Scheduling my television interview seemed to be taking longer than I’d thought it would. Olivia was being very particular about which shows she contacted, and I was grateful for that. She called me daily to keep me updated, but mostly she just told me to sit tight and wait for the right offer. Of course, she’d let me know what the right offer actually was.

My contented mood wasn’t destined to last, though. My mother’s three-week European honeymoon ended far too soon for my liking, and before I knew it, she had the audacity to actually call me.

I picked up the phone without checking the caller ID, expecting it to be either Olivia or Orlando. No such luck.

“Peyton, darling,” my mother’s sickeningly sweet voice rang out, immediately making me want to gag. She had the uncanny ability to act like nothing had ever happened.

“What do you want?” I said coldly, ready to disconnect the phone right then and there.

“Is it so wrong to call my daughter and tell her I’m home?” she said, and I could hear the pout in her voice. I rolled my eyes.

“Yes,” I said simply. “It is.”

“You always do this, you know,” she started, heaving a sigh. “I’m happy and in love, in a great mood, and you have to rain on my parade.”

“If I had my way, I’d be throwing flaming bags of shit on your parade,” I said, going into my office to start up my computer. “But I guess I’ll have to settle for raining on it.”

“Why do you have to be so foul?” Mom snapped, her phony façade slipping. I couldn’t wait for the day when she’d just admit that she hated me so I wouldn’t have to deal with her crap anymore. It would make my life a lot easier. Little did I know, that day would be sooner rather than later.

“That was nothing compared to what you deserve,” I said, dropping down onto my desk chair to wait for my computer.

“What have I ever done to you?” she asked, and I swear, if she’d been in the room, I would have slapped her. How the hell could she be that clueless? Or that delusional?

“What a stupid fucking question,” I spat, spinning my chair away from my desk. I could feel the disgust, the anger, the hatred burning inside of me, and I itched to unload it all on her. Lord knows she’d earned it. “You not only humiliated me every chance you got at that farce of a wedding of yours, but you have potentially blown my whole fucking career. You are a selfish, vindictive, nasty bitch, and I can honestly say I hate you with every fiber of my being. You’ve never cared about anyone but yourself, and you’ve always made me feel like I don’t deserve to be part of your perfect world because I don’t live up to your ridiculous standards. But guess what? If living up to those standards means being anything like you, I’m glad you’re disappointed in me. I may be fat, I may have scars, but I’ve never gone out of my way to be hurtful, or to ruin another person’s life. You’re a fucking bitch, you always have been, and honestly, if I never see you or talk to you again, it will be too soon.”

“You have no right to talk to me that way,” she screeched, her carefully created composure cracking. “You’re an ungrateful cow, Peyton. You’ve been nothing but an embarrassment to me, and you know what? The reason you don’t have any friends, and no one gives a shit about you is because no one can stand to be around you. You’re toxic, and you’re ugly, inside and out, and if I had known this is what you’d turn into, I would have never gotten pregnant. You’re the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and now I’m paying dearly for it.”

Her words should have stung, but for some reason, they didn’t. I still felt what she said, that would probably never change, but her words weren’t as piercing as they could have been, and I felt adrenaline rush through me, making me want to rip her to shreds.

“That just goes to show how little you actually know me,” I said, jumping to my feet, unable to sit still anymore. I started pacing. “You take pleasure in thinking that no one cares about me, and I hate to burst your bubble, but there are a lot of people who give a shit in my life. I’m lucky I can form a functional relationship, because God knows you were never a great example for that. I’m not going to get into a mud-slinging match with you, you’re not worth the shit off the bottom of my shoes, let alone the time for that, so I’m just going to tell you to lose my number. Don’t call me, don’t show up on my doorstep, forget I exist. Then you can go back to your new boy toy and his money, and you can be what you’ve always wanted to be: free of me.”

“You’ll regret this, Peyton,” my mother hissed, her voice shaking with rage. No one ever talked to her like this because she would rip them a new asshole if they did, and they never lasted long after that. I’d seen quite a few of her ‘friends’ come and go over the years because of her attitude, and I was elated to be able to make a clean break from her the way they had.

“The only thing I regret is not telling you to get out of my life sooner,” I said, keeping my voice level, staying calm, suddenly wanting to take the high road. If I flew off the handle at her, she was the victim again, and that’s not something I wanted to give her. She liked it too much.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh yes, Mom,” I said, still pacing, feeling jittery, yet somehow strangely at peace. This was the biggest purge I could ever make in my life, and it was long overdue. “I’m doing it. I should have done this years ago, but I never thought enough of myself to realize that you’re the biggest problem I have in my life. I have a great career, despite your best efforts to ruin it, I have friends, and there’s a man in my life now who actually seems to care about me. So that means there’s no room for you and your bullshit. It seems kind of simple, now that I think about it.”

“The only simple thing here is you,” my mother shrilled, sounding like a rabid banshee, all attempts at control gone. “There’s no man in your life, and your ‘career’ is a joke. You sit in front of a computer all day, on your fat ass, making up drivel for losers who are as pathetic as you have always been. You’ll never have anyone who loves you, Peyton. If your own mother hates you, then why would anyone else love you? You’re not lovable, even to me, and I gave birth to you.”

“That’s fine,” I said, taking a deep breath. I had to end this before I lost my shit on her and said something that would give her the victim status she craved. “I’m hanging up now. Don’t call me. Like I said, forget I exist. Because from now on, you no longer exist to me. Good-bye, Mom.”

I disconnected the phone.

I sat back down at my computer desk, my whole body shaking. I’d needed to do that, it had felt good, but now the aftermath was kicking in. I could feel the hurt from what she’d said starting to flow through me. I felt the repulsion at myself, the hatred I tried so hard to keep at bay, welling up and I had to squeeze my eyes closed and actively fight it. When I started to think I couldn’t stop it from overwhelming me, I picked up the phone again and dialed.

“Olivia, can you talk?” I asked when she answered.

“Sure, Peyton,” she said, sounding very lighthearted, very upbeat. “What’s up?”

“I just told my mother to go to hell,” I said, trying to control the shaking in my body. I stretched, hoping to work out some of that nervous energy, but it didn’t do any good.

“You did?” ‘Liv sounded surprised. “Why were you even talking to her in the first place?”

“She called,” I said, then launched into a full account of the conversation. By the end, I was breathless, and my stomach was knotting wildly.

“God, that woman’s vile,” Olivia said, disgust clear in her voice. “I’m glad you stood up for yourself. You’ll be so much better off without that harpy in your life.” She paused, waiting for a response. “Are you okay?” she asked when I didn’t respond.

“I’m not sure,” I said slowly. “I mean, it felt amazing to finally tell her, point blank, what I think of her, but I’m so used to taking everything she says to heart, it’s hard to just shove it away, you know?”

“That’s understandable,” Olivia said, and I heard her light the obligatory cigarette. “Now what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” I said, shrugging to myself. “Business as usual, I guess. I just hate that she can have this affect on me. I hate that nagging little voice in my head that tells me I’m worthless. It sounds suspiciously like her. I’m still not fully convinced I’m not some of those things she said, that I don’t deserve, in some small part, the shit she spewed at me. How fucking pathetic is that?”

“It’s not,” ‘Liv exhaled. She took another drag. “You’ve been told your whole life, even before your accident, that you weren’t worth anything. You can’t expect that belief to just change over night, right? It’s going to take time, and hopefully help from a certain actor friend of yours, to make you realize you’re not worthless.”

“Leave him out of this,” I said quickly, knowing what she was getting at. “I’m not going to get my sense of self-worth from a man. I’m not an idiot.”

“No, but you can’t deny he makes you feel pretty damned good about yourself,” she pointed out. “Nothing wrong with that.”

“I guess,” I sighed, feeling some of the jitters start to relax. I wasn’t shaking as much, and I no longer felt like I was going to puke. I ran my fingers over my scars, needing the comfort of a familiar gesture.

“You did the right thing,” Olivia said after a few seconds of silence. “Just keep telling yourself that. She’s going to eat her words when she sees you on the telly, looking amazing, showing the world how articulate and professional you are. That might be worth a phone call in itself, wouldn’t you say?” I could hear her smirking through the phone.

I smiled, almost despite myself. “No, she’d just use that as an opportunity to criticize my outfit, or my hair, or my fat,” I said, rolling my eyes. “And of course, somehow that would be all about her. She’ll take the bragging rights.” I found myself actually chuckling at what an asshole my mother could be. I felt strangely detached from her stupidity, and I knew it was Olivia’s doing.

“Feel better?” ‘Liv asked when our chuckles had subsided.

“Yeah, I do,” I said, stretching again to clear the last of the jumpy energy from my system. I still felt a bit fragile, like the nasty thoughts could come back at any time, but somehow I knew I’d be able to shove them away, to make them not matter, even if it was just for a little while.

“Good, I’m glad.”

“Thanks, Olivia,” I said, switching the phone to my other ear as I opened my writing program on my computer.

“Any time,” she said gently. “I was going to call you today anyway.”

“Oh?” I said, pulling up the revision file on my new book. “Why’s that?”

“I think we’ve got your television spot scheduled,” she said, and I heard her tapping away on her computer keys. “And I think you’ll be very happy with the results.”

“I doubt that, but go on,” I said, a shot of nerves jolting through my stomach.

“What would you say if I told you we could do this via satellite?”

That drew me up short. “As in, I wouldn’t have to leave my flat?” I asked slowly, positive I’d heard her wrong. My fight with my mother was making me hallucinate, I was sure of it.

“That’s right,” Olivia said, her grin clear in her voice. “We’ll set up a live feed from your flat, you’ll be in the comfort of your own home, it’ll be perfect.”

I tried to imagine cameras and other television equipment scattered around my disastrous living space, but I couldn’t see it. Letting something so intrusive into my private sanctuary was actually worse than me having to leave it. But I hesitated to burst Olivia’s bubble, since she clearly thought this was a compromise, the best of both worlds.

“Um, that’s a great idea,” I said hesitantly. “But doesn’t that defeat the purpose of dragging me out of my shell?” I needed to get out of this in a way that didn’t hurt Olivia’s feelings, especially after she’d been so good to me lately. I couldn’t just shit on her brilliant solution. For once in my life, I had to use tact.

“Yes and no,” she said, but the wheels were clearly turning. She was still typing, and I wondered what she was working on, whether she was hesitating because of that, because she wasn’t paying full attention to our conversation now, or if she was hesitating because she was actually thinking about what I’d said. I was willing to be it was the former.

“That might need some explanation,” I prompted when typing was all I heard for a few seconds.

She seemed to snap back to our conversation, the typing stopped. “It will mean a lot for you to bring your readers into your home, to show them where you spend all of your time. They get to see you, which is what we want, right? Sure, we’re not bringing you out into the world like we’d planned, but this is better. It takes a lot of guts to open yourself up like that.”

“Which is kind of what I’m worried about,” I said honestly. “I don’t want the world to see where I live. I’d be perfectly happy going to a studio or something.”

She saw right through my obvious lie. “No, you wouldn’t,” she said, chuckling to herself. “You know as well as I do that as soon as you get into that room full of people, with all of those bright lights and cameras, you’re going to freeze.”

“No more so than I would here,” I said, my stomach still knotting wildly.

“But at least at home you can escape to your bedroom or the bathroom or somewhere private,” she pointed out. “It will just be your living room we see, nothing else.” She lit another cigarette. “And I’ll have a cleaning crew come by to deal with the mess, don’t worry. Just trust me. I’ll get you through this.”

I sighed. Trust her, that was easier said than done. But the truth was, I’d already trusted her more than any other human being in my life, so why should I stop now?

“All right, ‘Liv,” I conceded, rubbing my fingers over my eyes. “I’ll trust you.”

“That’s all I ask.”

I made the decision far more quickly than I’d intended to, but with Nick looking at me like that, giving me that sexy grin of his, I couldn’t resist anymore. But this time, I wanted to take control, to feel powerful, to feel like this was on my terms.

He gladly laid down on the bed and let me straddle his hips, his hands coming up to my breasts again, resuming the play he’d started a few minutes before. I watched his face for any sign that he was shutting down, that he regretted giving me that paper with his number on it, but I didn’t see anything. I leaned down and kissed him again, gently nipping his bottom lip as he moved his hands to the waistband of my pajama pants. I stopped him.

“My way, okay?” I said, entwining my fingers with his as I moved slightly over the swelling that was poking out of his boxers.

“Whatever you say,” he said, relaxing his hands in mine.

I moved back a bit and then lifted myself so I could slide his shorts down his legs and throw them on the floor behind me. He was glorious under me, everything I remembered he would be. I released his hands, reaching out to run one finger up the bottom of his length, then circle around his tip a few times. I could hear his breathing speed up as I touched him, and I smiled. I tucked my hair behind my ears and leaned down to place a gentle kiss on the tip of him.

He groaned when I placed little nipping kisses all over him, my hand sliding over his stomach and hips as I did so. He arched up off the bed a bit when my tongue danced out to lick him quickly before retreating back behind my teeth. I knew we were on a time limit, but I wanted to make this go slowly, to enjoy it as much as I could. I’d been waiting a year for this, after all.

I tilted my head to the side so I could look up at him the first time I slid him into my mouth. He growled, deep in his chest as I started a slow rhythm on him, swirling my tongue lazily around his head as my teeth grazed the rest of his length. His hands were fisted on the bed covers beneath us while I continued my assault on his member, but his eyes never left mine. I could feel him twitching, growing in my mouth, so I doubled my efforts, enjoying the spasm of pure bliss that crossed his beautiful features. Seeing him like that, knowing he was trusting me so completely, made it very hard for me to hate him, not that I ever really did in the first place.

I suckled him for awhile, speeding up my pace now and then, letting my fingers fondle and play as I did so. He entangled his hands in my hair, but didn’t use any pressure, just held them there. How had I forgone this the first time? He was so solid on my tongue, and he tasted like Heaven, a bit salty, but oh so sweet at the same time. I sighed.

I was so engrossed in what I was doing that it took me a few seconds to realize he was trying to pull me away from him. I sat up and smiled.

“Sorry, but I don’t think I could take anymore of that,” he said, grabbing my arm and pulling me down on top of him so he could kiss me again. “I don’t want this to be over before it starts, you know?”

“Then take my pants off and let’s get this show on the road,” I said, letting my tongue dance over the underside of his jaw.

So quickly I didn’t realize it had happened, he flipped me onto my back and covered my body with his. I opened my legs so he could settle between them, cursing the pants I was still wearing. He ran his tongue down my chest, between my breasts, and over my stomach before he tugged my pants off, with my panties, and tossed them aside.

I froze when I felt his kisses on the inside of my thigh.
“Nick, what are you doing?” I gasped as he kissed his way higher so his nose was nuzzling my curls.

He chuckled, sending a ripple of pleasure through me as I felt his warm breath on my core. “I’m sure you can guess,” he teased, using his hands to open my legs a bit wider. “I don’t know about this,” I breathed, sitting up. I felt my face heat up. That particular activity wasn’t something I normally allowed. It made me too nervous.

He paused and looked up at me, understanding dawning on his face. “No problem,” he said, reaching up to kiss me gently. “We don’t have to, it’s not a big deal.”

Humiliation wasn’t what I needed to ruin such a perfect moment, but I couldn’t help it. I mean, I knew he’d seen me before, hell, we’d already had sex, but there was something about what he was about to do that felt too intimate, and I couldn’t let myself get over it.

His fingers slipped between my legs as he kissed me, and when they brushed over my most sensitive spot, I jumped and moaned. He laid me down, keeping one arm under me, and laid to the side of me, kissing me deeply while his fingers played with me. He alternated his rhythm a bit, sometimes using one finger, then using two or three, sometimes sliding a finger or two up inside of me. I returned his kisses madly as he stroked me, brought me closer and closer to the amazing peak he’d brought me to before. I ached to have him inside me, but I didn’t want his sweet torture to end, so I just kept kissing him.

“Nick, I’m so close,” I gasped as he doubled his efforts and brought his mouth down on my nipple at the same time. I arched sideways, toward him, feeling my stomach press against his chest as my orgasm washed over me, making my whole body tremble. He captured my lips to kiss me as I started to come down.

I opened my eyes to grin at him as I started to settle again. My fingers reached down and closed around him, pumping lightly. “It’s time,” I whispered into his mouth.

Without a word he got up and went to the closet where his bag was. He returned with a condom.

“Would you care to do the honors?” he teased as he opened the package.

Without hesitation, I took the condom from him and kissed his tip before rolling it down over him. He pulled me to my feet and into his arms.

“You’re sure you want to do this?” he asked as he just held me for a moment, skin to skin, feeling my heartbeat against his. A shiver raced down my spine at the gentle tone in his voice. There was no way I could say no at that point, not that I wanted to. I’d already committed to this, and I’d be damned if I turned back now. I wanted him way too much to let my anger and resentment get in the way.

“I’m positive,” I said, leading him back to the bed and tugging him down on top of me. I wanted to feel him above me, to see him as he looked down at me.

He reached between our bodies and guided himself to my opening. I held my breath as he pushed forward, gently, slowly, just like he had the first time. I wondered vaguely, in the back of my mind, if I would ever get to feel the aggression he’d spoken of before, but at that point, I was good with what I had.

A peaceful expression crossed his face as he rolled us to our sides, still joined, his hips between my legs. He moved his hand up under my neck to make me more comfortable as he rocked against me, kissing me slowly, tenderly, the whole time. I hiked my leg up over his hip and met him thrust for thrust.

“So good,” he mumbled against my mouth, one of his hands coming down to my hip, to pull me closer to him. “I’ve wanted to feel this again for the last year, Myckaila. You have no idea.”

“I think I do,” I said, remembering all of those lonely nights that I’d wished I could feel him again. I clasped my arms more tightly around him, just to reassure myself he was really there. I knew how I’d feel afterwards, I knew I wouldn’t want him to go, but I pushed it aside as I felt him slide in and out of me, bringing only intense pleasure with each movement.

His eyes drifted closed as he got lost in what he was feeling, and I took that opportunity to really look at him. He’d always been amazing to look at, for as long as I could remember. But being this close to him again, being able to see him just inches from my face when I’d resigned myself to never having that again, I appreciated him even more. His face was relaxed, like he was sleeping, his lips were slightly parted, and his hair was standing out at all angles. I reached up and cupped his cheek in my hand, causing him to open his eyes and look at me again. His lips curled into a slow smile and he pressed his forehead to mine.

Carefully, he pressed me onto my back again and held himself up on his arms as he leaned down to kiss me, running his tongue over my bottom lip. His thrusts became more urgent, a bit harder and faster, and I greedily arched up to meet him. He worked me faster, raining kisses over my face, my neck, my collarbones, down to my breasts. I could tell he was trying to control himself, to prolong this as much as possible.

“Harder,” I urged in his ear as he nibbled my neck again. I grazed his ear lobe between my teeth and felt the answering twitch inside me.

“Are you sure?” he asked, his breath coming in short gasps as his hips sped up. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Don’t worry about me,” I said, gripping his ass in my hands to bring him even deeper. “I want you to enjoy yourself.”

“I am, don’t ever doubt that,” he chuckled, but he sped up all the same. He sat back on his knees and held my hips in his hands as he worked himself in and out of me, his thrusts coming faster and deeper than before. I sat up with him, wrapping my arms around his neck as he moved me, as he hit the spots only experience can find. Wave after wave of pleasure ripped through me as he drove into me, causing me to cry out his name and bury my face in his neck. My body felt like jelly in his arms, and I never wanted him to stop his assault on my senses. Sweat dripped from both of us as our movements became more frantic, and before long, I felt him beginning to tense.

“Now, Nick,” I whispered in his ear as his fingers found me and began rubbing in an insistent motion that threatened to send me over the edge again. I knew that’s what he wanted, he wanted us to be together when it happened, and a warm feeling spread through me.

“Mycki,” he breathed, lifting my hips so that he was almost out of me, and then slamming me down hard one final time, panting into my hair as he did so. I let myself go at that moment, too, shoving almost roughly against his fingers, letting my release break over me and leave me limp and breathless in his arms.

He didn’t move for a moment, letting both of us slow our heartbeats and get our breathing under control again. When he started to shift out from under me, I panicked and gripped him tighter to me.

“You’re not going to turn on me, are you?” I whispered, sadness threatening to take over the aftershocks of pleasure that were still rippling through me.

“No,” he said, untangling our legs and getting up off the bed. He offered me his hand. “C’mere,” he whispered, a tender smile on his face.

I let him pull me to my feet, noting to myself how wobbly my legs were after our little tryst. He hugged me to him, just held me for a minute, not saying anything, his arms around me, silently telling me he wasn’t going to kick me out this time.

Our reverie was interrupted by a loud banging on the hotel room door.

“Nick, you better not have gone back to sleep!” The voice that yelled from the hallway sounded more than a bit pissed.

“Shit,” he muttered, kissing my forehead quickly before releasing me and pulling on his boxers. I went into the bathroom before he opened the door.

“Sorry about that, man,” I heard him say through the bathroom door. “I lost track of time.”

“Sure you did,” the voice replied, and since I could hear him better, I assumed he had come into the room. I cringed at the idea that my clothes were still spread all over the floor. “Smells like sex in here,” the voice commented, and I wanted to crawl under the tiles at my feet.

“Give me ten minutes, okay?” Nick said, disregarding the comment. “I’ll be right down, I just gotta get dressed, AJ.”

AJ chuckled. “So you did nail that chick that was here earlier,” he said, and I could almost hear the lewd smirk on his face. My face flushed again, I could feel it. And how the hell did he know I’d been there earlier? I made a mental note to ask Nick.

“Just get out,” Nick said, a bit more sternly. I heard the door open, and AJ’s laugh got farther away before the door slammed.

I waited for Nick to open the bathroom door. He had an apologetic smile on his face as he handed me my clothes. “Sorry about that,” he said as I pulled my pants back on and yanked my shirt down over my head. “Sometimes he has no class.”

“How did he know I was here?” I asked as he led me back into the bedroom.

“He came in just before you woke up,” he said, grabbing his suitcase out of the closet and throwing it on the bed. He started digging and I stared, amused at how neatly the clothes were folded inside. He pulled out a t-shirt, jeans, and a new pair of boxers, and started to get dressed. I wanted to look away, to give him some privacy, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of him as he moved. He was a bit thinner than he’d been the year before, a bit more toned, and he was breathtaking.

“What?” he said when I’d been staring too long. He tugged his t-shirt over his head.

I smiled. “Nothing,” I said, shrugging. “Just looking at you, that’s all.”

He gave me a warm smile and moved to put his arm around me. He kissed the top of my head.

“I hate to say this,” he started, but I cut him off, pressing my finger to his lips.

“I know,” I said, kissing his mouth quickly. “I’ve already kept you too long.”

“If I had my way, I’d stay here all day,” he said, squeezing me to him again. “But we have a show tonight, and a ton of things to do today, some of which I’m already late for.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Mycki, I meant what I said before. I want you to call me, whenever you think you’re ready, okay?”

I nodded as I bent down to pick up the paper I’d dropped on the floor with his number on it. The old feelings were starting to come back, and I found myself hesitating.

“I can’t guarantee when I’ll use this,” I said slowly, remembering what I’d gone through before. “But thanks for giving it to me.”

I moved out of his arms and headed for the door, smoothing my ponytail back into place as I went. The sadness was seeping into my chest already, and I didn’t know if I could handle going back to such a black place. I forced a smile to my face as I grabbed the door handle and turned to him while I opened the door.

To my surprise, he was right behind me. “This time, I’m taking you back to your room,” he said, following me into the hallway.

“It’s about time, Frack,” Brian called as soon as the door closed behind us, frustration clear in his voice. “We’re really late now.”

“As usual,” Nick muttered, and I could feel his hand on the small of my back. “I’m just going to walk Mycki back to her room, then I’ll be right back.”

I saw AJ out of the corner of my eye, saw his knowing smirk, and blushed. For Nick, what we’d just done made him a hero. For me, it made me a whore. I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

“Hurry up, all right?” Howie called from further down the hallway.

“Yeah, yeah,” Nick muttered, rolling his eyes down at me and grinning. He took me to the elevator, and I felt a huge sense of relief wash over me when the door closed behind us.

When we reached my room, I turned to him, taking my hand from his, where it had been since we’d gotten in the elevator.

“Thanks, Nick,” I said softly, feeling a sense of relief as I heard movement coming from inside my room. Cammi was awake, which meant I could get back inside.

“Thank you for not leaving,” he said, leaning down to kiss me lightly. “I hope you’ll use that number, Myckaila. I’d love to hear from you again.”

I smiled, trying to force the looming sadness away. “I’ll see what I can do,” I said. “Have a good show tonight, okay?”

He nodded and kissed me again, then headed back to the elevator. I watched him wink as the doors closed on him, then turned and knocked on my door.

Especially considering the warm body that was curled up against me when I opened my eyes.

Mycki.

She was still there.

I’d actually gone to sleep with the idea that she’d bolt as soon as I shut my eyes, but, oddly enough, here she was, her hair spread out over my chest as she used my arm for a pillow. Her back was to me, her hips pressed against my side, her ass resting on the top of my thigh. She actually fit against me really well, but that wasn’t something I wanted to think about so I ignored it.

I hated to move, to wake her up, not sure if she’d freak out on me, or what I’d be facing. Waking up next to someone you don’t even know is downright fucking awkward, which is why I avoid doing it when I can. Some people are just plain scary in the morning, myself included.

As much as I wanted to stay right where I was, I dragged my ass out of bed to stop AJ from busting down my door.

“Dude, cool it,” I hissed as I opened the door, wiping gunk from my eyes. “I’m up, you don’t need to come through the friggin’ door.”

“Just making sure,” he said, shrugging as he pushed his way into my room. He had entirely too much energy for six in the morning.

“Keep your voice down, J,” I said, looking over at Mycki, who was now curled around my pillow. I couldn’t stop the smile that tugged at the corners of my mouth.

“Who the hell is that?” he asked, giving me a weird look. I’d never hear the end of this.

“A friend,” I said, grabbing his shoulders and shoving him into the sitting area of the suite. I closed the door behind us. “Don’t give me a hard time, okay? I barely fucking slept last night.”

“I wonder why,” he said, a dirty look on his face. “I’m just surprised you let her stay, that’s all. Not your usual style.”

“I didn’t have sex with her,” I said, going to the coffee maker by the TV. “She got locked out of her room, so I let her stay here so she could sleep. Nothing major.”

“Where did she even come from?” AJ asked, tossing me a coffee cup.

“Long story, Bone, believe me,” I said, shaking my head as the coffee began to brew. I took a deep breath, trying to wake the hell up.

“Well, don’t be too long getting rid of her,” AJ said, sitting backwards on a chair at the small table in the corner. “We have to get on the buses soon. We were late to the sound check yesterday, can’t do it again.”

I didn’t say anything as the coffee finished brewing. I poured us both a cup, handed him his, then poured one for Mycki. I didn’t even know what she took in her fucking coffee, and yet I’d slept with her. That really made sense. I shook my head as I went back into the bedroom, leaving AJ behind. I closed the door firmly.

The noise must have woken her, because she sat up slowly, shoving her hair out of her face. She didn’t look bad in the morning. I was actually surprised.

“Good morning,” I said, handing her the coffee. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted in this, but I can get whatever you need.”

She accepted the cup and took a sip, her eyes closing and a low sigh escaping her lips.

“Black’s good, thanks,” she said, pulling the blanket up to her waist and crossing her legs beneath it. She wouldn’t look at me, and I felt like a giant ass just standing there, so I sat on the edge of the bed.

“I have to get out of here soon,” I said, then realized what it probably sounded like to her. Smooth, Carter, real smooth. The last thing I wanted was for her to think I was kicking her out. Again.

“I won’t keep you, then,” she said, setting the coffee cup down on the nightstand and throwing back the covers. I could see the disgust on her face.

“That’s not what I meant,” I said, grabbing her arm before she could make it to the door. “I just meant that’s why I woke you up.” Shit, that didn’t sound right either. “I’m going to stop trying now, okay?” I let go of her arm and walked away, shoving my hands through my hair. Why did I always say the wrong things?

“I got it, Nick,” she said bitterly. “I’ll be gone as soon as I use the bathroom. Or would you rather I do that in my own room?”

She was hurt, I could tell by the look on her face. I tried to understand it from her point of view. She’d offered me sex again, I’d turned her down, and now she felt like I was kicking her out. Again. I was fucking this up royally.

“I know you’re still pissed at me,” I said, figuring being direct was my best option. Maybe I could reason with her. “And I know that last night didn’t help, but I really think that if we’d had sex again, you’d hate me even more now than you already do.”

“Is that what you think?” she sneered, finally looking at my face. “Because what I’m thinking is that you’ve already had me once, so now you don’t want me anymore. I get it, probably better than you do.”

“That has nothing to do with it,” I said, shaking my head. I reached out to touch her arm, but she jumped back. “Think about it, Mycki. How would you feel this morning if we’d had sex last night?”

“Like I’d had a good time,” she answered quickly, almost defensively. She thought for a few seconds. “I’d probably feel like I’d gotten even,” she spat, her glare never wavering from my face.

“Even?” I wasn’t expecting that, and I’m sure the dumbass expression on my face gave that away.

“Yeah, even,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “You used me last time, why shouldn’t I be able to use you this time? Why should you call the shots?”

“Last time I checked, the sex was mutual,” I said slowly. I was getting a bit tired of her making me feel like shit for something I’d already apologized for a hundred times.

“The sex was,” she agreed coldly. “But you kicking me out afterwards was not. The sad part is, though, that you made me feel cheaper last night than you did the first time.”

“How the hell did I do that?” I asked, feeling completely lost. I’d thought by saying no to sex, I could avoid making her feel cheap afterwards. I sighed. I’ll never understand women, no matter how hard I try.

“When a woman offers herself to you, you don’t just say no,” she said, her hands on her hips. “I made myself vulnerable, and you basically crapped all over that. And you wonder why I hate you? Get a fucking clue.”

“What the fuck do you want from me?” I asked, feeling like a broken fucking record. “I only did what I thought was best, but apparently I’m a complete fucking idiot, and I got it wrong. I can’t keep up with you, so why don’t you just tell me how to make this shit better?” I was starting to get pissed off. She wasn’t the only one who could get angry.

“You can’t make it better,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t know what I expected when I slept with you, but it wasn’t this. Part of me wishes you would just go away and forget anything ever happened between us.”

“And the other part?” I studied her face closely as she hesitated.

“The other part is asking why I’m resisting you,” she admitted finally, her face turning bright red. She looked both surprised and ashamed all at the same time. I went to her and rested my hands on her shoulders.

“What’s the answer to that?” I asked, trying to stay perfectly still and not throw her on the bed right that second. But she looked so lost, so confused, that against my better judgment, I felt sorry for her.

“I honestly don’t know,” she said, looking up at my face. I could see the tears in her eyes, and I really hoped she wouldn’t cry. I can’t handle it when women cry, it makes me all sorts of uncomfortable. “You’re like night and day, Nick,” she continued, putting her hands on my forearms. “Last year you were amazing, right up until the end, you know? And now you’re here, you’re being amazing again, but I still can’t get past what happened. I’m finding it very hard to believe the things you’re saying, to trust you, and I think that’s why I’m hesitating.” She sighed and looked away. “I should really get back to my room, in case Cammi’s awake.” She pulled my hands off her shoulders.

“So that’s it?” I asked as she turned away from me and started throwing on her shoes. “You’re just going to walk away?”

“I don’t have any other choice if I want to hang on to the last shred of my dignity,” she said sadly. “Whether I believe you or not won’t change what happened, and it won’t erase what I’ve felt over the past year.” One tear slid down her face. “I’m sorry, I just can’t do this.”

Damn that tear. I wanted to squirm away from her, to do anything to forget that she was starting to cry. I felt like a jerk, standing there while she was so obviously having a hard time, so I went to her and held out my arms to her, not forcing her to come to me, but giving her the choice.

She looked at my arms, then my face, and collapsed against me. She started to cry harder as I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. I rested my cheek on the top of her head and whispered stupid shit to her as she soaked my chest. She cried until she was trembling, her whole body shaking, her sobs sounding more and more raw as she went. I rubbed her back and kissed her head, not sure what else to do. Like I said, I’m uncomfortable with crying women, but with Mycki, I just wanted to make sure she was okay. I knew I was the reason for this, so I stuck it out to make her feel better.

After a short time she stopped crying, but she didn’t move away from me. “I’m sorry,” she murmured against my chest. “I feel like such an asshole for this.”

I grinned and kissed the top of her head. “You’re not an asshole,” I assured her, not sure what else to say. I wanted to think that some wall had come down between us, that she would start to trust me, but I knew that was a stupid fucking idea. This girl was far more complicated than any I’d dealt with in a long time, so it definitely couldn’t be that easy.

She sniffled, which normally would have grossed me out, but for some reason didn’t. Not moving away from me, she reached up to wipe the tears off her face. “Attractive, huh?” she joked, rolling her eyes. “I’m such a mess.”

I wanted to tell her she was beautiful, but it didn’t seem like the right thing to say, so I stayed quiet.

“I really should go,” she said, trying to step back from me. I tightened my hold on her, not ready for her to walk away. I liked the feel of her against me, how warm she was, how soft.

“I don’t want you to,” I said before I could even think about it. “I didn’t want you to the first time, and I don’t now.” I knew I’d opened myself up to her anger and scorn again, but apparently my brain doesn’t want to censor the shit that comes out of my mouth when she’s around.

“You have to leave soon,” she reminded me, tilting her head to one side so her dark hair spilled over her shoulder. I wanted to bury my face in that hair, but I didn’t dare. “And I have to get back to my niece.”

There was no getting around what she’d said. She was right, I had a job to do, she had other responsibilities, she had to go. But at least this time I wasn’t the one throwing her out or making her feel unwanted.

“And after you leave?” I asked, letting my hands slip down to the small of her back and pressing her lightly against me. Of course my body jumped at the feel of her, but I tried to be a gentleman and ignore it.

“I don’t know, Nick,” she sighed, moving slightly under my hands. I could feel myself starting to get hard, and I knew she could feel it, too. She exhaled slowly and closed her eyes, her hands tightening on my arms.

I didn’t hesitate, I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers, somewhat aggressively, I’ll admit. She whimpered and parted her lips for me, so I swept my tongue into her mouth. I held her face between my hands, kissing her again and again, each time a little harder than the last, until she was panting and clutching at me.

“There’s definitely no time for that,” she whispered when I pulled away to let her breathe. She was meeting me kiss for kiss, though, so I knew she wanted this as much as I did. The fingernail marks she was leaving on my arms weren’t exactly keeping it a secret, either.

“There can be,” I said, moving down to kiss her neck, wrapping my arms around her again, almost grinding her into me. “I have about an hour.” Okay, that wasn’t true, I was due downstairs in fifteen minutes, but fuck it, she didn’t need to know that. I wasn’t going to give this up for anything. I had a habit of being late, but at least this time I’d have a good reason. The guys would understand, I was sure of it.

She leaned her head sideways to give me more access to her neck. Her skin was so smooth, so soft, and smelled so good, I couldn’t help but groan. Her fingers were in my hair, moving down over the back of my neck, to my shoulders, and it felt so good.

“Maybe Cammi will sleep in,” she gasped as I grabbed the bottom of her t-shirt and started to slide it up over her back. She let me remove the shirt, then crushed herself to me again, almost making me jump out of my pants at the feel of her skin on my chest. I almost wished I’d nailed a groupie the night before, just to make it easier for me to control myself.

I felt like I was on fire, like I couldn’t touch enough of her at once, and when her hands slipped into the waistband of my boxers, I was hard-pressed not to drag her to the floor and be done with it. But I didn’t want to scare her or give her the wrong idea again, so I held myself still.

“What are we doing?” she panted as I rolled her nipple between my fingers. Her back arched toward me and her hands never slowed on my stomach and chest. “Nick, I can’t think straight.”

“You don’t have to think,” I said, my voice sounding more like a growl as I bent to take that nipple between my teeth. She smelled like vanilla, and tasted even sweeter. I moaned at the feel of her on my tongue, at the small panting noises she was making.

“But this is what got us in trouble last time,” she said breathlessly. How the hell could she think at a time like this? I was having trouble forming coherent sentences as she rubbed her pelvis against my erection, and she wanted to talk about what was going on? I forced myself to concentrate, but I couldn’t let go of her nipple yet. It felt too good and tasted too amazing.

“Things are different this time,” I said, letting my breath wash over the wet spot I’d made on her breast. She shivered and gasped when I took her into my mouth again, sweeping my tongue over her. “We both know what’s going on.”

“That’s the problem,” she almost whimpered. “We haven’t resolved anything. Who knows how we’ll feel afterwards?”

I reluctantly pulled away from her and leaned my forehead against hers. Clearly we weren’t going any further until we talked it out, so I wanted to get that part over with as soon as possible.

“That’s up to you,” I said, watching her eyes. She looked totally confused. “But I can tell you that I want you now, and I still will afterwards. I won’t shut down on you again, I promise.”

She kissed me briefly. “I want to believe you,” she said, looking down at my chest. She moved forward so she was touching her chest to mine again and laid her head on my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my back. I held her for a moment, letting my breathing calm down, trying to get a fucking clue as to what was going on in her head. My body was raging to keep going, but I had to tell myself to calm the hell down, to not rush her, to let her take her time with this.

“Nick,” she breathed against my shoulder. “I want you, there’s no question about that. But I don’t want to feel cheap again, you know? Realistically, there’s not a chance in hell that I’ll see you again after today, at least, not intentionally. This would be just another one-shot deal. I don’t know if I can take that again.”

I set her away from me gently and went to the nightstand beside the bed. I couldn’t help but look longingly at that bed, doubting I’d get to use it the way I wanted to. I grabbed the pad of paper and pen that the hotel always provided and jotted my cell phone number down. I ripped the paper off the pad and took it over to her.

“You can get hold of me any time you want to,” I said as I handed it to her. “So the ball’s in your court. I won’t push you, I promise, but this won’t be a one-shot deal if we go through with it, okay?” I held my breath as she studied the paper for a moment, a strange look on her face. I wished I could read her mind, so I knew what the hell she was thinking, but I had to resign myself to waiting for her to tell me.

After the longest fucking time imaginable, she looked up at me. “Do you mean that?” she asked, a small smile on her face.

I nodded and reached for her. She dropped the paper as she kissed me again, and I assumed that was her way of giving me the go-ahead. She started to back me up, toward the bed, her hands almost rough on me now. I smiled as I let her climb on top of me. This could be a very good hour.

“Where’s the fire?” Brian asked, stumbling sleepily out into the hallway. I was grateful Leighanne and Baylee weren’t with him for this stop on the tour, otherwise I’d be getting an earful right now. Waking a sleeping four-year-old is never a good idea.

“Nowhere, man,” I said, pushing past him, into the room. “I just needed to talk, that’s all.”

“Nick, it’s after three,” Brian groaned, closing the door and turning on the light. He rubbed his hands over his face and gave me a stern look. “This better be good.”

“Oh, it is,” I said, sitting on his couch and dropping my head into my hands. “I think I just fucked up royally.” A lump was forming in my throat and I tried to swallow it.

“Did you trash your room again?” he asked, throwing a pillow at me. The pillow hit me and landed on the floor at my feet. I stared at it like it was a foreign object. “It’s stuff like this that gives rock stars bad names, you know.”

“No, nothing like that,” I said, shaking my head. I started to bounce my leg up and down, and fidget with the hem of my shirt. I hated sitting still, especially when I was this worked up over something.

“Then what did you do?” Brian asked, concern on his face. He looked confused, too.

“I just had sex with someone,” I started, unable to meet his eyes. I knew what he thought about my ‘indiscretions,’ as he called them, so I tried to get past that part as quickly as possible. “She just went back to her room. But I think I fucked it up royally.”

“How?” I could hear the disapproval in that one word, but he was good at hiding it. He knew this wasn’t the time.

“I pretty much threw her out when we were done,” I said, feeling the heat rise in my face. “Well, I didn’t really tell her to leave, but I shut down on her and she got the message pretty quick.”

“That’s different than normal how?”

I sat back against the couch and covered my face with my hands. As usual, I was fucking up what I wanted to say. Words and I just didn’t get along most of the time, and now was no exception.

“I didn’t want her to leave this time,” I said, not knowing how else to say it. “I didn’t want her to go, but I all but shoved her out the door anyway.”

“Why didn’t you want her to leave?” Brian was used to me wanting to get as far away as possible from the girls I slept with, so I could see how this would shock him.

“Do you think it’s possible to care about someone you don’t even know?” I asked, figuring blunt was best. I didn’t hide things from Brian, hadn’t in a long time, so I knew he wouldn’t judge me, no matter how messed up I was sounding.

“It’s hard to say,” he said slowly, giving me an odd look. “What do you mean ‘care about someone?’”

I jumped up and started pacing, unable to sit still anymore. “There was this girl outside the venue today, waiting for us, right?” I started, staring at the gold flecks in the carpet as I paced. “Pretty thing, but so nervous she barely remembered her own name when I approached her. I thought, whatever, another fan, so what? I took a picture with her, signed her program, and left it at that.” I slammed my hands through my hair and shook my head. “Then doesn’t she show up in the fucking front row during the concert, right there in front of me, smiling, dancing, and I couldn’t look away. You know how many girls we see, man, you know how few we actually notice anymore, but something about this girl just jumped out at me. Like I said, she’s pretty, but we’ve definitely seen better on tour. She’s not my normal type at all, either, she’s dark-haired, and not super thin or super built, you know, she’s just average.”

“Amazing girls can be average-looking, Nick,” Brian cut in, the disapproval still in his voice. He’d given up his superficial side long ago, around the time that the goddess who is his wife entered the picture. He’d never been big on looks, but once he connected with Leighanne, he didn’t even notice the hot girls who threw themselves at us regularly.

“Not the point, Bri,” I said, shooting him a look. “I’m just saying that there wasn’t really a reason for her to stick out. She was smiling at me, so when I jumped down to do my thing in the front row, I picked her. I’m telling you, man, the second I touched her, it was like fucking lightning went off in my skull. She smelled good, kind of sweet, but not like that cheap shit some girls wear. She was so soft I didn’t want to let go. Keep in mind this is while I’m being grabbed at by at least six other girls, and we’re still doing a show. For me to even notice what she smelled like is completely unusual. After that, I kept looking for her, watching her, and this weird feeling was in my stomach. I didn’t know if it was gas, or what, but it was there every time I looked at her. I haven’t had that in awhile.”

Brian was staring at me as though I had a second head growing out of my shoulder.

“Don’t strain yourself to try to help me here,” I said, rolling my eyes at him. “Seriously, Frick, what gives with this? I just about jumped out of my pants when I saw her in the hotel lobby tonight, by herself, just sitting in that little room they have with the fireplace and stuff. I fucking followed her, dude, cornered her in that room. The stupid thing is, I didn’t even think about sleeping with her. I just wanted to be in the same room with her. I wanted to see her eyes light up when she saw me, to see that look girls get with us, the ones who really think we’re hot shit. I needed to see that from her, specifically. How fucked up is that?”

“It’s unusual for you,” Brian agreed, nodding. “Normally any girl looking at you like that is good enough.” He waited for me to go on.

“We made small talk for a bit, you know, and she was completely cool,” I said, remembering her face in the fire light. That feeling started in my stomach again and I swallowed a few times. “She just sat there with me, didn’t do anything weird that fans do sometimes when they’re nervous. Wasn’t what I expected at all, that’s for sure. But then, when I went to leave, she bumped up against me, not even on purpose, and there was that fucking lightning again. Jesus, man, I thought I was going to lose my shit right there.”

“What did you do?” Brian was really into my story now, totally dumbfounded, just like I was. Knowing me as well as he did, he knew this wasn’t something that ever happened to me, and definitely wasn’t something I talked about.

“I waited like the dumb fuck I am,” I spat, feeling my eyes start to water. The last thing I needed was to start crying like a whiny bitch, but I was so frustrated I couldn’t help it. Brian would understand. “She had to ask me to kiss her, for shit sakes. I felt like such a knob, but she didn’t mind. Then came the sex.”

“I don’t need all the gory details,” Brian said quickly, raising his hands in front of himself, palms facing me. “Keep that stuff to yourself, man.”

“I’m not giving you details, you perv,” I said huffily. “But I am going to tell you that the wham-bam shit I’m used to wasn’t even considered with this one. I couldn’t take my eyes off her face, you know, how she responded, how amazing she looked when she liked what we were doing. Half the time I keep my eyes closed during sex to avoid looking at whatever I happen to be fucking. This time, I couldn’t have closed them to save my fucking life. And I held her, Bri, actually fucking held her while we did it. I wanted to touch as much of her skin as possible.”

“Isn’t that normally what sex is about, though?” Brian asked, puzzled. “Don’t tell me you don’t touch your partners.”

“Only where absolutely necessary,” I said, shivering at the idea of putting my hands on some of those skanks. They didn’t make full body condoms, you know.

“Never?”

“The one-night ones, never,” I said firmly. “Scratching an itch, Rok, that’s all they are. But I wanted to touch this one, I wanted to run my hands over her and hold her and shit. Scared the fuck out of me.”

I stopped pacing and took a deep breath, waiting for Brian to speak.

“Congratulations, Frack,” he said sarcastically. “You’re becoming a man. It only took you, what, 27 years?”

“Fuck off,” I spat, not in the mood for a ribbing. He hadn’t seen the couple of tears that had leaked over my face yet, and I was good with that. “I need help, not bullshit.”

“What made her leave?”

“After we were finished, she wanted to cuddle, which, at first, I was all for,” I said, pacing away from him and dashing my hand across my face. Fucking tears. “Then I felt like something moved in my gut, and I didn’t know if I was going to puke, or what was going on. She was gorgeous, man, fucking beautiful like that, but I felt so weird, I suddenly couldn’t wait to get away from her. I was scared shitless of what was going on inside me, and I kind of shut myself down so she wouldn’t see it.” I winced at the memory. “She took the hint, got dressed, and pretty much ran from the room. I didn’t exactly help, though. I offered to walk her to her room, and she may as well have told me to fuck off. She didn’t in so many words, but she knew something was up. She got this nasty look on her face, kind of a weird smirk thing, but she wouldn’t tell me what it was. Then she was gone and now here I am. What the fuck is wrong with me?”

“Well, we’ve known for a long time that you’re an idiot,” Brian said, counting his points on his fingers. “And we know that you have the emotional maturity of a retarded mosquito, so that’s working against you, too. You’re attracted to her, genius, but this time it’s more than just her body. What the hell did you think was happening?”

“Food poisoning?” I said, my attempt at a lame joke. It didn’t fly. “It’s been so long since I’ve even thought of a girl that way, I had no idea what to do.” I wiped my face again. “She was the type of girl I could see myself with, and that was totally unexpected.”

“Shit, Nick, are you crying?” He finally saw the damned tears. “Tell me you at least know how to get in touch with her?”

I sighed and shook my head. “Nope, not a fucking clue,” I admitted, knowing I was an idiot for not asking for her last name or her phone number or something. And now she probably wouldn’t even fucking look at me again. Great.

“Then you learned the hard way this time, didn’t you?” Brian said, coming over and patting me on the back. He started to lead me to the door. “There’s nothing you can do but forget it and move on now. You just know that if it happens again, you won’t be such a moron.”

I knew he was trying to get rid of me, but I also knew he was right. I didn’t even know what room was hers in the hotel, so I had no way of tracking her down.

“I don’t think this will happen again, Bri,” I said as I went into the hallway. “Not unless I see her again.”

“You never know, man,” he said as he moved to shut the door. “You never know.”

I shuffled into the room a bit more, running my fingers along the wall as I went, as though I wanted something solid to remind me this wasn’t some warped nightmare. I had a hard time looking at him.

“I’m still not sure this is a good idea,” I said, focusing my gaze on the all-too-inviting bed that was practically begging me to curl up in it. My ass cheek was starting to come back to life, and was reminding me that sitting on the floor for that length of time probably wasn’t the smartest thing I could’ve done. I wandered toward the large bed, the crisp white sheets, the pillows that were calling my name.

I sat gently on the edge of the bed, gingerly moving so my tingling rear end was a bit more comfortable. As soon as I felt the softness under me, I had to fight a groan. I know my eyes rolled back in my head, and I know Nick watched the whole thing, a sexy little grin on his face.

“Comfortable?” he said as I crawled up the bed and settled myself right in the middle, pulling the blankets up as I went. I arranged the pillows around me and cuddled into them, flipping onto my side, facing him, to give my backside a rest. I pulled my knees up to my chest and propped my head on a pillow, studying him for a moment.

He hadn’t moved on the couch, one arm swung lazily over the back, the other resting lightly on his thigh. I refused to look at that hand, at the beautiful leg underneath it, and moved my eyes to his face.

His eyelids were heavy, I’m guessing from exhaustion, and that damned grin was still firmly in place. When he realized I was staring, he raised on eyebrow at me.

“Something interesting, Mycki?” he asked, drawing out his words, his voice unbelievably stimulating. Chills shot through me.

“Just trying to keep my eyes open,” I said, shrugging around my pillow. “Seems kind of rude of me to sleep when you don’t even have a blanket yet.”

“If you’re tired, go to sleep,” he said, shifting so he was laying down, tucking a pillow under his head and lacing his fingers together over his stomach. “Don’t worry about me.”

“I’m trying not to,” I said, too tired to care about what came out of my mouth now. “But you keep popping up today. Why is that, do you figure?” Sleep tugged at my eyes, but I wouldn’t let them close. Exhaustion made me feel like I was drunk or something, and suddenly I needed to talk to him. I figured I could work out my twisted reasoning when my brain was rested enough to actually function. For now, I let it drift in the sleepy fog that was settling over me. It seemed more peaceful than being fully alert, so I embraced it and waited for Nick’s answer.

“I don’t think now’s the best time to talk about that, do you?” he said, sounding very wary very suddenly. “If you want to, we can talk about it tomorrow before I leave.”

“Leaving again, huh?” I said, my words coming out slightly slurred. “Seems to be your pattern.” I paused. “No, wait, your pattern is kicking people out, isn’t it? Yeah, that seems more accurate.”

I noticed him tense ever-so-slightly. “Not tonight, Mycki,” he said, a bit more firmly.

I sat up, suddenly feeling very pissed off. “Why not tonight, Nick? Why not now?” I snapped sleepily. I swayed where I sat, trying to stay upright. “You fucking hurt me, you prick. You gave me one of the best experiences of my life, and then you threw me out like yesterday’s garbage. Why the hell shouldn’t I be able to talk about it?” I disregarded the fact that I’d already ran way from him when he’d tried to explain. That didn’t matter in my sleepy fog.

He sighed heavily and heaved himself up off the couch. I shrank back as he approached the bed, his hand stretched out toward me. I didn’t know what to do, so I just stared at him.

“Myckaila, come here,” he instructed, grabbing my hand and tugging gently. Dazed, letting my exhaustion get the better of me, I let him pull me off the bed and to my feet in front of him. He took my face between his hands and forced me to look him right in the eye. “Listen to me very carefully, okay?” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. I stayed still and didn’t speak, barely able to breathe because of the heat his hands were sending down through my body. I fought to stay angry, but it was getting more difficult by the second.

“I didn’t mean to throw you out,” he said after a brief pause. “I apologize, a hundred times over, if that’s what it takes. Do you want to know what I did when you were gone that night? Would it help if I told you?”

I managed a half-hearted shrug.

“As soon as the elevator doors closed, I went back to my room and I cried,” he said, his facing colouring slightly at his admission. He really had my attention now.

“You cried?” I whispered, not sure I’d heard him correctly.

“Yeah, pretty fucking pathetic, isn’t it?” he said, a disgusted look on his face. “I’m not good with this kind of thing, so bear with me a minute, okay?” He took a deep breath. “What we did was different from what I usually do with my one night stands,” he started, dropping his hands and moving back from me a little. I sat on the bed and watched as he started to pace.

“You don’t have sex with them?” I asked, completely confused now. I swear, my brain was crying out for sleep, but I didn’t want to interrupt him now that I was finally going to get some real answers.

“Oh, I have sex with them all right,” he said, pacing a bit faster. “It’s usually fast, though, and somewhat aggressive, I’ll admit. Normally I just want what I want and that’s it, you know?”

“That’s attractive,” I muttered sarcastically, rolling my eyes. “Basically you use them, the way you used me. I think I knew that already.”

“But there was nothing aggressive or rushed about what we did,” he said, coming over to kneel in front of me. He reached up and took my hands in his. I tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let me. “When I saw you sitting in that stupid room, by the fire, I didn’t actually think I’d sleep with you. I was honestly looking for a bit of a thrill, just to see the nervous adoration in your eyes, like I’d seen earlier in the day. I wanted a hit of that, and nothing else.” He sighed again. “I know that’s horrible of me, messing with you like that, but you shocked me. You were calm and relaxed, which wasn’t what I’d been expecting. It calmed me down a bit, too.”

“I don’t think I want to hear anymore,” I said, completely appalled by the fact that he’d been playing with my head. He knew what he did to me, and he wanted to see it again to stroke his own ego. That was just fucking great.

“Please, just hear me out,” he said, squeezing my fingers when I moved to take them away again. “You asked, remember?” At my heavy sigh, he continued. “It was comfortable in that little room with you, Mycki. I didn’t feel like I needed to talk, to impress, to be the clown, like I normally do around new people. The quiet was nice, you know? Not forced or anything. I’m not used to being that comfortable that fast, and to this day, I still can’t tell you what caused it. But when we went to leave and you brushed against me, unintentionally, it made me want you.”

“A woman brushing up against a man usually causes that kind of reaction,” I muttered, trying to hold onto my sarcasm so I didn’t turn into a puddle of mush in front of him. I really didn’t want to hear anymore, but I knew the dam had burst now and I was going to hear it regardless.

“Not that deep, though,” he insisted, leaning down to meet my eyes as I tried to keep away from his. “I’m not explaining it right, as usual. What I felt wasn’t just physical, does that make sense?”

“None at all.”

“Shit,” he hissed, getting more agitated by the second. I knew I wasn’t helping, but I didn’t really want him to finish.

“You can’t feel something more than physical lust for someone you’ve known for two seconds, Nick,” I pointed out coldly. The tired feeling was gone from my head and only cold anger was left in its place. The funny thing was, the anger was more at myself than at him.

“Normally I’d agree with you,” he said, resting back on his heels and dropping my hands. “That’s why this was so hard to take. It felt like something inside of me physically moved, Mycki, I’m not kidding. Yeah, I wanted to have sex with you, I’m a guy, but wanting to watch you, to make you feel those things, that’s unusual. That was the new part, the scary part.”

“No, the scary part is how quickly you changed, Nick,” I said, folding my arms over my chest, as though to protect myself from him. “If any of what you’re saying is true, you wouldn’t have acted the way you did. You would have treated me with a bit of respect, but you didn’t, so now I’m having a tough time believing your crap.”

“You can believe what you want,” he said, getting frustrated with me. “I’m trying to be honest with you, to talk about how I felt, which is something I never do, and you’re not even giving me a chance to explain it properly. I may have treated you like shit then, but you’re doing it to me now.”

“You don’t deserve better,” I said as he stood up and began pacing again. “If I hadn’t been here tonight, if my sister hadn’t asked me to take my niece to the concert, you wouldn’t have even had a chance to explain things, so it’s not like you really want to. You tried to sleep with me again, I turned you down, and now you’re making up all this garbage to make me feel bad for you. It’s not working, just so you know. The only person I feel bad for right now is myself, being stuck in this stupid room with you. I’d probably be better off in the hallway.”

I threw back my blankets and jumped out of the bed. I couldn’t be in that room with him anymore, not knowing what he was trying to do. He’d never given me another thought between that night a year ago and now, so why should I let him try to fill my head with more of his lies so that he could have sex with me again? And why should I put myself through the hurt again, when I knew it was inevitable? Fool me once, shame on him, but fool me twice, shame on me, right? I wasn’t that stupid.

I was just about to open the door when someone knocked on it. Startled, I froze, my hand in mid-air. Nick moved me aside and opened it, accepting a stack of blankets from the bellhop, signing the slip, and swiftly closing the door again. He threw the blankets on the bed, and turned to me. He was now blocking my exit, standing between me and the door, and I knew that if I tried to get around him, he’d stop me.

“Nick, get out of my way,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. I felt tears coming, lots of them, and I wanted to be far away from him when they finally spilled over.

“No,” he said simply, moving closer to me, backing me up until the back of my legs touched the edge of the bed. “You’re not going to run anymore tonight. You’re going to hear me out, fully, and understand what I have to say. If you leave now, this will never be over. Neither of us will ever be satisfied.” He ran a hand through his hair, causing some of it to stand on end. “And I’m not going another year wondering where you are and what you’re doing.”

“Like you did that in the first place,” I said, rolling my eyes, fighting the urge to smooth that hair back into place.

“More than once,” he said, somewhat sadly, hooking his finger under my chin and lifting my face to look at him. “I wondered what your laugh sounded like, what you liked to do for fun, what other types of music you listen to, random things like that. There was no way for me to contact you, I didn’t even know what city you were from.” His thumb smoothed over my cheek as he gave me a sad smile. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, especially after I acted like such a jerk. And here you are. You don’t think there’s a little bit of fate in that?”

I looked at him for a brief second, asking myself if he was being sincere, if I could actually believe what he was saying. I just didn’t know.

“You sound like a bad romance novel,” I decided finally. “You don’t need to say things like that, you know. It won’t help. You don’t believe in fate any more than I do, so cut the shit.”

He closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened them, I saw the hurt clearly in their blue depths. Guilt shot through my stomach. He moved his hand across my cheek, up under my hair, over my neck, and pulled me in so our noses were almost touching.

“I believe in fate, Myckaila,” he whispered, and I could feel the warmth of his breath on my face. My insides started to quiver, and I fought to make sure my outsides didn’t as well.

“What do you want from me, Nick?” I whispered back, feeling my eyes start to mist over a bit. “I just can’t trust you, don’t you get that? You need to realize that this isn’t something that’s just going to go away, no matter how much you talk to me about it, no matter how much you want me to believe you’re sorry. I need time, and given that after tonight I’ll never see you again, I don’t think that’s something we have.”

“It can be,” he suggested, rubbing his nose against mine slightly. My knees trembled. “Just because we’re going in different directions after tonight doesn’t mean we can’t keep in touch.”

“I don’t know if I want to keep in touch with you,” I said as he placed a light kiss just to the left of my mouth. “And don’t do that.” I couldn’t think with him that close to me.

“Then I’ll give you my cell number,” he said, placing another little kiss on my face, this time to the right of my mouth. I think I almost stopped breathing, he was so close. “You can call me when you’re ready.”

“And what if I never am?” I asked, accepting a light kiss on my forehead. If he kept doing that, I doubted I’d be able to get out of there. I was beginning to wonder if I really wanted to. The battle between what I wanted and what I knew was right was raging brightly inside me, and I had no idea which side would win.

“Then at least I tried, right?” he said, kissing my chin. His hands were now resting lightly on my hips, not moving, not pulling me, just sitting there. Their warmth was incredible, and my body remembered it well, despite my best efforts. I should have walked away right there, should have shoved him and ran, but I couldn’t. What I wanted was winning out over what was right, and I felt myself relaxing a bit, almost leaning into him.

I lifted my head and as soon as I did, his lips came down on mine, softly, gently. He withdrew after the briefest second, such a chaste kiss, yet enough to make every inch of my body erupt in flames.

My hands lightly gripped his elbows, and I was aware that he probably felt me shaking. I kept repeating over and over in my head that he’d hurt me, that I shouldn’t be this close to him, that I was only asking for trouble now. But I couldn’t, for the life of me, make myself move.

When I didn’t move away, he lowered his head and our mouths connected again, still lightly, hesitantly. I slid my fingers up his arms and over his shoulders, such strong shoulders, such smooth skin, such beautiful tattoos. I began tracing the lines on his tattoos as he kissed me, and it caused him to move his hands from my waist to my back, bringing me into him, so there was no space left between us.

“I have to get up in a couple hours,” he murmured against my lips. “At least stay until then.”

I leaned back a bit. “Stay and do what?” I asked, unable to keep the bitterness from my voice, as much as my body was screaming at me to just shut the hell up and let nature take its course.

“Whatever you want,” he said, his eyes shining in the dim light.

My weariness was starting to come back, especially since I knew Cammi would get up in a few hours and I’d have to drive her home. As much as I wanted to continue certain activities, I knew I couldn’t. I’d probably fall asleep before our clothes hit the floor. Giving in to that, I stepped away.

“I need to sleep, Nick,” I said, letting myself sink down on the bed. “Just sleep.”

He hid his frustration well, but I could see it in the way he started to fidget. “I’ll be on the couch, then,” he said, sounding resigned. He grabbed the extra blankets off the bed and started laying them out on the couch.

“Nick,” I whispered, going to him, resting my hand on the small of his back as he bent to his task. “Why don’t we share the bed?” I suggested when he turned around. I was almost appalled that the idea came from my mouth, but I didn’t flinch away from it. The bed was huge, after all. Why couldn’t we be adults and share?

“Are you sure?” he asked as I took his hand and pulled him toward the bed. “That could get complicated.”

“Just sleep, Nick,” I said firmly as I climbed under the covers. “You on your side, me on mine, we’ll be fine.”

“If you say so,” he said, tugging off his shirt and crawling in beside me. He kicked off his pants under the blankets and threw them on the floor. I gave him a look and he shrugged. “Can’t sleep in pants,” he muttered before rolling over and turning out the light.

We settled ourselves quickly, and he set the alarm on the nightstand. I could hear his smooth, even breathing in the darkness, could feel the heat coming from him even though he wasn’t touching me, and I made a decision.

“Nick?” I said quietly, afraid to disturb the shadows around us. “You awake?”

“Yeah.”

I rolled to face him and propped myself up on my elbow, finding myself closer to him than I’d intended to be.

“Why are you in the middle of the bed?” I asked, keeping my tone light and teasing.

“Habit, I guess,” he said, looking over at me. I could barely see his face in the dimness, but I could see enough to know he was looking at me. “Sorry.” He started to shift away. I put my hand on his chest to stop him. He froze.

“It’s okay,” I said, unable to take my fingers from his smooth skin. I shifted closer and placed a little kiss on his collarbone.

“Mycki, what are you doing?” he asked, and I felt his breathing hitch as my hand moved under the sheet that covered him. I let my fingertips trail over his stomach, around his belly button, over the dents at the top of his hips, across the waistband of his boxers. I kept my touch feather-light as I traced the same trail back upwards.

“I’m still pissed at you,” I said, wanting that to be clear up front. “But let’s face it, I’m a woman, and I have needs. If you don’t object, I’d like to have another meaningless night with you.” Why the hell did I sound so formal? I shook my head. “Basically, Nick, I want to have sex.”

I heard and felt him suck in a deep breath at my words. He didn’t move, though.

“Nick?”

“I’ll probably kick myself for this later, but I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said, lifting my hand off of him and setting it on the bed between us. “After what happened last time, I don’t think either one of us is ready for that.”

“What the hell happened to ‘whatever you want?’” I asked, sitting up. I reached over him and turned the light back on. “Were those not your exact words like five minutes ago?”

“Yeah, I know what I said,” he said, hauling himself up into a sitting position. “The shit we’ve been dealing with tonight kind of makes meaningless sex impossible, and you said yourself, you’re still pissed at me. I know you’ll hate me again tomorrow if we do this tonight, so let’s just get some sleep, okay?”

He was actually turning me down. I couldn’t believe it. “What did you expect would happen when you kissed me like that?” I asked, feeling the first sting of rejection prickle at the back of my mind. “Did you think the sex would mean something? Did you think I’d just forgive and forget and fall into your arms? Sex between us will never be anything but meaningless, Nick, keep that in mind.”

“So you say now,” he said, shrugging. “You don’t know what will happen down the road. And even the first time wasn’t meaningless on my end.”

He laid down again and turned off the light, keeping his back to me. “Good night, Mycki,” he said over his shoulder. “Get some rest.”

So the subject was closed. I sat there for a minute, letting the humiliation wash over me, then I laid down, too. I settled in for my second sleepless night at his hands. And not in a good way.

“What are you thinking?” I dared to whisper after a few minutes of silence. I kissed his shoulder again.

He shrugged beneath me. “Not sure,” he said, sounding far away.

I rolled onto my stomach and propped myself up on his chest, resting my head on my hands as I looked down at him. “I’m kind of glad I went down to the lobby now,” I teased, reaching up to trace his lips with my fingertip. He still wasn’t looking at me, and I couldn’t figure out why. I felt so warm, so relaxed, so satisfied, I never wanted to move. He felt so solid beneath me, I just wished he would touch me, talk to me, look at me, something to show me he was still there.

“Me too,” he muttered, his eyes on the ceiling, folding his hands behind his head. I took that as my cue and sat up, pulling the sheet with me as I went. Part of me was hoping for another round, but he seemed to be shutting down on me, so I didn’t want to push my luck.

“I’m going to go,” I said, sliding off the bed, still holding the sheet to me. It felt weird to be naked in front of him now, awkward almost. I started gathering my clothes from where we’d haphazardly dropped them, only an hour or so before.

He sat up and watched me for a minute, with an almost sour expression on his face. He looked angry, somehow, bitter, and I had no idea what I’d done to cause it.

I took my clothes into the bathroom and began dressing quickly. I reassembled my ponytail, straightened my shirt, and went back into the bedroom.

Nick was sitting on the edge of the bed, his chest bare, but wearing his sweatpants again. He stood when I came out and threw on his sweatshirt.

“I’ll walk you out,” he said, moving toward the door. I must have looked shocked, because his face softened ever-so-slightly. “I have an early interview, and then we’re back on the road,” he said, refusing to meet my eyes. He opened the door. “I need to get some sleep.”

I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. I wasn’t sure what I’d done, what I’d said, but for some reason, he couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I steeled myself against the hurt that was threatening to make me say something I’d regret. I refused to beg him, to humiliate myself by asking what was up, so I squared my shoulders and headed to the door.

I trailed him silently down the hallway, my own personal walk of shame, even though no one was there now. I hadn’t expected to spend the night or anything, but being practically shoved out of the room mere minutes after we’d finished wasn’t what I’d expected either, and it made me feel embarrassed and ashamed of the whole thing. That was definitely not how I wanted to feel about one of the most sensual experiences of my life. The whole thing suddenly felt tainted.

“Do you want me to take you to your room?” Nick asked as we waited for the elevator. He shifted from foot to foot, slowly, so slowly it was barely noticeable, but I picked up on his discomfort. He still refused to look at my face.

“No, I can manage,” I said, a little more harshly than I’d intended. His eyes snapped up to meet mine, presumably at my tone, and I looked at the floor, feeling myself blush. Then I figured, what the hell, he was already pissy with me, why should I look away? I met his eyes again.

“I, uh, I had a good time,” he said, looking completely awkward now. “Thanks.”

That seemed like such an understatement and an overstatement, all at the same time. I knew that while we’d been together, he’d enjoyed himself, but now he was acting like I’d told him he had a small dick or something.

And how the hell was I supposed to respond to his thanks? I wanted to tell him that if he really wanted to thank me, he’d stop being a jerk and take me back into his room for awhile, even if it was just to cuddle or talk or something. I wondered if I had a pimp somewhere that someone forgot to tell me about, because I suddenly felt like a prostitute who’d overstayed her welcome. I couldn’t help the bitter smirk that crossed my face as I wondered what my going rate was.

Nick gave me a curious look as the elevator opened. “Care to share your private joke?” he said, seeming to relax a bit now that my departure was almost immediately upon us.

I eyed him for a second. “Not with you,” I said, then went into the elevator. The doors shut behind me before he could say anything else.

I went back to my room, hoping Meegan and Jill were sleeping. I didn’t want to explain why a simple pillow run had turned into a two-plus-hour venture. I just wanted to climb into a hot shower and wash away the shame that was burning brightly inside of me.

No such luck. Meegan and Jill were lounging on their beds when I let myself into the room, gorging themselves on popcorn, their movie nearing its conclusion. They barely looked up when I came in.

“Where’d you go?” Jill asked around a mouthful of popcorn. “The pillows got here over an hour ago.” She gestured to the stack of pillows that was piled up on the sofa bed where I’d be sleeping. “Did you get lost?”

“Uh, I just curled up in the sitting room thing down in the lobby for a bit,” I stammered, tugging my hair free of its ponytail. It suddenly occurred to me that I probably smelled like sex, so I grabbed my bag and headed for the bathroom. “I’m going to jump in the shower,” I called over my shoulder.

“Don’t be long,” Jill called, swallowing loudly. “I’m next.”

I locked the bathroom door and pressed my back against it, sliding down until I was sitting on the floor. I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in them, just in time for the tears to start. I felt used, cheap, and beyond dirty. That was never part of the fantasy, never something I’d factored in, even when I’d been okay with a one-night stand. I figured we’d do our thing, have some quiet time, and then I’d voluntarily get up and go back to my room. I didn’t think I’d feel forced into leaving so soon afterwards. That part just didn’t sit well with me.

After awhile, I pulled myself up off the floor and started the shower. As I took off my clothes, I could still smell him on them, and that brought the tears again. I shoved my clothing into my bag, determined not to let that scent get to me, not to give in to it again and let myself get all sentimental over the creep who’d just thrown me out of his room.

The hot water felt amazing against my skin, and it washed away the tears. The problem was, it didn’t make me feel any less cheap. I doubted anything could at that point in time.

I dressed slowly in new pajamas when I was finished in the shower, and methodically combed out my hair. I could barely look at myself in the mirror as I did so, and was glad the steam from the shower had obscured the image a bit. I didn’t know if I’d ever look at myself the same way again.

The movie credits were just rolling when I went back into the bedroom. Jill and Meegan were giggling about something, and tossing little bits of popcorn at each other, just generally making a mess. I tried to smile at their fun, but I couldn’t. I folded out the sofa bed and flopped down on it, turning away from both of them.

“Mycki, what’s up?” Jill asked, no longer giggling. She sounded concerned. “You okay?”

“Just tired,” I mumbled into my pillow. “It’s been a long day.”

“I bet you’ll have sweet dreams tonight,” Meegan teased, throwing a piece of popcorn at me.

I jumped up in bed. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I snapped, feeling defensive.

“Uh, just that you met Nick fucking Carter today, genius,” Meegs replied, rolling her eyes at me.

Well, she had the ‘fucking’ part right. She’d just forgotten a few things, like ‘asshole,’ ‘creep,’ and ‘prick,’ to name a few.

I tried to smile, to cover up the hurt that I was feeling so I wouldn’t have to explain myself. “I guess it just hasn’t sunk in yet,” I said, shrugging. “It’s like three in the morning, my mind is barely functioning, so excitement is probably a bit much to ask at this point.”

“If I kissed Nick Carter, I wouldn’t sleep for a week,” Jill announced, gathering up her toiletries for her shower. “I bet he’s a killer in the sack.”

Oh, he was a killer all right. A killer of dreams and innocent childhood fantasies, that is, not to mention a killer of self-esteem. The dreamy expression on her face made my stomach turn and I had to look away.

“What do you think he’s like?” Meegan asked, sitting cross-legged on her bed, the popcorn beside her pretty much forgotten. I winced at her question and stayed quiet.

“He’s probably really aggressive,” Jill said, perching on the edge of Meegan’s bed. “He probably likes it rough and fast, you know? Get in and get out?”

She had no idea how right she was, about the last part, anyway. My face heated up at her words, and I hoped she wouldn’t notice.

“Nah,” Meegan disagreed, shaking her head, her blond curls bouncing. “He probably likes to take his time, to show off the skills he’s picked up throughout the years from the various groupies he’s nailed. I’ll bet he’s kind of full of himself in that department, you know? Any guy who has that much sex would have to be.”

Now I was a groupie he’d nailed? I felt physically ill at that description. That was not something I ever thought would be said about me.

“You think he’s seeing anyone?” Jill said, picking at her fingernail, her green eyes sparkling with curiosity. “Like, seriously seeing them? Not just fucking some chick on the side.”

This just kept getting better and better. I had to stop them before my head exploded.

“Can we not talk about this tonight?” I said, shaking my wet hair out over my pillow and staring at the contrast of dark brown against the white of the pillowcase.

“Oh yes, let’s not talk about all of the guy’s conquests in front of the sensitive one,” Meegan teased, tossing a pillow at me. “Fuck, Myck, you probably think the guy’s still a virgin or something.” She rolled her eyes. “Sorry to disappoint you, but he’s probably given more shaft than an elevator.”

Didn’t I know it. “It’s just a bit rude to be talking about him like he’s a piece of meat, that’s all,” I said, knowing it sounded totally lame.

“When has that ever stopped us before?,” Jill hooted, almost falling off the bed in her fit of giggles. “You know you think it just as much as we do, oh mighty prissy one. Don’t even try to tell me you don’t.”

I sighed. “Okay, I do,” I conceded, my head starting to throb. “But when was the last time I did it at three in the morning? Come on, guys, I need some sleep. I’m driving tomorrow, remember?” I rolled away from them and buried my face in my pillow, hoping that was enough to get them to stop yapping about Nick.

“Sorry, hun,” Meegs whispered, reaching over to turn out the light as Jill went into the bathroom. “We’ll be good.”

Unbeknownst to them, I didn’t sleep a wink that night.

“There are still complications, Nick,” I said, shaking myself out of my daze. “And I don’t buy your crap. You met me twice, and the second time you slept with me. There wasn’t time to feel anything other than the massive orgasms we both had.” I took a deep breath. “We need to leave it at that, okay?”

He closed his eyes for a brief second, and an expression crossed his face that I didn’t understand. I took that opportunity to shove him back from me enough that I could wiggle free. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get back through the door with him standing where he was, so I opted to go up the stairs. I figured I could get away from him more easily on another floor.

I ran up a few flights of stairs then snuck through one of the doors. I hoped he wouldn’t find me, hadn’t been able to keep up, if he decided to follow at all, that is. I needed to be alone to process what he’d said, to even begin to deal with it. And I certainly couldn’t do that with him standing right in front of me.

I wandered the hallways for awhile, careful to avoid going back to my room, just in case. Every time I heard footsteps, I jumped, figuring it would be Nick, that he’d sought me out somehow, as ridiculous as I knew that was. He’d probably gone back to his own room to get some sleep. I knew I should be doing the same thing, but I didn’t want to just yet.

The longer I wandered, the harder it became to get Nick’s face out of my mind. He’d looked so sincere when he’d been telling me those things, but there was no logical way he could have felt the way he did. It didn’t make sense to me at all.

But I also couldn’t explain my own reaction to him, either. Of course I’d known going in that it would be a one-night thing. Why did it affect me the way it had? He’d been everything I’d dreamed he would be, but that didn’t explain my expectations afterwards. Was I just reacting to the hurt I’d felt at the time, figuring it meant more than it did? Were those crushing feelings of sadness just me realizing I’d essentially lost the fantasy when the reality lived up to it? I was letting go of something I’d held on to since puberty, pretty much, and I’d actually made it real, I’d felt it, I’d experienced every thrill and rush, and now there was no mystery left, there was no wondering. Was that what I was really sad about?

The tears that slid down my face went unnoticed until I felt one slip over my chin. I felt like a fool, crying over this for the thousandth time, letting him have this affect on me yet again, but what could I do? I hadn’t expected to be face-to-face with him again, to have him opening old wounds by trying to explain himself to me, so naturally I’d get upset. Right?

The whole mess was starting to make my head hurt, so I wiped the back of my hand over my eyes to clear the damned tears, and headed back to my room. I hoped like hell Cammi hadn’t woken up while I’d been gone.

I got to my room and went to unlock the door, but I couldn’t find the keycard. Then I remembered, I’d left it on the counter in the bathroom, beside my wallet and car keys. I’d have to go down to the lobby to get someone to let me in. Of course the tear stains all over my face would make that situation even more humiliating than it already was.

Resigning myself to my fate, I took the elevator to the ground floor. As I made my way across the lobby, I tried to keep my head down, to avoid being noticed. There were still quite a few people lingering around, and my face was a mess.

I got up to the desk and waited for the attendant to look up from the conversation he was having with a darker skinned man a few feet away. It took me a minute to realize this was the guy who’d handed me Nick’s note at the concert. I turned away quickly, before he could see me.

I stood there for a few minutes, my face turned away, until the attendant finally came over to me. He gave me a kindly smile, deepening the laugh lines in his skin.

“I locked myself out of my room,” I said quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear. “My niece is sleeping, and I need to get back to her. Can someone let me in, please?”

“What room are you in, ma’am?” the attendant asked, looking at me with a slightly suspicious eye. Noting all of the girls standing around in the lobby, I wasn’t surprised.

“315,” I said, feeling my face heat up. “Myckaila Jordan, booked under Tania Johnson.” I held my breath as he typed it in the computer.

“Do you have any identification, ma’am?” he asked, keeping his voice down, too. “It’s company policy to see ID before we let people into any of our rooms.”

“It’s all in my room,” I said, feeling my stomach sink. “I can show someone as soon as they let me in.” I knew that wouldn’t be good enough.

“The only thing I can suggest is waking up your niece,” the man said, stepping away from the computer and starting to busy himself with papers that were sitting on the edge of the desk. “Other than that, I’m sorry, I can’t really help you.”

My face burned with embarrassment as I realized he was telling me I couldn’t get back into my own room. I knew the only thing I could do was go back upstairs and bang on the door, hoping Cammi wasn’t too far gone to wake up and let me in. I hated waking the poor kid, knowing how much she needed the rest, but I didn’t see any hope for it.

“Thank-you,” I muttered, and headed back to the elevator.

When I reached my room, I hesitated a second, then raised my fist and banged on the door. I knew the people in the neighbouring rooms wouldn’t appreciate me making so much noise in the middle of the night, but I had no choice. I waited a minute, then banged again, louder this time. There was no response.

“Damnit,” I hissed, slamming my hand against the door one final time.

“Having a problem, Mycki?” Nick’s voice hit me like a ton of bricks. He was the very last person I wanted to see at that moment. I took a second to compose myself, then turned to him.

“I left my keycard in my room and the desk clerk won’t let me back in without ID,” I said, casting a withering glance at the door. “Unfortunately, my ID is in my room.”

“And you think it’s going to answer if you bang on the door?” he teased, a small smirk playing around the corners of his mouth. He was only a few feet away, almost like he didn’t want to get too close to me. I appreciated the space.

“My niece is sleeping in there,” I said, almost rudely. “I was hoping to wake her up so she’ll let me in. But she sleeps like the dead because of her – uh, because she’s a teenager, so I doubt I’ll be getting in tonight.” I’d had to catch myself before I blurted out Cammi’s little secret. He didn’t need to know that.

“What are you going to do?” he asked, folding his arms over his chest, his bare arms, might I add. He’d lost the sweatshirt and was standing in front of me in a black tank top and sweatpants. I fought not to stare.

“Wait it out, I guess,” I sighed, not relishing the idea of sitting in the hallway for God knows how long while Cammi slept. I shrugged, trying to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. “I don’t really have any other options, do I?” I sat heavily, with my back against the door. The carpet was soft, I’d have that much at least.

Nick came and sat beside me, not touching me, but almost. He leaned his head back against the door and looked over at me. “So we wait,” he sighed, stretching his long legs out in front of him.

“Um, ‘we?’” I said shortly. “There was no ‘we’ in my answer, Nick.”

“In a couple of hours, when your ass is ready to fall off and your body’s screaming at you from sitting on the floor, you’ll be glad for the company, Mycki,” he said, matter-of-factly. “Not that I relish the idea of sitting here for the rest of the night, but I’ll survive.”

“Go back to your own room, then,” I said firmly, my stomach lurching at the idea that he wanted to stay with me. I wasn’t used to that from him. “I don’t need company.”

It was his turn to shrug. “You will,” he said, that cocky tone in his voice. I knew he was right, I’d cave at some point and be glad he cared enough to stay. If I could call that caring.

“You’re not getting into my pants tonight,” I snapped, probably a little more harshly than necessary. I threw a sideways glance at him over my shoulder.

“Never said I was, did I?” he said, adjusting a bit against the hard door. “In case you didn’t notice, we’re sitting in a public hallway. I’m not that kinky.”

I resisted looking at his face, at the smug grin I knew would be there. I fought the urge to smile. Damn him.

We sat in silence for awhile, every once in awhile fidgeting to get more comfortable. There was a heavy tension hanging between us, and I couldn’t tell anymore if it was angry or sexual. I prayed it was the former. I couldn’t deal with sexual tension right then.

Nick started to get more and more jumpy as time went on. He couldn’t sit still, but that was normal. He’d always been restless every time I’d seen him onstage or in interviews. The man had a hard time sitting still, he had too much energy.

“Are you sure you don’t just want to go back to your room?” I asked when he’d re-crossed his ankles for the fifth time in as many minutes. “I’m good by myself.”

“I said I’d stay, so here I am,” he said, but there was nothing harsh in his voice. I threw him a sideways glance and knew that he was as uncomfortable as I was, but he wasn’t complaining. I started to feel bad.

“Do you want to go down to the lobby and sit for awhile?” I suggested, letting my guilt get the better of me. “There were some comfy-looking chairs scattered around, I’m sure we’d be better off there than we are here.” I resigned myself to the fact that I wasn’t getting rid of him. He just wouldn’t go.

“There are probably fans lingering down there, too,” he pointed out, giving me a wary look. I studied his face for a second and my guilt increased when I saw how tired he looked. He needed sleep more than I did, given the performance he’d put on earlier in the night. Stupid jerk was just plain stubborn.

“You’ve done your duty, you sat with me for a couple of hours, why don’t you just go back to your room and get some rest?” I said, moving so I was sitting on my knees, facing him. He was starting to piss me off again with his lack of common sense.

“I’ll make you a deal,” he said, sitting forward and crossing his legs under him. “I’ll go to my room and get some rest on one condition.” He paused and looked right into my eyes, startling me somewhat. His eyes were still way too blue for his own good.

“And that would be?” I prompted, more to stop myself from doing something stupid than because I actually wanted to know. I had a nagging suspicion I already knew what he was going to say.

“You come with me.”

Yup, there it was. “What did I tell you already?” I snapped, leaning back on my heels.

“No one said anything about sex,” he pointed out. “But if I’m going to sleep, you should, too. There’s a couch in my room, I’ll take that, you take the bed. Totally innocent.”

Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the fact that I couldn’t feel the right side of my ass, but his offer was actually tempting.

“Totally innocent?” I repeated, raising one eyebrow at him. “Promise?”

He made an ‘x’ over his heart with his finger. “Promise,” he said, then stood up and extended his hand to me.

I took his hand reluctantly and rose as well, stretching out my aching muscles. His hand was warm in mine, and felt unbelievably nice, but I pulled away when he gave my fingers a gentle squeeze.

“Lead the way,” I said, gesturing for him to go. He shrugged and headed to the elevator.

The sense of déjà vu I felt when I stepped off the elevator and followed him down the hallway was hard to ignore. The guy who’d given me the note was just coming out of one of the rooms, and he rose an eyebrow at me, then smiled, well, leered, really. I knew what was going through his mind, and I wanted to tell him off, but I just didn’t have the energy. I kept my eyes straight ahead and followed Nick.

“The sheets are fresh,” Nick said as we entered his room. He flipped on a light switch, then went and grabbed a couple of pillows off the bed. “You don’t mind if I take these, do you?” he asked, turning to me.

I shook my head, noticing there were still four pillows on the massive bed. I didn’t comment, though, just stood by the door awkwardly. I wasn’t sure what to do.

“I’ll call down and get some extra blankets,” Nick said, seemingly oblivious to my discomfort. “There aren’t enough to keep both of us warm.”

He moved around the large room, completely at ease, while I stood rooted to the spot, feeling like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. Being alone in a hotel room with him was bringing back too many memories. And not all of them were good.

We hurried out of the venue after the show ended, anxious to get back to the warmth of our hotel room. My ears were still ringing from the sheer volume of the screams, and the music itself, and I was still giddy from Nick’s kiss. I could still feel his lips against mine, and his arms around me. I never wanted to forget that feeling.

Jillian and I had sprung for a really ritzy hotel not far from the concert venue, as a way of thanking Meegan for the tickets. By the time we’d actually reached the lobby, it was swarmed with people, much the way the venue had been for the concert.

“What the hell is this about?” Jill shouted to me as we pushed our way through the crowd, showing a hotel employee our room key so we could get past him. “Where did all these people come from?”

“My guess is the same place we just did,” Meegan called back, grabbing my arm to keep from getting lost behind us. She’s pretty tiny and would easily be lost in the shuffle.

“But why are they here?” I asked, wincing as I caught an elbow to the side.

“Kissing Nick must have fried your brain,” Jill said, smirking at me over her shoulder. “I’m pretty sure that this is where the group is staying. It makes sense, now that I think about it.”

“Oh God,” I breathed, barely able to keep up with Jill as I processed the idea that Nick would be in that very hotel that night, sleeping just a few floors away from me. I felt my face heat up as I let my mind wander.

“We’ve lost her,” Meegan yelled as we neared the elevators. She started shoving me forward as my feet became very heavy.

I threw a glance over my shoulder to see if the guys were coming in yet, knowing full-well I’d want to be in that crowd if they had. The thought was stupid, I knew it, but I needed to get close to him again. That’s all there was to it.

“I kind of want to hang around down here,” I said when we were safely inside the elevator, out of the crowd. I couldn’t keep the grin from my face.

Meegan and Jillian exchanged a smirk, then glanced back at me. “You won’t get near him with that mob,” Jill pointed out. “Why don’t we go upstairs, raid the mini-bar, settle in for the night, and then we can wander the halls later, see if we find them?”

“As if they’re just going to wander around the hotel randomly at night,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I have a better chance of having monkeys fly out of my ass than running into Nick Carter here in the hotel later.”

“You never know,” Jill said, putting her arm around me. “It could happen.”

“Right.” I rolled my eyes again.

I trailed behind the girls when we reached our floor, and I admit it, I was pouting. I felt like I’d missed my chance to see Nick again, and I wasn’t happy about it.

A couple of hours later, after going through all of the thousand pictures we’d collectively taken at the show that night, Meegan and Jill curled up on their beds with a movie. I couldn’t stop thinking about Nick being in the same hotel as me, and I was starting to worry about the amount I was thinking about him. Surely that couldn’t be normal.

“I’m going to go down the front desk and get some extra pillows,” I decided out loud, jumping up off of my bed. I figured, what the hell, it was worth a shot.

“They have people to bring those things up here, you know,” Meegan said on a yawn, not looking away from the television. “You don’t have to go out there in the middle of the freakin’ night.”

I shrugged and checked my hair in the bathroom mirror. “I don’t mind, it’ll save us having to tip someone.”

“Don’t be long,” Jill said, giving me a sleepy smile as I ducked around the door.

Now that I was out in the hallway, I had no idea what to do, where to go. I hadn’t thought that far ahead. What the hell was I even thinking? I shouldn’t be seeking the guy out like this, it wasn’t healthy. But I couldn’t make myself go back into my room, either. I set off down the hallway.

We were on the 11^th floor, so when I got in the elevator I pressed the button for the lobby. I needed to actually get those pillows, so that when I went back to the room I wouldn’t look like an idiot.

As I padded across the plush carpet in the lobby, I noticed a little group of people off to one side, clearly just shooting the shit, enjoying a carefree conversation. I tried not to stare, but when one of the larger guys in the group moved and I saw Nick, sitting in a chair against the wall, hidden from view by the men he was talking to, I couldn’t help but gawk a bit. He looked as amazing as he had at the concert, but his hair was wet and he was wearing what looked like old sweats. I forced myself to look away.

I went to the reception desk and waited for the brunette woman behind the counter to turn around. She greeted me with a big smile.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

“I’m in 1121,” I said, leaning on the counter, trying to forget who was just across the room from me. I was losing my nerve. “We’d like a few extra pillows, please.”

“Your name, dear?”

“Myckaila Jordan,” I said, ignoring the burst of laughter from behind me. “The room is under Jillian Bennett, though.”

“Okay, Ms. Jordan,” the woman said, clicking away on her keyboard. “I’ll have those sent right up.”

“Thank-you,” I said, not sure what to do now. I really could have just called down for that. I felt like a complete moron.

I turned away from the counter, figuring I’d just head back to the elevator, in no way having the guts to actually go over to Nick now that I’d seen him.

Then I saw a little room off to one side of the lobby, with comfortable looking chairs and magazines on the small tables beside them. It was a sitting room of sorts, and it looked quite inviting. I couldn’t go back up to the room yet, so I’d curl up in one of the chairs and read a magazine. Simple.

I made my way over to the little room, keeping my head down, trying not to glance over at Nick again. I failed, though, and shot one little look over to where he was still sitting. I almost stopped breathing when I realized he was looking right at me.

Recognition dawned on his beautiful face and he smiled. I smiled back and quickened my pace, not wanting him to think I was looking for him or anything. That would make me feel like an even bigger fool.

I chose the chair farthest from the doorway of the little room, near the fireplace I hadn’t seen from the lobby. It was quite cozy, nice and warm, and if I’d have known it was down there, I would have brought my book. As it was, I settled for one of the magazines laid out in front of me. I focused on my breathing, wanting to calm myself down, to get the giddiness out of my system.

Not much time had passed when I heard someone else enter the room. I looked up from the article I was reading and saw Nick standing in front of me, somewhat awkwardly.

“Hi,” I whispered, not sure what else to say. He was looking at me like he was expecting me to speak first, so I did. “How are you?” I felt like I’d swallowed cotton or something, for all the trouble those three little words had getting out of my mouth. He should really know better than to do that to a person. It wasn’t fair.

“I’m good, thanks,” he said, coming a few steps further into the room, tucking his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt. “Am I bothering you?” He seemed almost shy now, with just the two of us in the room, and it was quite different from the confident man who’d taken my camera from me that afternoon or kissed me at the show that night. The change was a bit disconcerting, but it made me a bit more comfortable.

“Not at all,” I said, smiling and setting the magazine down. “My roommates are watching a movie I’m not too fond of, so I came down here for some peace and quiet.” The lie felt totally natural coming out of my mouth, especially since I knew I couldn’t just come out and tell him I’d been looking for him. He’d run, screaming, the other way if I said that.

“Do you mind if I sit with you for a bit?” he asked, shifting his weight from foot to foot. “Peace and quiet sounds good to me right now.”

“Sure,” I said, ignoring the little thrill that shot through me as he looked at me. I gestured to the empty chairs around me. “Take your pick.”

He sat in the chair beside me, and gazed at the fire for a moment. That was the first time I’d seen him sit still all day. He was amazing when he sat still like that, without the energy flowing through him, forcing him to move and fidget.

We didn’t say anything for awhile, but I was beyond aware of how close to me he was actually sitting. Just one little table separated us, and I’d already figured out how long it would take me to jump over it at the slightest indication from him that he wanted me to.

Luckily I had more control on myself than that, and stayed where I was.

“Did you enjoy the show tonight?” he asked, finally breaking the silence. He glanced over at me, a sweet smile on his face, his blue eyes dancing in the firelight.

I nodded without hesitation. “It was one of the best shows of yours I’ve seen,” I answered honestly. “I love the choreography, and the pyrotechnics.” I paused. “You guys aren’t bad either.”

He chuckled. “I’m guessing you’ve seen more than one of our shows?” he teased, leaning ever-so-slightly toward me in his chair.

This time I hesitated. How was I going to tell him I’d seen 14 shows now, without him thinking I was a freaky fan? I opted to be non-committal and shrugged. “A few,” I said, hoping I sounded casual. “I’ve never been that close before, though.”

“It changes the experience a bit, doesn’t it?” he said, looking over at the fire this time. He seemed to be talking more to himself than to me. “Being that close?”

“Definitely,” I said quickly, then mentally kicked myself for sounding so eager. His kiss from the show ran through my mind, and I smiled, despite myself.

“I hope you don’t mind that I kissed you,” he said, echoing my own thoughts. His eyes caught mine.

That startled me. Surely no one ever minded when he did that type of thing? Maybe he was just being polite?

“Not at all,” I said quickly, probably a little too quickly, because he smiled and seemed to blush a bit, but it was hard to tell in the firelight. “I mean, it’s part of the experience, right?” I added lamely.

“Something like that,” he said, then abruptly stood up. He was so graceful, I could only stare. “I should probably get back upstairs,” he muttered, looking awkward again.

“Yeah, me too,” I said, rising as well. I wasn’t sure why I stood up, as I’d had no real intention of going back to my room, but I did it anyway. “It was nice talking to you. And thanks for today and tonight. That meant a lot.”

He smiled and moved a step closer to me. “No problem,” he said, his smile burning through me. My pulse started to race and I was suddenly very uncomfortable standing there.

I tried to move past him, to get out of that little room, but there wasn’t enough room between the chairs for me to get by, and I brushed up against him on the way through. The electricity I’d felt earlier charged from the spot where I’d touched him, and I stopped.

“Sorry,” I said, blushing six shades of red, not daring to look up at his face. I was beyond embarrassed, and yet I didn’t want to move.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, his voice low, his breath warm on my face. His hand came up to rest on my upper arm, and I instinctively turned to face him. He curled his upper body down toward me, and I knew what was coming. I wanted to pinch myself, to tell myself this was just some dumb dream and I’d wake up with Jill screaming in my ear that we were late any second.

But that didn’t happen. His hand slid down my arm and moved to my waist, and mine moved up over his shoulders, marveling at how strong and solid they were. I waited, hesitantly, for him to make the next move, to show me what he wanted from me. There was no way I was going to do anything unless I was following his lead.

I had to shut out the part of my mind that was screaming at me to get the hell away from him. I knew he slept with anything that moved, I knew that he wouldn’t care about me at all when it was over, I knew that I should have more respect for myself than that, but the truth was, in that moment, I was able to convince myself otherwise. I’d wanted this man, in one way or another, for over ten years, and now he was standing in front of me, his hand gently kneading the side of my hip, drawing me closer to him, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to walk away.

“Myckaila,” he breathed, his face coming even closer down to mine. I forced myself to look up into his eyes, and the desire I saw there shocked me. How the hell could he want me, of all people? But bugger that, I wasn’t going to question it.

“Do you want to kiss me, Nick?” I asked when he’d hovered too long, as though waiting for permission. “Again, that is?” I added with a soft chuckle.

He grinned, the sexiest grin I’ve ever seen, and tilted his head sideways a bit, like a curious puppy, so damned cute. “If you’ll let me,” he said. “Again.”

“I will,” I breathed, fighting off a shiver as he tightened his arms around me. I slid my fingers up into his hair, loving how soft it was against my skin, caressing the back of his neck as he lowered his head that last inch or so.

He pulled me flush against him as he brushed his lips softly over mine the first time. I held my breath, waiting to see what would happen, soaking in the warmth that radiated from him. I could feel every ridge of him against me, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. He was just soft enough to be inviting, and I cuddled in as our mouths connected again, a little more heatedly this time.

When his tongue snaked out and ran over my bottom lip, I was a goner. He scooped me up, pulling me up on my tiptoes so I fit better against him, and continued to deepen our kiss. He tasted oddly sweet, like he’d brushed his teeth recently, and he smelled like he’d just stepped out of the shower. He was warm and inviting and I didn’t ever want to move.

“Mycki,” he whispered after a few seconds, never moving away from my face. He placed little nipping kisses on my cheeks, up over my eyelids, and finally on the end of my nose before returning to my mouth. By this time I was clutching him more to stay on my feet than anything else. If he let go, I’d be a puddle of goo on the floor.

“What do you want, Mycki?” he asked, pulling back just enough to look into my eyes. He was very serious all of a sudden, and I guessed the ridge that was pressing against the bottom of my belly had something to do with it.

“Whatever you do,” I whispered, not nearly bold enough to tell him I just wanted him.

“Are you sure?” he said, his hands stroking up and down my back, making it impossible to form a coherent thought. I nodded.

He took my hand and led me quickly from the little room, toward the elevators at the far end of the lobby. When the doors had closed safely behind us, he pressed me against the back wall and continued his assault on my lips, this time pushing that insistent part of himself against my stomach. I couldn’t suppress the moan that rolled out of my throat.

“I take it you’re enjoying yourself,” he teased moving to nibble my earlobe. He sucked in a breath when I did the same to him, getting bolder by the second.

“That’s a safe assumption,” I said, my voice husky with need. “This damned elevator doesn’t go fast enough.” His hands found my hips and molded me to him, his ridge more apparent now than ever. Knowing that I brought on that kind of response in him, of all people, made me even braver. I slipped my hand between us and gently ran my fingers over the bulge I found.

He pushed against my fingers lightly, almost imperceptibly, as he kissed me again. Our breathing sped up as we became more and more heated, not caring that we were still in a public elevator, and that anyone could enter at any moment. We counted on the fact that it was the middle of the night to keep our secret for us.

When the doors finally opened, there was a large man standing just outside in the hallway. He glanced up, saw who we were, and nodded slightly. Nick all but ignored him as he led me down the hallway to the last room on the left. He pulled his key from his pocket and let us inside, then turned back to me, backing me into the room.

“Home sweet home,” he joked as he pulled his sweatshirt over his head, leaving him in just a t-shirt and sweatpants. He reached out to me and I gladly went to him, shivering madly with nerves and anticipation. This was really happening, and there was no going back now.

He pulled me against him again, resuming his kisses where he’d left off, this time sliding my sweatshirt up over my head before throwing it on the floor behind us. My first moment of insecurity kicked in and I felt shy and exposed, standing there in only my bra. I was a bit fleshier than I should have been, and I was sure he could see every little bump and imperfection in me. I shrank from him slightly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, concern clouding his beautiful face. “Mycki, are you all right?” He extended a hand to me and gave me a curious look when I didn’t take it right away.

“Just a little nervous, that’s all,” I said honestly, knowing that my blush spread beyond my face this time. I probably looked like a lobster standing in front of him, which didn’t make me relax at all.

“Nothing to be nervous about, baby,” he soothed, moving behind me and slipping his arms around me. His lips attacked my neck, gently this time, as his hands wandered across my stomach and down over my hips. “Trust me, okay?” he purred in my ear.

“I do,” I said, not exactly sure if it was true or not. Desire far outweighed trust in that moment, though, so I wasn’t going to tell him I didn’t trust him. I wanted to trust him, my body wanted me to trust him, so I just went with the flow.

Despite myself, my hands came up to cover my abdomen, almost pushing his hands away in the process. This was not going at all well now, and I tried not to panic.

“Don’t cover yourself, love,” he whispered, pulling my hands away. “Let me see you, please?”

He was so gentle, so sweet, that I couldn’t say no. I let him turn me in his arms, let him stare down at me as I closed my eyes and fought the blush that was threatening to spread again. He ran a finger down my jaw, tracing it slowly down the column of my throat, over my collar bone, and further downward, spreading goose bumps in his wake. I reached out and laid my hands on his chest, over his heart, and felt it beating faster than it should have been. He was carefully controlling his breathing, and was being extra gentle, but his heart gave him away. He was as excited as I was. He gave me a shy smile when I looked up into his eyes.

“C’mere,” he muttered, crushing me to him again, allowing me to bring his t-shirt up over his head and drop it to the ground as he had done with mine. It was his turn to be shy now as my fingers traced over his stomach. He stopped my progress and put my hand on his shoulder instead.

“Nick?” I questioned, not sure why he had moved me.

“Just a little self-conscious about that area,” he said, his own face turning a bright red this time. “Always have been.”

I thought back to all the thousands of pictures I’d seen of him over the years. He was rarely, if ever, photographed without a shirt, the way the other guys always seemed to be. The idea that he had insecurities just like I did made him even more irresistible. I leaned down and placed a gentle kiss right at the top of his stomach, then trailed kisses back up until I reached his mouth.

“You’re amazing,” I whispered against his lips, pressing my bare skin against his. “So beautiful.”

He didn’t say anything, just gathered me against him even tighter and began backing me toward the bed. My whole body felt like it was on fire, like I was going to explode. I reveled in the feel of his skin on mine, and when he reached behind me to the clasp on my bra, releasing it and sliding the straps down my arms, my knees almost buckled.

Nick sat on the bed and guided me down onto his lap so I was straddling him. I could feel him now, pushing on the inside of my thigh as I settled myself on him, still drinking in his kisses eagerly, my hands firmly entangled in his hair. He leaned back slightly to move my bra out from between us, then crushed me against his chest, sending jolts through me at the bare contact. My breathing became heavier, almost embarrassingly so, as his slid his hands over my bare arms, moving forward until he was cupping one breast in each hand.

“I need to taste you,” he whispered, kissing a line over my cheek, down my jaw, to my throat and lower. I threw my head back, clutching at his shoulders, to give him more access, and when his questing lips found my nipple the first time, I couldn’t suppress the whimper that escaped my lips. He was so tender, so gentle, and yet so passionate, all at the same time, I couldn’t get my head around it. I hugged him to me, marveling at the feelings he was causing to course through me.

Without losing contact with my nipple, he flipped me onto my back on the bed and came up over top of me. I wanted his weight on me, wanted to feel every inch of him, so I wrapped my arms around his back and pulled him down, forcing him to move back to my mouth. His knee slid between my legs, spreading them slightly, as he slipped his arms under my back to hold me tighter to him. I honestly thought I was dying, and that this was what Heaven was for me.

“Nick,” I gasped when he moved his hips distinctly between my legs, allowing me to feel his arousal as best I could through our mutual clothing. I wanted that clothing gone, wanted him in me, wanted nothing more in the world at that moment.

“Too many clothes,” he grunted, as though reading my mind. He sat up and stared down at me, a cocky little grin playing around the corners of his mouth. “We need to get rid of these.” He tugged at the legs of my pajama pants, causing them to slide down my legs. When they were on the floor, he reached up and did the same with my panties, adding them to the pile we’d created.

“Your turn,” I teased, sitting up and reaching for his pants. In one fluid motion he had his pants and his boxers on the floor and was coming back down on top of me. I didn’t even pause to look at him in all his naked glory, I just accepted him greedily. I kissed him furiously, like a madwoman, hands grasping at whatever skin I could feel, totally losing control.

“Mycki, wait,” he gasped as I tried to maneuver him so he could enter me. “We can take our time, baby, we don’t have to rush.” He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “We can make this last, we’ve got all night.” He smiled down at me and the tenderness in that smile made my heart ache. I suddenly felt very foolish for wanting to rush. He was right, the longer we made this last, the longer I got to be in his arms that night. I wouldn’t be so foolish again.

I looked away as an embarrassed grin spread over my face. He leaned down and kissed my neck slowly, lovingly. “I’m sorry, Nick,” I whispered, gliding my fingertips up his back and over his shoulders. “It’s been awhile, I guess.” That was beyond the truth. I hadn’t had a boyfriend in over a year, and hadn’t had sex in longer than that. It was probably the longest dry spell I’d ever had, and now, here I was, in the arms of one of the most beautiful men on the planet. Making myself slow down was damn near impossible, but I resolved that I would do it.

“I understand that feeling,” he chuckled against the underside of my jaw, his hand straying over my chest and stomach again, not in any hurry.

“I’m sure you do,” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes even as I arched up against the fingers that were teasing my belly button. “I’m sure you just have to go so long without sex, you feel like a fucking monk.”

He stopped kissing my neck to look down into my eyes, a strange expression in his blue ones. “Hard to believe, isn’t it?” he said, his voice loaded with emotion, but I couldn’t tell exactly which emotion it was. “But trust me, there’ve been a few dry spells for me, too, recently.”

I smirked, wanting to take the serious expression from his face. “Well then, let’s start a wet spell, shall we?” I teased, resting my fingers over his hand and sliding him downward, to where I most wanted him to be. When his fingertips gently nuzzled through my curls and found me, wet and waiting, I almost jumped off the bed. He knew exactly what to do, exactly how to move and stroke, to have me clinging to him almost instantly. I closed my eyes, letting the sensations wash over me. There was no way sex would ever be just sex again, not when I knew it could feel this amazing.

“Look at me, Myckaila,” Nick whispered, his face only an inch or two from mine. “Let me watch you.” He locked his gaze on mine and I let myself drown in those eyes, in their particular crystal blue colour, in their perfect shape as they crinkled with his smile. Even through the haze of pleasure he was creating in my body with his expert fingers, I could tell he was enjoying the expression on my face, enjoying watching my satisfaction at his hand. That just made him more amazing than I already thought he was.

“Nick, I’m getting there,” I panted after one particularly jolting shock of pleasure ripped through me. “Please, I need you in me, okay? Now?”

All too happy to oblige, he kissed me soundly, his tongue sweeping through my mouth as his fingers dipped inside me, testing, stretching, making sure he would fit. I appreciated his concern, but at that point, I was too far gone to even care. I just wanted him, and I wanted him now.

He moved up over me, never breaking our kiss, and took my hand, guiding it to his length. I closed my hand over him, giddy at the size of him, at how smooth and perfect he was. I moved my fingers over him a few times before I led him to me, preparing him for what we both wanted.

“Ready?” he breathed against my mouth, balancing himself on his arms, keeping his weight off me for a brief moment. I pulled my legs back and looked up into his eyes just as he began to slide forward, slowly, sensuously, giving me time to adjust to him. He had amazing control, only going an inch at a time, his eyes on my face.

I moaned his name as he reached his hilt and just stayed there for a minute, settling his weight down on top of me, curling his arms under me so he could smooth the hair off my forehead as he placed little kisses over my eyelids and down my cheeks.

“Nick, we’re not using anything,” I whispered, hating to be the voice of reason, but also knowing that I couldn’t just throw caution to the wind with a man who’d had so many previous partners. I was on the pill, but didn’t want to risk what else could come from our little tryst. I had to hang on to at least some sense of good judgment that night.

“Damn,” he hissed, bowing his head to the pillow over my left shoulder. “Hang on.” He gently moved away from me and went into the other room, returning with a condom packet in his hand. I loathed the idea of not feeling just his skin, but knew I couldn’t chance it.

He quickly sheathed himself and knelt back down between my knees. “I’m sorry,” I murmured as he came down to me again, curling his arms under me as he had before.

“Don’t be,” he whispered, kissing me briefly. “Better safe than sorry, right?”

I nodded, then reached down and guided him to me again. This time there was no hesitation, no slowing, just one long thrust and he was fully seated inside of me. I cried out at the sensation, the full feeling I’d been craving since our first kiss downstairs.

He set a gentle rhythm, rocking against me slowly, causing me to lock my legs around his back and arch my back up to meet every thrust. He seemed content just to go slowly, to prolong this, to kiss and caress and make it as sweet as he could.

“Myckaila, you’re beautiful,” he whispered against my ear after a little while, his tempo beginning to increase ever-so-slightly. “So beautiful.” His lips latched onto my neck and he began showering kisses over my skin.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this,” I said, before I could censor myself. I froze for a second, wondering how I’d explain that if he asked. I’d just met him today, I didn’t want him thinking I was a rabid fan who fantasized about what this would feel like. Only the second part of that statement was true. I’d thought about it more than once, I had to admit to myself.

He didn’t seem fazed by my comment, though. I felt a rumble roll through him as he laughed a bit, never slowing the pace of his hips. He’d probably heard that before, a million times, and he definitely knew that’s why he could have sex with pretty much any girl he wanted. We’d all thought about it, no question.

We didn’t say anything for a long time, just moved together, easily, naturally, as though we’d been moving together for years. I’d dreaded the awkwardness that can come from being with a partner who doesn’t know you, who hasn’t learned how to move with you yet, but there was none of that with Nick. He instinctively knew what to do to make my body sing. When his fingers slipped between us to find me, to add that little bit extra to my pleasure, I buried my hands in his hair and brought him to me for a rather aggressive kiss, just to show my appreciation. That appreciation intensified as my orgasm loomed, and he sped up his movements even more.

“Nick,” I gasped, arching my hips up to him, urging him to go faster as I felt myself begin to crest. He felt it too, and sped up a bit, making his thrusts longer, harder, and faster. His fingers quickened, too, and before long I was calling out his name as my release crashed over me, leaving me trembling and panting in his arms.

Only once I’d come down a bit did I realize he’d been watching my face the whole time. I blushed, but didn’t stop moving under him, as he evened out his pace again and placed a gentle kiss on the tip of my nose.

“You’re going to give a girl a complex,” I teased breathlessly as he grinned down at me.

“Don’t tell me you’re embarrassed by that,” he said lightly, brushing his fingers over my forehead and into my hair. “I think we’ve passed that now, don’t you?” He gave a pointed glance downward to where our bodies were still fully joined, still moving in perfect unison.

“I’m just not used to it, that’s all,” I said, tugging on his shoulders so he covered me fully again, and tilting my hips up so he could go deeper inside me. “When do I get to return the favour?”

“Whenever you’re ready to, love,” he said softly, his breath warm against the side of my face.

I shoved him up off of me and sat up, then pushed him down on his back and straddled his hips. I guided him slowly back into me and began a steady rhythm again, faster and a bit more aggressive than he’d set before. His eyes rolled back in his head and he grabbed my hips in his hands, working me on him. I braced my hands on his chest and leaned down to kiss him, never slowing my movements. He was so amazing laying there, his hair in disarray, his face smooth and relaxed, his stunning blue eyes sparkling up at me. I never wanted to forget what he looked like in that moment, never wanted to let go of how he was making me feel.

After awhile I felt him begin to twitch inside me, so I leaned down on his chest and locked my lips against his. His hips began to thrust up more frantically, and his hands became more demanding.

“You feel so amazing,” he growled into my mouth, sitting up to wrap me in his arms, still moving madly under me. “I’m close, Mycki, really close.”

“I want to look into your eyes, the way you did into mine,” I whispered, moving my face back a bit so I could see him. He held me securely against his chest as he rocked faster and faster against me, and I felt my own peak rising again. I desperately wanted to reach that peak with him, to feel myself let go just as he did.

He tensed a bit beneath me and thrust his hips up extra hard one final time, calling out my name as he did so. Feeling him tense like that sent me right over the edge and I joined him, my eyes never leaving his as ragged breaths tore from my lips. A pained expression clouded his eyes briefly, so briefly I wasn’t even sure I’d seen it, then he was kissing me again, eagerly yet tenderly, laying me gently on my back again.

I tried to settle in, to go to sleep, but I was beyond restless. Who the hell did he think he was? How cheap would I have to be to go with him a second time, to respond to his audacious request? There was nothing personal about that note, just a room number. No, ‘I’d like to see you,’ no ‘how’ve you been?’, no nothing, just that damned number.

That damned room number that was just two floors above mine. Son of a bitch.

I rolled over for the hundredth time as I thought about how close he actually was to me. I could very easily go up there, couldn’t I? No, absolutely not. There was no way I was giving in to that thought. Besides, he probably wasn’t even alone anymore, having had dozens of options open to him in the hotel lobby when I’d returned. I was willing to bet that this man never went to bed alone. Tonight would be no different.

To my surprise, that idea bothered me more than anything. Of course he’d go and find someone else to have sex with, but why did I give a shit? He’d used me once, had a good time, and thrown me away. It wasn’t like he cared or anything. He just saw an opportunity for another shot at me, and he took it. Typical fucking guy. Right?

But why me? He’d already had his fun with me, why did he want more? I wasn’t that good in bed, for heaven’s sake. Why did he want to be with me again? And why did he chase me from the hotel? What the fuck kind of game was he playing? And why was I even worrying about it?

Frustrated beyond words now, I threw back the bed covers and jumped out of bed. I had too much nervous energy to just lay there, and I knew sleep just wasn’t going to happen. I needed a walk, just a quick one, to clear my head. Maybe I’d head downstairs to the gym, see if it was open 24 hours, burn off some energy on a treadmill or something. Anything to get out of this room and away from my own bad dreams.

I tiptoed out of the room, careful not to wake Cammi, and closed the door behind me. I padded quietly to the end of the hall, to the elevator, and pushed the button. As I waited, I couldn’t stand still. I couldn’t believe the effect this one person was having on me, and I wasn’t liking it much at all.

Finally the elevator doors opened and I hurried inside.

“Mycki?”

Oh for fuck sakes. I rolled my eyes heavenward and turned to face him. How the hell did he end up in this particular elevator at two-thirty in the morning? What were the odds?

“I’ll take the stairs,” I said quickly, grabbing the door to stop it from closing. His hand on my arm made me pause. There was that damned electricity again.

“Please don’t,” he said, his touch becoming a gentle caress on my arm. I jerked away from him, still unable to look up at his eyes. Those eyes got me every time.

“What are you doing wandering around by yourself at this time of night?” I asked, watching warily as the elevator doors sealed my fate and forced me to be alone with him for at least a few seconds. “Shouldn’t you have some big burly guy with you, making sure you don’t get mobbed?”

“This is the only time I get to actually be by myself,” he said, shrugging as he leaned against the back wall of the elevator. “I like to walk the hotel corridors after everyone’s asleep, clear my head a bit before I go to bed.” He studied me closely. “What’s your excuse?”

“Someone pissed me off, so I couldn’t sleep,” I said honestly, not caring about sparing his feelings. He certainly hadn’t given a shit about mine the year before.

“I didn’t mean to piss you off,” he said, keeping his voice low. That tone was not going to pull me in again. I steeled myself against it.

“How did you expect me to react?” I snapped, rounding on him, finally looking up into his face. He was shocked. “Did you expect I’d just take my pants off and let you do your thing again? Once a slut, always a slut, is that it?”

“You’re not a slut, Mycki,” he said quietly, reaching out a hand to me. I moved back.

“Then why did you treat me like I was?”

There, I’d said it, I’d wanted to say it a million times over the past year, and I finally had the chance to get it out.

He didn’t say anything for a second, clearly stunned. I hadn’t meant the words to come out with so much emotion behind them, but they’d been loaded nonetheless. Great, the last thing I wanted was for him to feel sorry for me.

“Is that what you think?” he said finally, as though he were choosing each word carefully. “You think I treated you like a slut?”

“Nick, you fucked me once, and then all but kicked me out of your room,” I said, the memory stinging as it came flooding back. “What the hell did you think I was going to feel like? I was half expecting money on the nightstand, that’s how poorly it was handled.”

He closed his eyes for a second, as though he were collecting his thoughts, but his stance didn’t change. He was still casual, still leaning against the wall of the elevator, still looking like he just didn’t give a damn. I wanted to scream.

“That was never my intention,” he whispered gently, his eyes searching my face, wanting me to believe him. “I thought you knew going in what it was all about. I can’t offer anything else, so I assumed you were okay with that when you agreed to sleep with me.”

“So it’s my fault?” I was two seconds away from letting my anger loose and physically flying at him. I had to take a few deep breaths to get myself to calm down. This wasn’t going at all well.

“That’s not what I said,” he said slowly. “I just didn’t think you’d take it as more than it was. If I’d known you would feel like this, it wouldn’t have happened.”

“Not to me, anyway,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. “You would have picked some other stupid girl and done the same thing to her. You’re a jerk, plain and simple, and you think you can just have sex and not care about your partner, that that type of shit is okay. You’re beyond selfish, and you don’t care who you hurt, do you? You make me sick.”

My chest was heaving, my body was shaking, and I was pretty sure I was sweating buckets, but I’d had my say. I turned my back on him, not even wanting to look at him anymore. At that point in time, I wouldn’t have cared if Nick Carter disappeared off the face of the earth.

“Myckaila,” he said softly, and I felt his large hand on my shoulder. He did remember after all. Shit. I didn’t want to give in to the sound of my name on his lips, to the way he said it, but I couldn’t make myself shove him away again. The elevator suddenly felt very small, and I felt like I was running out of air. Why the hell wasn’t the damned thing opening? Come to think of it, why weren’t we moving? We should have reached the ground floor long ago. I looked down at the panel on the wall. Sure enough, idiot that I am, I forgot to press the damned button.

“Nick, don’t touch me,” I said as calmly as I could. “I never want you to touch me again. I don’t even want you to let on that you know me, okay? You seem to be good at that.”

“Myckaila, I’m sorry,” he muttered, and this time he was so close I felt his warm breath on the back of my neck. I could feel the heat coming off of him, which told me he was way too close. But I had nowhere to go. I couldn’t make my feet move.

“Don’t call me that,” I said, closing my eyes to regain some sense of composure. “You’re not proving anything by remembering my full name. Just leave me alone, okay?”

“I want to fix this,” he said, one hand going to my arm. Heat spread through me at his touch, despite myself. My breathing sped up.

“You can’t,” I said. “And even if you do, what difference does it make? You’d just use me again tonight and then leave tomorrow, barely remembering my name again. Why the hell would I agree to that?”

“Did you ask yourself why I picked you out of the crowd tonight?” he said, for the first time sounding a bit pissed off himself. “In case you didn’t notice, I wasn’t exactly low on options.”

“I don’t know how your mind works, Nick,” I said, though now he had me interested. It wasn’t like I hadn’t asked myself the same question a hundred times since he’d sent me the note.

The elevator dinged suddenly and the door opened, startling both of us. An elderly couple, looking exhausted, piled in and pressed a button for their floor. I used their entrance as an excuse to escape. Of course, Nick followed me.

“Don’t just walk away, Mycki,” he called as I hurried down the hallway. We were still on my floor, but I didn’t dare go near my room. I didn’t want him there, I didn’t want Cammi to wake up and see him, I didn’t want any part of it. I headed for the stairs at the end of the hallway.

No sooner did I open the door to the stairwell and go through it, than it closed quickly behind me and I found myself pressed against the back of the door, a very warm body holding me there.

“Nick, get the fuck off of me,” I spat, shoving at his shoulders, albeit ineffectually.

“Not until you listen to me,” he said, one hand on either side of my head, his full torso shoved against mine. My heart started to race as I smelled him, felt his warmth, and, against my own better judgment, responded.

“Make it quick,” I said, realizing I wouldn’t get away from him if I didn’t let him have his say. And I needed to get away from him as quickly as possible.

“I recognized you in the crowd tonight,” he started, not moving, his face an inch from mine. “You know I did. You saw me smile at you, and you moved away. You wouldn’t look at me the rest of the night. I was hoping you were playing hard to get, and the truth is, I’d already picked another girl out of the audience to ask back to the hotel tonight. But for some reason, and I don’t even get it myself, I kept seeking you out, watching your reactions, hoping you’d smile at me or something, let me know that you got it, that I wanted you.” He took a deep breath. “I don’t normally just kick women out of my room after we’re finished, Mycki, and I’m sorry that I did that to you. You’re going to think I’m a complete asshole here, but I’m telling you the truth. I kicked you out because I felt more than I wanted to when all was said and done. I don’t need that type of complication in my life, and I knew I had to stop it before it started.”

I looked up into his eyes, wondering if I should believe him or not. Part of me wanted to, part of me wanted to give in, but the sensible part of me, the part that hadn’t gotten over being used like that, told me to laugh in his face. I had to really think back to the year before, to figure out if he was telling me the truth.

After what felt like an eternity, they emerged, bundled up against the cold, big grins on their faces. They’d had a few days off to recover from the first few shows of their tour, and now they were brimming with energy again, and ready to greet the fans.

Nick was the last to get to us that day, taking his time as he moved down the line of girls, laughing and joking with everyone, giving hugs and taking pictures, the usual stuff. My stomach knotted nervously as he came toward us. He was beautiful, no doubt, even in his white ski cap and heavy down jacket. The cold seemed to make his blue eyes that much clearer, and his smile that much wider. My heart raced, waiting for him to get to us.

We were at the end of the line, so he had a chance to linger a bit. My friends got their pictures with him, and he signed their shirts and programs, but when he got to me, I wasn’t sure what to say. I felt really stupid for standing there for hours, waiting for him, and now not having a single thought in my head beyond how amazing he was to look at. I suddenly felt really, really shallow.

“What’s your name?” he asked, taking the program from my hand and signing it quickly. His hand hovered over it, waiting for my response.

“Uh, Myckaila,” I stuttered, knowing he wouldn’t spell it right. No one ever did.

“That’s pretty,” he said as he scrawled something over my program. He handed it back and reached for the camera that was hanging limply in my other hand. “Should we use this?” he teased. His warm fingers brushed my cold ones as he took the camera from me, and I felt my body lurch in response.

“Lean in close now,” he instructed, putting his arm around me and pulling me toward him. I jumped a bit when I felt his cheek against mine, but thank goodness I remembered to smile as the flash went off. The fact that he was touching me, had one arm around me, and his face against mine, was making it hard to form a coherent thought.

“It’s a good one,” he said, handing the camera back to me. “Thanks for coming out today!” He gave me a brief wave and a wink, and headed toward the venue, rubbing his hands together against the cold.

“That was smooth, Myck,” my friend Jillian chided me as we moved away from the fence, in search of warmth and, hopefully, coffee. “I’m surprised you remembered your own name.”

I blushed, which was probably a good thing, as it brought a rush of heat to my face. “I wasn’t expecting him to be that close, or that friendly. He just caught me off-guard.”

“See, I told you you’d enjoy it if you came with us,” Meegan teased, nudging my arm. “That was awesome!” She pulled out her camera and began scanning back through the pictures she’d just taken. Of the three of us, Meegan was probably the biggest Backstreet Boys fan, but we’d all loved them since we were kids.

After we’d had a chance to warm up and get some hot liquid into us, we went back to the venue to line up for the show. Somehow Meegan had managed to score us front row seats, so we were beyond pumped about that. I just hoped I’d be a little more cool when faced with Nick a second time. I don’t think my pride or my ego could handle it if I ended up a bumbling idiot again. Thank goodness there was the distraction of the show itself to keep me from concentrating on him too much. Sad, the whole situation was just very sad.

“These seats are fantastic,” Jill commented as we sat down, right at the front of the stage, almost dead-centre. “Who’d you fuck for these babies?”

Meegan laughed. “No one, but I did fuck over my bank account for them.” She laughed and glanced at the stage. “Scalpers aren’t cheap, you know. But it was so worth it.”

Jill and I had offered to pay for our own tickets, but Meegan wouldn’t have it, so neither of us even knew what the seats had cost her. She was always doing things like that for us, and while we loved her for it, it was a little hard to take that much generosity sometimes.

We chatted quietly, took some pictures together, and made quick trips to the bathroom as we waited for the show to start. I don’t even remember who the opening act was, some chick who played the piano, but I didn’t catch her name. I wanted to see the group, to see Nick, to try to be cool this time. I knew from hearing stories that he interacted heavily with the first couple of rows, so I hoped I could handle it.

When the first raging beats of the first song filtered through the arena, the screams were deafening. Jill, Meegan, and I jumped to our feet immediately, going right up against the barrier in front of us, as close to the stage as we could possibly get. This was it, this was the show we’d been waiting weeks for. And after having met the Boys in the parking lot that day, we were even more excited.

I let myself get lost in the music, in the lights, in the adrenaline that pumped through me. These guys were good, they were downright fantastic, and their charisma was unmatched. We danced like morons, throwing our hands in the air, reaching out to the guys when they came near us, just generally being unruly, and loving every minute of it.

At one point, Nick and AJ jumped down off the stage and came toward us, behind the barrier, teasing the crowd about kisses and hugs for all the single ladies. I thought I would pass out right there. AJ grabbed a girl a few seats down from me and planted a big kiss right on her lips. The girl was so happy, she cried. We screamed and clapped for her, ecstatic that she’d received such a treat.

Nick hadn’t chosen his victim yet, and I tensed as he moved ever closer to where we were standing. My heart sped up, my palms grew sweaty, and I felt like I was rooted to where I stood. When he looked up and caught my eye, I had to fight to stay on my feet.

He smiled, a smile of recognition, and suddenly his intention was clear. It was going to be me he chose, I would be the one he kissed. I didn’t have long to prepare myself before he was right in front of me, reaching out to me over the barrier.

Everything went in slow motion then, and the noise around me fell away. He slipped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me close, hugging me as best he could against the barrier. I had the presence of mind to hug him back, thank God. He was sweaty and didn’t smell all that great, but I didn’t care. He had me in his arms and was squeezing me tightly.

He pulled back from me after a brief second and grinned down at me. “What was I saying about kisses?” he teased, then leaned down swiftly and pressed his soft, sweaty lips against mine. Electricity shot through me, through every inch of my body, and I forgot to breathe. It was just the briefest peck, but it could have been full-out sex for the way my body responded. I hadn’t expected him to kiss me on the lips, hadn’t been at all prepared for it, so I wasn’t sure exactly what I was going to do with it.

By the time I came back to my senses, he’d moved away and was back on the stage, gyrating his hips, pretty much right in front of me. Meegan and Jill were hugging me and squealing, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t react. I stared up at him, knowing damn well that he was looking right at me, and a slow smile spread over my face.

It was in that very moment that I realized how much I wanted him.