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The memories were not what I needed at that point, and I shook them away. What I remembered more than anything was the tender look in his eyes, the gentle way his hands caressed me, how tightly he held me. That is, before he so abruptly changed.

“There are still complications, Nick,” I said, shaking myself out of my daze. “And I don’t buy your crap. You met me twice, and the second time you slept with me. There wasn’t time to feel anything other than the massive orgasms we both had.” I took a deep breath. “We need to leave it at that, okay?”

He closed his eyes for a brief second, and an expression crossed his face that I didn’t understand. I took that opportunity to shove him back from me enough that I could wiggle free. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get back through the door with him standing where he was, so I opted to go up the stairs. I figured I could get away from him more easily on another floor.

I ran up a few flights of stairs then snuck through one of the doors. I hoped he wouldn’t find me, hadn’t been able to keep up, if he decided to follow at all, that is. I needed to be alone to process what he’d said, to even begin to deal with it. And I certainly couldn’t do that with him standing right in front of me.

I wandered the hallways for awhile, careful to avoid going back to my room, just in case. Every time I heard footsteps, I jumped, figuring it would be Nick, that he’d sought me out somehow, as ridiculous as I knew that was. He’d probably gone back to his own room to get some sleep. I knew I should be doing the same thing, but I didn’t want to just yet.

The longer I wandered, the harder it became to get Nick’s face out of my mind. He’d looked so sincere when he’d been telling me those things, but there was no logical way he could have felt the way he did. It didn’t make sense to me at all.

But I also couldn’t explain my own reaction to him, either. Of course I’d known going in that it would be a one-night thing. Why did it affect me the way it had? He’d been everything I’d dreamed he would be, but that didn’t explain my expectations afterwards. Was I just reacting to the hurt I’d felt at the time, figuring it meant more than it did? Were those crushing feelings of sadness just me realizing I’d essentially lost the fantasy when the reality lived up to it? I was letting go of something I’d held on to since puberty, pretty much, and I’d actually made it real, I’d felt it, I’d experienced every thrill and rush, and now there was no mystery left, there was no wondering. Was that what I was really sad about?

The tears that slid down my face went unnoticed until I felt one slip over my chin. I felt like a fool, crying over this for the thousandth time, letting him have this affect on me yet again, but what could I do? I hadn’t expected to be face-to-face with him again, to have him opening old wounds by trying to explain himself to me, so naturally I’d get upset. Right?

The whole mess was starting to make my head hurt, so I wiped the back of my hand over my eyes to clear the damned tears, and headed back to my room. I hoped like hell Cammi hadn’t woken up while I’d been gone.

I got to my room and went to unlock the door, but I couldn’t find the keycard. Then I remembered, I’d left it on the counter in the bathroom, beside my wallet and car keys. I’d have to go down to the lobby to get someone to let me in. Of course the tear stains all over my face would make that situation even more humiliating than it already was.

Resigning myself to my fate, I took the elevator to the ground floor. As I made my way across the lobby, I tried to keep my head down, to avoid being noticed. There were still quite a few people lingering around, and my face was a mess.

I got up to the desk and waited for the attendant to look up from the conversation he was having with a darker skinned man a few feet away. It took me a minute to realize this was the guy who’d handed me Nick’s note at the concert. I turned away quickly, before he could see me.

I stood there for a few minutes, my face turned away, until the attendant finally came over to me. He gave me a kindly smile, deepening the laugh lines in his skin.

“I locked myself out of my room,” I said quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear. “My niece is sleeping, and I need to get back to her. Can someone let me in, please?”

“What room are you in, ma’am?” the attendant asked, looking at me with a slightly suspicious eye. Noting all of the girls standing around in the lobby, I wasn’t surprised.

“315,” I said, feeling my face heat up. “Myckaila Jordan, booked under Tania Johnson.” I held my breath as he typed it in the computer.

“Do you have any identification, ma’am?” he asked, keeping his voice down, too. “It’s company policy to see ID before we let people into any of our rooms.”

“It’s all in my room,” I said, feeling my stomach sink. “I can show someone as soon as they let me in.” I knew that wouldn’t be good enough.

“The only thing I can suggest is waking up your niece,” the man said, stepping away from the computer and starting to busy himself with papers that were sitting on the edge of the desk. “Other than that, I’m sorry, I can’t really help you.”

My face burned with embarrassment as I realized he was telling me I couldn’t get back into my own room. I knew the only thing I could do was go back upstairs and bang on the door, hoping Cammi wasn’t too far gone to wake up and let me in. I hated waking the poor kid, knowing how much she needed the rest, but I didn’t see any hope for it.

“Thank-you,” I muttered, and headed back to the elevator.

When I reached my room, I hesitated a second, then raised my fist and banged on the door. I knew the people in the neighbouring rooms wouldn’t appreciate me making so much noise in the middle of the night, but I had no choice. I waited a minute, then banged again, louder this time. There was no response.

“Damnit,” I hissed, slamming my hand against the door one final time.

“Having a problem, Mycki?” Nick’s voice hit me like a ton of bricks. He was the very last person I wanted to see at that moment. I took a second to compose myself, then turned to him.

“I left my keycard in my room and the desk clerk won’t let me back in without ID,” I said, casting a withering glance at the door. “Unfortunately, my ID is in my room.”

“And you think it’s going to answer if you bang on the door?” he teased, a small smirk playing around the corners of his mouth. He was only a few feet away, almost like he didn’t want to get too close to me. I appreciated the space.

“My niece is sleeping in there,” I said, almost rudely. “I was hoping to wake her up so she’ll let me in. But she sleeps like the dead because of her – uh, because she’s a teenager, so I doubt I’ll be getting in tonight.” I’d had to catch myself before I blurted out Cammi’s little secret. He didn’t need to know that.

“What are you going to do?” he asked, folding his arms over his chest, his bare arms, might I add. He’d lost the sweatshirt and was standing in front of me in a black tank top and sweatpants. I fought not to stare.

“Wait it out, I guess,” I sighed, not relishing the idea of sitting in the hallway for God knows how long while Cammi slept. I shrugged, trying to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. “I don’t really have any other options, do I?” I sat heavily, with my back against the door. The carpet was soft, I’d have that much at least.

Nick came and sat beside me, not touching me, but almost. He leaned his head back against the door and looked over at me. “So we wait,” he sighed, stretching his long legs out in front of him.

“Um, ‘we?’” I said shortly. “There was no ‘we’ in my answer, Nick.”

“In a couple of hours, when your ass is ready to fall off and your body’s screaming at you from sitting on the floor, you’ll be glad for the company, Mycki,” he said, matter-of-factly. “Not that I relish the idea of sitting here for the rest of the night, but I’ll survive.”

“Go back to your own room, then,” I said firmly, my stomach lurching at the idea that he wanted to stay with me. I wasn’t used to that from him. “I don’t need company.”

It was his turn to shrug. “You will,” he said, that cocky tone in his voice. I knew he was right, I’d cave at some point and be glad he cared enough to stay. If I could call that caring.

“You’re not getting into my pants tonight,” I snapped, probably a little more harshly than necessary. I threw a sideways glance at him over my shoulder.

“Never said I was, did I?” he said, adjusting a bit against the hard door. “In case you didn’t notice, we’re sitting in a public hallway. I’m not that kinky.”

I resisted looking at his face, at the smug grin I knew would be there. I fought the urge to smile. Damn him.

We sat in silence for awhile, every once in awhile fidgeting to get more comfortable. There was a heavy tension hanging between us, and I couldn’t tell anymore if it was angry or sexual. I prayed it was the former. I couldn’t deal with sexual tension right then.

Nick started to get more and more jumpy as time went on. He couldn’t sit still, but that was normal. He’d always been restless every time I’d seen him onstage or in interviews. The man had a hard time sitting still, he had too much energy.

“Are you sure you don’t just want to go back to your room?” I asked when he’d re-crossed his ankles for the fifth time in as many minutes. “I’m good by myself.”

“I said I’d stay, so here I am,” he said, but there was nothing harsh in his voice. I threw him a sideways glance and knew that he was as uncomfortable as I was, but he wasn’t complaining. I started to feel bad.

“Do you want to go down to the lobby and sit for awhile?” I suggested, letting my guilt get the better of me. “There were some comfy-looking chairs scattered around, I’m sure we’d be better off there than we are here.” I resigned myself to the fact that I wasn’t getting rid of him. He just wouldn’t go.

“There are probably fans lingering down there, too,” he pointed out, giving me a wary look. I studied his face for a second and my guilt increased when I saw how tired he looked. He needed sleep more than I did, given the performance he’d put on earlier in the night. Stupid jerk was just plain stubborn.

“You’ve done your duty, you sat with me for a couple of hours, why don’t you just go back to your room and get some rest?” I said, moving so I was sitting on my knees, facing him. He was starting to piss me off again with his lack of common sense.

“I’ll make you a deal,” he said, sitting forward and crossing his legs under him. “I’ll go to my room and get some rest on one condition.” He paused and looked right into my eyes, startling me somewhat. His eyes were still way too blue for his own good.

“And that would be?” I prompted, more to stop myself from doing something stupid than because I actually wanted to know. I had a nagging suspicion I already knew what he was going to say.

“You come with me.”

Yup, there it was. “What did I tell you already?” I snapped, leaning back on my heels.

“No one said anything about sex,” he pointed out. “But if I’m going to sleep, you should, too. There’s a couch in my room, I’ll take that, you take the bed. Totally innocent.”

Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the fact that I couldn’t feel the right side of my ass, but his offer was actually tempting.

“Totally innocent?” I repeated, raising one eyebrow at him. “Promise?”

He made an ‘x’ over his heart with his finger. “Promise,” he said, then stood up and extended his hand to me.

I took his hand reluctantly and rose as well, stretching out my aching muscles. His hand was warm in mine, and felt unbelievably nice, but I pulled away when he gave my fingers a gentle squeeze.

“Lead the way,” I said, gesturing for him to go. He shrugged and headed to the elevator.

The sense of déjà vu I felt when I stepped off the elevator and followed him down the hallway was hard to ignore. The guy who’d given me the note was just coming out of one of the rooms, and he rose an eyebrow at me, then smiled, well, leered, really. I knew what was going through his mind, and I wanted to tell him off, but I just didn’t have the energy. I kept my eyes straight ahead and followed Nick.

“The sheets are fresh,” Nick said as we entered his room. He flipped on a light switch, then went and grabbed a couple of pillows off the bed. “You don’t mind if I take these, do you?” he asked, turning to me.

I shook my head, noticing there were still four pillows on the massive bed. I didn’t comment, though, just stood by the door awkwardly. I wasn’t sure what to do.

“I’ll call down and get some extra blankets,” Nick said, seemingly oblivious to my discomfort. “There aren’t enough to keep both of us warm.”

He moved around the large room, completely at ease, while I stood rooted to the spot, feeling like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. Being alone in a hotel room with him was bringing back too many memories. And not all of them were good.