been here a year, with the same production, doing the same show eight times a week. You know how demanding that is. I just feel like I want to go home for awhile.”

“That’s your choice to make, honey,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “But I have to warn you that if you stop working now, you might not get jobs when you come back. There are a million girls out there who’d love to be you, to have your job right now, and there are spectacular talents like yours among them.”

“What’s your point?” I said, trying not to be snippy. He was basically telling me I wouldn’t work again if I left now, and I wasn’t sure I liked what I heard.

“My point is that in this business you can go from the top of the world to the bottom of the heap like that.” He snapped his fingers. “You’re young, you’ve got an incredible career ahead of you, if you play your cards right. I’m not saying you have to stay with this show, but Charlotte, think about it. Lisa said you haven’t even auditioned for anything else, or looked at the offers your agent’s been sending you.” He paused and lowered his eyes, shifting uncomfortably. “Does this sudden need for time off have anything to do with Orlando?”

I rolled my eyes. I hated the idea that he thought I was throwing my career away for a man. “Look,” I started, wanting to say everything just right so that I didn’t fly off the handle. “This has nothing to do with Orlando. We’re not together anymore, and no, before you even think it, I’m not nursing a broken heart by running home to my family. The truth is, I’m not sleeping right, I’m working myself to the bone to give top-notch performances, and I’m afraid that if I keep going like this, I’m going to make myself sick. If I want to, I have job offers in Toronto, but truth be told, I don’t want to go from one hectic job to the next right now. I’ve got eight weeks left on my contract, I’ll make the most of them, and then I’m done, I’m sorry.”

It was his turn to sigh. “As long as you’re sure,” he said. “Adam’s leaving for London in a month, Lisa’s done when you are, hell, my whole cast is abandoning me, it seems.” He suddenly looked older than his years. “I have to hire and rehearse a whole new group, because there are only four or five people staying.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said, feeling sorry for him. We’d all become so attached to each other over the past year, it was hard to imagine it coming to an end, but for Nick, we were his life, his family, and now we were leaving him.

“Yeah, well, what can you do, right?” he said, forcing a smile. “We’ve got eight weeks still to go, let’s make the most of them.”

We chatted for a while longer, and I went home. When I got there, the answering machine light was blinking. My apartment still felt strangely empty without Lisa, even though she’d been gone a few weeks. I only had an hour before I had to be back to work, so I decided to ignore the machine and make myself some dinner. I wolfed down my grilled cheese quickly, and went back to work.

By the time I got home that night, I was so exhausted, I forgot about the light on the machine. I threw my purse on the sofa and went right to bed.

But when I woke up the next morning, that light was still flashing. Without thinking, I pressed the button on my way to the kitchen to get my coffee, rubbing sleep from my eyes as I went.

“Charlie, it’s Aunt Tess,” came her cheery voice. “I just wanted to check in on you, sweetie. Call me when you get a chance. Love you!”

The machine beeped and the next message rang out. “Charlie, it’s Orlando.” I froze, my coffee cup half way to my mouth. “I figured since you deemed it appropriate to end our relationship on an answering machine, I could leave my response the same way.” His voice was cold and angry-sounding. “I’m sorry you feel the way you do, but I refuse to let you make me feel guilty for something I can’t control. I’ve apologized time and again, but if it’s not enough for you, then fine, so be it. We should have had our two weeks and left it at that.” He paused. “No, wait, I didn’t mean that.” His voice softened slightly. “Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say. We had a good run while it lasted, but I won’t insult you by asking if we can be friends. Take care of yourself, love.” He hung up.

I replayed the message over and over, until I couldn’t stand it anymore and hit the ‘delete’ button. It was a relief to hear that tinny electronic voice say, “Message erased.” It felt like closure, but I knew, deep down, that it really wasn’t. I couldn’t leave things the way they were, with us having broken up over our answering machines.

Sighing heavily, I picked up the phone and dialed Orlando’s cell phone. I was shocked when he answered it himself.

“Hey, it’s me,” I said, my mouth going very dry and my legs starting to shake.

“I didn’t think I’d hear from you again,” he said, surprise clear in his voice. “I’m guessing you got my message.”

“Yeah, I did,” I said, pacing the floor in front of the sofa. “I don’t want to leave things the way we did.”

“I don’t either, Charlie, but your message made it pretty clear where you stand,” he said, though he didn’t sound angry. He sounded almost indifferent, and that was worse than angry.

“I’m sorry about that,” I said, then re-thought my apology. “Well, I’m sorry I had to say it on your machine, anyway, but I’m not sorry for what I said. You know things haven’t been right between us.”

“To be honest, I just thought we were both too busy right now,” he said, though I could tell he didn’t really believe it. “But I think you’re right, we can’t keep doing this to each other.”

“I was hoping you’d see reason,” I said, smiling sadly. “Look, I don’t hate you, Orlando, I don’t think I could ever really hate you. But I can’t be with you, your life is too crazy for me. And is it really fair for your to be tied down right now, when you’ve got all this great stuff going on in your life?”

“It’s funny, I seem to remember having a conversation similar to this last year,” he said, attempting to chuckle. It came out kind of strangled, though, and I could tell he was fighting off tears, just as I was. Knowing it was right didn’t make this hurt any less.

“We seemed to have had the right idea from the get-go,” I agreed, stopping my pacing to look at a picture of us on top of the TV. “It just took us awhile to figure it out, that’s all.”

“Are you sorry we didn’t stop at two weeks?” His voice sounded far away and hesitant, like he was afraid of what my answer might be.

I thought about it for a moment. True, the past year or so had been hectic and painful at times, but it had been wonderful more often than not. I knew I’d be lying if I said I regretted not walking away. I told him as much.

“That’s how I feel, too,” he said.

“I didn’t want to fall in love with you, Orlando,” I said, amazed that tears weren’t streaming down my face, as they always seemed to be. “But you know, I’m really glad I did. Just because we couldn’t last forever doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth having while we had it, right?”

“At the risk of sounding pathetic, I don’t think I’ll ever really stop loving you, Charlie,” he whispered.

“There’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone,” I said, finally feeling relaxed enough to sit down in my arm chair. “We’re not breaking up because we hate each other, Orlando, so I think some of those feelings will always be there.”

“So what are you going to do now?” he asked, and I could tell he was relaxing a bit, too. The hard part was out of the way, there’d been no screaming or yelling, we were finally on the same page after so many weeks of discord.

“I’ve got eight weeks left here,” I said, toying with the tie on my robe, just to keep my hands busy. “Then I’m going to go home for a much-needed break. It’ll be nice to be normal for awhile. How about you?”

“We’re almost done filming, so I’ll be a free agent again soon,” he said. “I’m thinking of doing some theatre, taking some time away from movies. It’ll be nice to get back to my roots. But before that, I’m doing the same thing you are. I’m taking some time to just do whatever I want.”

“Sounds like a good plan, for both of us,” I said, smiling. And as we talked for a little while longer, I knew letting go really was the best plan of all.