Home

I spent the better part of the next day beside Dad’s bed, leaving only to get coffee or to make phone calls. Aunt Tess had already notified most of the family, but I still had to deal with Nick and the show, since I obviously wouldn’t be there for the performance that night. I got hold of Nick on his cell phone around noon.

“Nick, it’s me,” I said when he answered.

“Charlotte, Lisa told me what happened,” he said quickly. “You take as much time as you need, baby. Steph can fill in for you. Don’t worry about us.”

“Thanks,” I said, stifling a yawn.

“Did you get any sleep last night?”

“A bit, in the chair,” I said. My eyelids felt very heavy and I kept having to shake myself to stay awake.

“Don’t burn yourself out, sweetie,” he said, putting on his best ‘director’ voice. “I don’t need your voice to suffer from this, as cold as that sounds. Steph can’t handle the show for more than a couple weeks.”

“I’ll be fine,” I said, trying not to snap on him for caring more about the stupid show than about my family. “We’re just waiting for him to wake up. I shouldn’t be gone long.”

“If you need anything, just call, okay?” he said, going back to being my friend, and not my director. “We’re all here if you need us.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I need to get back inside. I’ll keep you updated.” I closed my phone and hurried back into the hospital.

A few hours later, when Aunt Tess had gone home to get a change of clothes and to drop Deanna at Uncle Damon’s, one of the nurses came into the room to check Dad’s vitals and fill out his chart.

“His pulse is strong,” she said, giving me a reassuring smile. Her nametag said Bridget, and she was a pretty little brunette with big blue eyes. She wasn’t much older than me. “He’s doing well, Charlie, don’t worry.” She busied herself with his chart for a minute, then came and sat beside me. “You know, if you’re interested, the night staff is watching the live webcast of the Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest premiere tonight. You’re welcome to join us, if you want to.”

I couldn’t help the small smile that crept over my face. “Yeah, I think I’d like that,” I said, nodding. At that point I’d do anything to see Orlando’s face. I’d had to stop myself from buying a teen magazine in the gift shop just because it had a picture of him in it.

“Nothing like gorgeous men to take your mind off your troubles, eh?” she teased, nudging me in the shoulder. “And Lord knows there are enough in that movie.”

“I won’t disagree,” I said, not sure what else to say. The fact that the people she was getting so excited about were friends of mine made me feel a bit weird, but I didn’t say anything.

“Are you a Johnny fan, or an Orlando fan?” she asked, grinning as she stood up again.

“I like them both, but I’m, uh, kind of partial to Orlando,” I said, giving her a tired smile.

“Me too,” she said. She grabbed Dad’s chart off the end of the bed. “He’s definitely a beauty, isn’t he? And I heard he’s really sweet, too.”

“He is,” I said absentmindedly as I glanced at my dad. I caught my mistake too late.

“Have you met him?” Bridget asked, her eyes bright.

“I mean, I’ve heard he’s a sweetheart,” I corrected myself. “Sorry, I’m just a bit tired.”

“That’s understandable,” she said, hugging my shoulders. “I’ll leave you be. The webcast starts at seven, at the Nurses’ Station.”

“Great,” I said as she left the room.

When Aunt Tess came back, I left to get some air before the webcast. While I was outside, my cell phone rang.

“Hello, darling,” Orlando’s cheery voice said as soon as I answered. “How are you holding up?”

I smiled, though he couldn’t see me. “I’m okay,” I said. “I’ve been invited to watch the webcast of the premiere in the Nurses’ Station tonight.”

He chuckled. “We’re just getting ready to go,” he said. “It’s madness. The red carpet is the longest I’ve ever seen, and there are fans at least fifteen-deep along every inch of it.”

“Just be careful while you’re out there, okay?” I said, my stomach churning nervously. I knew the fans meant well, but with so many of them, there was always a chance he could be hurt.

“There are so many security people wandering around here, we’ll be perfectly safe,” he assured me, his tone soothing. “If I know you’ll be watching, I’ll wink or something, okay? Just to let you know I’m thinking about you.”

“You don’t have to,” I said. “Just concentrate on being your gracious, beautiful self with the reporters and the fans.”

“They’re going to ask about you,” he said, a touch of bitterness in his voice. “They always do.”

“Then just say what we always do, and go from there,” I said. The pictures from the airport had been in all the newspapers, magazines, and tabloids, so we knew a new barrage of questions would be asked. It was inevitable.

“I know,” he sighed. He paused. “How’s your dad? I’m such a prat, I didn’t even ask.”

“It’s okay,” I said, smiling to myself. “You’ve got a million things on your mind today. I understand. He’s stable still, no real improvement, but he hasn’t gotten any worse, either.”

“I guess that’s good,” he said softly, more serious than he’d been the whole conversation. “I’m sorry, love, I really need to get ready. We’ll talk tomorrow sometime, okay?”

“Of course,” I said, though I was sad he had to go. “Have fun.”

“I love you, Charlie.”

“I love you, too.” We hung up. I sighed, looking at the phone in my hand, then went back inside.

Around five-to-seven Bridget came down to Dad’s room to get me. I felt guilty leaving Dad’s side, but I figured it would only be for an hour or so, and Aunt Tess was there with Grandma and Deanna, so he wasn’t alone. I kissed his cheek and followed Bridget down the hall.

The webcast started promptly at seven, and Orlando was quickly proven right. The crowds were huge, and most of the girls were holding signs and screaming out either Orlando’s or Johnny’s names. There was a feature from earlier in the day when Johnny had met the new “Jack Sparrow” in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at the park, and lots of celebrities who had nothing to do with the movie as they geared up to bring Johnny, Keira, and Orlando down the red carpet.

The nurses were all fairly young, and the excitement in the room was palpable. I sat amongst them, anxiously waiting to see Orlando’s beautiful face. I wasn’t alone in that. It seemed that while Johnny was agreed to be a hottie, Orlando was the one everyone wanted to see. It felt really strange to be sitting in a room with five women who were lusting after my boyfriend, but I didn’t say anything about it. I didn’t want to spoil their fun.

About an hour or so into the webcast, they finally got to the stars of the movie itself. By that time, I was practically bouncing in my seat.

“Are you a fan, Charlie?” Kendra, one of the younger nurses, asked as she noticed me squirming for the umpteenth time.

“Yeah,” I said, forcing myself to be still.

“Me too,” she said. “I met Orlando at the Toronto Film Festival last year.” She sighed. “He was so amazing.”

I just smiled, not really sure what to say.

Another half an hour dragged by, and Keira suddenly appeared on the screen. She was wearing a beautiful flowing white ribbed dress, with an empire waist, accented by a sequined waistline, gathered at the shoulders with small wisps of material semi-covering her shoulders, and a long shawl-ish piece flowing down one side. There was a black rose standing out just below the center of her breasts to break the white vision. Her hair was teased and pulled back on her head. She was absolutely stunning.

They chatted with her for a few moments about the movie, and then she moved down the carpet toward the end.

“Orlando should be next,” Bridget whispered to me. Thank goodness these were the night shift nurses, who didn’t start work until nine o’clock, or else they wouldn’t have been able to take the time to watch.

Sure enough, within a few minutes, the screams on the webcast became almost deafening, and the female interviewer started to get excited. Orlando appeared, looking heart-breakingly beautiful in his all-black ensemble, his hair slicked back into a ponytail. He looked happy and relaxed, and I ached to be beside him, instead of in a hospital where my dad was in a coma. I sighed, despite myself.

I didn’t really catch any of what Orlando said during the first bit of the interview, since I was too busy staring at him, but at one point, just as he’d promised, he looked straight at the camera and winked very noticeably.

“Ooh, they’re asking him about his girlfriend,” Bridget said, shifting forward in her seat. I knew from Dad and Aunt Tess that pictures of Orlando and me together didn’t make it into the papers in that area, so it was quite possible these girls had no idea who I was. After “People” magazine had announced our break-up earlier in the year, there hadn’t been anything said about a reconciliation, other than in some tabloids, so it was quite feasible that my secret was safe.

I instantly paid attention to the television.

“So you’re walking the carpet alone tonight, I see,” the interviewer, a chubby lady with blonde hair and a big phony smile, was saying. “Where’s your girlfriend?”

I noticed him tense for the briefest second, and then shrug it off with an easy grin.

“Oh come now,” he said, in that voice that would make anyone do anything he asked. “You know I don’t talk about my personal life.”

“You have no comment on the pictures that were circulating recently?”

“Just that Charlie saw me off at the airport,” he said. “But that was obvious from the pictures, wasn’t it?” I tensed when he said my name.

“She’s not here, is she? We’d love to talk to her.” The blonde interviewer gave him what I assumed she thought was a come-hither smile. It made her face look weird and awkward.

“No, she’s not here,” Orlando said. I could tell he was fighting to keep the smile on his face, but it wasn’t something that would be obvious to anyone who didn’t know him really well. “She’s with her family right now.”

“Isn’t she supposed to be in New York?”

Orlando laughed. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?” he said, a shred of irritation in his otherwise-friendly voice. He sighed. “All right, she’s had a bit of a family emergency that she needed to deal with, and couldn’t be here.”

Thankfully the interviewer let the subject drop. That’s when I noticed that everyone in the room was staring at me.

“Charlie?” Bridget said, her eyes wide. “That’s quite a coincidence, isn’t it?”

I tried to shrug it off. “Not really,” I said. I didn’t want to out-and-out lie to them.

“Are they talking about you?” Kendra asked, an amused expression on her face.

Slowly, I nodded. “It’s not a big deal,” I said. “We just don’t like to talk about us too much.” I stood up. “I should go check on my dad.” I hurried from the room, leaving them to stare, dumbfounded, behind me.

As I was making my way down the hall toward my dad’s room, a team of doctors and nurses hurried past me, shouting medical jargon back and forth as they went. I almost stopped breathing when they went into my dad’s room. Seconds later, Aunt Tess, Grandma, and Deanna were rushed out into the hall, and the door was closed.

“What’s going on?” I cried, running up to them. “What are they doing to Dad?”

“He’s not breathing again,” Aunt Tess said, tears streaming down her cheeks. “If he goes too long without oxygen, there’ll be permanent brain damage if he wakes up.”

“Quit saying that,” I stormed, not bothering to keep my voice down. “He’s going to wake up.”

We paced the hallway for what felt like hours, waiting for the doctors and nurses to come out of Dad’s room. Each second ticked away like an hour, and I couldn’t help the tears that refused to stop. I hugged Deanna against my side while she cried, and Grandma and Aunt Tess wrapped both of us in their arms, so we stood huddled in a group hug.

After what felt like an eternity, the door opened, and a doctor came out, his expression blank.

“Is he okay?” I said, breaking away from everyone. “Is he stable?”

The doctor didn’t say anything for a few seconds, then took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, but we couldn’t get him to breathe on his own again. The longer we tried, the more risk there was of brain damage, and given Mr. Madison’s explicit instructions in his living will, we’re prohibited from assisting him with a respirator.”

“What does that mean?” I burst out, so angry and frustrated I wanted to slap him. Who cared what my dad’s living will said? It sounded to me like they were just going to let him die.

“We were unable to revive him, Miss Madison,” the doctor said, his tone softening. “Time of death has been marked as 8:51pm. I’m so sorry.”

It took a few minutes for my mind to process what he’d said. I could hear Grandma, Aunt Tess, and Deanna crying openly behind me, but I felt numb, like I wasn’t really myself. I gulped in a few deep breaths, fighting to make sense of it all in my mind. Then the tears stopped, and I went to auto-pilot, my head racing with all the things I had to do, the phone calls I had to make. I didn’t even want to see Dad at that moment, I just wanted to get started on everything I had to do.

“I need to make some phone calls,” I said, backing away from Aunt Tess when she tried to hug me. “I’m going to go outside and use my cell phone.”

“Honey, you don’t need to do that now,” Grandma said, resting her hand lightly on my arm.

I pulled away from her, probably with a little more force than was necessary. “Yes, I do,” I said, keeping my voice even and flat. I turned and ran down the hallway.

Once I was outside the hospital, I gulped in the humid air, feeling like I couldn’t breathe. With a trembling hand, I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and opened it. My mind went blank, and I stared blankly at the screen. I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut for a minute, trying to get a hold of myself.

When I felt steady enough to dial, I called Information to get the number of the funeral home we’d used when my mom passed away. They’d handled everything for us then, and as far as I knew, Dad had chosen and paid for a casket at the same time we’d buried Mom. I was suddenly thankful he’d been as anal about details as he was. It meant there was very little for me to take care of, short of calling the funeral home.

The funeral part being dealt with, I began calling relatives. Of course Uncle Dave, Uncle Damon, and the rest of Dad’s family would need to be notified, and Grandma could deal with anyone I didn’t remember. I dialed each number slowly, methodically, and delivered the news in the same flat, dead voice. I knew if I let my emotions get through now, I’d be a wreck and I wouldn’t be able to deal with this.

I don’t know how long I was outside with my cell phone, but before I knew it, it was dark, and there was a slight chill in the air, even though it was June. I tucked my phone into my pocket, and went inside.

Aunt Tess, Grandma, and Deanna were huddled around Dad’s bed when I entered the room. They were crying, and Grandma was holding his hand. The IV was gone, but the bandage was still on his head, and he was still banged up. But he looked so peaceful, I couldn’t help but smile a bit. That’s when the tears stung my eyes, and I blinked them away. I refused to fall apart, I absolutely refused.

“Everyone’s been called that I can think of,” I whispered to Aunt Tess. She patted my arm and smiled sadly.

“Always the efficient one,” she said. “Just like your father.”

I kissed her forehead and wiped the tears from her cheek. “The funeral home will come get him tomorrow morning, and prepare him for the funeral on Monday,” I said, forcing myself to keep to the task at hand. “There’s no point in prolonging this.”

“Honey, why don’t you rest for a bit?” Grandma said, gesturing to the chair beside her.

“There’s too much to do,” I said, pulling away from Aunt Tess and going to get Dad’s suitcase out of his locker. “We have to get Dad’s things cleared out of this room before they take him away.”

“There’s no rush, sweetheart,” Aunt Tess said. “We can take a few minutes to let this sink in before we get to work on the details. Please, just leave it for a bit.”

I sighed as I began packing the few personal items that were spread around his room. As I grabbed the framed picture of Mom, Dad, and me at Niagara Falls the summer before Mom got sick, my breathing hitched in my throat. I quickly set the picture in the suitcase and wrapped it in Dad’s sweater so the glass didn’t break. I shook myself slightly, trying to pull myself back together. I couldn’t let myself stop, or I’d be a basket case.

Once everything was packed up, I zipped the suitcase, and set it by the door. That’s when I noticed that everyone was watching me.

“What?” I said, and though I hadn’t planned for it to come out so rudely, it did.

“It’s okay to cry, Charlie,” Grandma said, getting up and coming over to me. “You just lost your father, honey.” She looked me in the eye. “Process that for a moment. This coldness isn’t natural.”

“It’s how I’m getting through, okay?” I said, backing up a few steps. “I can’t fall apart yet, not here. Just give me some time.”

Slowly she nodded. “Okay, baby,” she said, hugging me. I hesitated, then hugged her back. “You take all the time you need.” She’d said the same thing when my mom had died, but the difference was that then I’d had my dad to lean on. I’d been able to cry with him and let go of the grief with him, but now I felt like I had no one. I knew Aunt Tess and Grandma meant well, but the fact was, they just weren’t my dad.

“I’m going to head home,” I said when Grandma finally let me go. “I have to pick out Dad’s suit, and get some other things taken care of. We’ll list the house on Monday, and hopefully I can have it cleared out by the end of next week. I don’t want to be away from the show any longer than that.” I went over to the bed, bent down, and kissed Dad’s cheek. “I love you,” I whispered, though I knew he couldn’t hear me, then I grabbed my purse from the floor beside the bed, and left. I knew they watched me go.

As soon as I was out of the building, I yanked my cell phone out of my purse and dialed. It was after eleven o’clock, so I hoped Lisa would be done the show.

“Charlie?” she said as soon as she answered. I got the feeling she knew what had happened before I even said anything, but I forced the words out of my mouth anyway.

“Lisa, my dad died,” I said quickly, hoping it would be like ripping a Band-Aid, less painful the faster I said it. Unfortunately, I was wrong, and the pain tore through me like wildfire, leaving me aching all over. “He had another heart attack and died.”

“Oh my God, baby, I’m so sorry,” she said softly. “Are you okay?” She paused. “Wait, that was a dumb question. Of course you’re not okay.”

“I’m not really dealing with it yet,” I said, dropping down on the grass beside the hospital parking lot. “I’ve made the arrangements, but I feel really numb, you know?”

“I can imagine,” she said. “When’s the funeral?”

“Uh, Monday,” I said, closing my eyes against the waves of grief and exhaustion that were sweeping through me. “I should be back by the end of next week, if all goes well. Dad’s lawyer can handle the sale of the house.”

“Slow down, kiddo,” Lisa said, firmly in her big-sister mode. “You don’t have to be strong right now, you know. The show will be here whenever you’re ready, okay? Just breathe for a bit.”

“I can’t,” I insisted for the second time that night. “I have to keep going or I’ll completely lose my mind.”

“Would that be so bad?”

I took a deep breath, trying to stop myself from shaking. “Right now, yes,” I said finally. “When the time is right, I’ll let go of everything and have myself a good cry. Until then, I have to do what I have to do.”

“Well, if you need me, I’m here,” she said. “I don’t know what else to say, Charlie. I really don’t.”

“There’s nothing you can say,” I said sadly. “There’s nothing anyone can say.” And at that point in time, there really wasn’t.