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I hate hotel alarm clocks. They always sound like nails on a chalkboard, and they rarely go off when you want them to. If AJ hadn’t come knocking on my door, I’d probably have stayed in bed all day.

Especially considering the warm body that was curled up against me when I opened my eyes.

Mycki.

She was still there.

I’d actually gone to sleep with the idea that she’d bolt as soon as I shut my eyes, but, oddly enough, here she was, her hair spread out over my chest as she used my arm for a pillow. Her back was to me, her hips pressed against my side, her ass resting on the top of my thigh. She actually fit against me really well, but that wasn’t something I wanted to think about so I ignored it.

I hated to move, to wake her up, not sure if she’d freak out on me, or what I’d be facing. Waking up next to someone you don’t even know is downright fucking awkward, which is why I avoid doing it when I can. Some people are just plain scary in the morning, myself included.

As much as I wanted to stay right where I was, I dragged my ass out of bed to stop AJ from busting down my door.

“Dude, cool it,” I hissed as I opened the door, wiping gunk from my eyes. “I’m up, you don’t need to come through the friggin’ door.”

“Just making sure,” he said, shrugging as he pushed his way into my room. He had entirely too much energy for six in the morning.

“Keep your voice down, J,” I said, looking over at Mycki, who was now curled around my pillow. I couldn’t stop the smile that tugged at the corners of my mouth.

“Who the hell is that?” he asked, giving me a weird look. I’d never hear the end of this.

“A friend,” I said, grabbing his shoulders and shoving him into the sitting area of the suite. I closed the door behind us. “Don’t give me a hard time, okay? I barely fucking slept last night.”

“I wonder why,” he said, a dirty look on his face. “I’m just surprised you let her stay, that’s all. Not your usual style.”

“I didn’t have sex with her,” I said, going to the coffee maker by the TV. “She got locked out of her room, so I let her stay here so she could sleep. Nothing major.”

“Where did she even come from?” AJ asked, tossing me a coffee cup.

“Long story, Bone, believe me,” I said, shaking my head as the coffee began to brew. I took a deep breath, trying to wake the hell up.

“Well, don’t be too long getting rid of her,” AJ said, sitting backwards on a chair at the small table in the corner. “We have to get on the buses soon. We were late to the sound check yesterday, can’t do it again.”

I didn’t say anything as the coffee finished brewing. I poured us both a cup, handed him his, then poured one for Mycki. I didn’t even know what she took in her fucking coffee, and yet I’d slept with her. That really made sense. I shook my head as I went back into the bedroom, leaving AJ behind. I closed the door firmly.

The noise must have woken her, because she sat up slowly, shoving her hair out of her face. She didn’t look bad in the morning. I was actually surprised.

“Good morning,” I said, handing her the coffee. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted in this, but I can get whatever you need.”

She accepted the cup and took a sip, her eyes closing and a low sigh escaping her lips.

“Black’s good, thanks,” she said, pulling the blanket up to her waist and crossing her legs beneath it. She wouldn’t look at me, and I felt like a giant ass just standing there, so I sat on the edge of the bed.

“I have to get out of here soon,” I said, then realized what it probably sounded like to her. Smooth, Carter, real smooth. The last thing I wanted was for her to think I was kicking her out. Again.

“I won’t keep you, then,” she said, setting the coffee cup down on the nightstand and throwing back the covers. I could see the disgust on her face.

“That’s not what I meant,” I said, grabbing her arm before she could make it to the door. “I just meant that’s why I woke you up.” Shit, that didn’t sound right either. “I’m going to stop trying now, okay?” I let go of her arm and walked away, shoving my hands through my hair. Why did I always say the wrong things?

“I got it, Nick,” she said bitterly. “I’ll be gone as soon as I use the bathroom. Or would you rather I do that in my own room?”

She was hurt, I could tell by the look on her face. I tried to understand it from her point of view. She’d offered me sex again, I’d turned her down, and now she felt like I was kicking her out. Again. I was fucking this up royally.

“I know you’re still pissed at me,” I said, figuring being direct was my best option. Maybe I could reason with her. “And I know that last night didn’t help, but I really think that if we’d had sex again, you’d hate me even more now than you already do.”

“Is that what you think?” she sneered, finally looking at my face. “Because what I’m thinking is that you’ve already had me once, so now you don’t want me anymore. I get it, probably better than you do.”

“That has nothing to do with it,” I said, shaking my head. I reached out to touch her arm, but she jumped back. “Think about it, Mycki. How would you feel this morning if we’d had sex last night?”

“Like I’d had a good time,” she answered quickly, almost defensively. She thought for a few seconds. “I’d probably feel like I’d gotten even,” she spat, her glare never wavering from my face.

“Even?” I wasn’t expecting that, and I’m sure the dumbass expression on my face gave that away.

“Yeah, even,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “You used me last time, why shouldn’t I be able to use you this time? Why should you call the shots?”

“Last time I checked, the sex was mutual,” I said slowly. I was getting a bit tired of her making me feel like shit for something I’d already apologized for a hundred times.

“The sex was,” she agreed coldly. “But you kicking me out afterwards was not. The sad part is, though, that you made me feel cheaper last night than you did the first time.”

“How the hell did I do that?” I asked, feeling completely lost. I’d thought by saying no to sex, I could avoid making her feel cheap afterwards. I sighed. I’ll never understand women, no matter how hard I try.

“When a woman offers herself to you, you don’t just say no,” she said, her hands on her hips. “I made myself vulnerable, and you basically crapped all over that. And you wonder why I hate you? Get a fucking clue.”

“What the fuck do you want from me?” I asked, feeling like a broken fucking record. “I only did what I thought was best, but apparently I’m a complete fucking idiot, and I got it wrong. I can’t keep up with you, so why don’t you just tell me how to make this shit better?” I was starting to get pissed off. She wasn’t the only one who could get angry.

“You can’t make it better,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t know what I expected when I slept with you, but it wasn’t this. Part of me wishes you would just go away and forget anything ever happened between us.”

“And the other part?” I studied her face closely as she hesitated.

“The other part is asking why I’m resisting you,” she admitted finally, her face turning bright red. She looked both surprised and ashamed all at the same time. I went to her and rested my hands on her shoulders.

“What’s the answer to that?” I asked, trying to stay perfectly still and not throw her on the bed right that second. But she looked so lost, so confused, that against my better judgment, I felt sorry for her.

“I honestly don’t know,” she said, looking up at my face. I could see the tears in her eyes, and I really hoped she wouldn’t cry. I can’t handle it when women cry, it makes me all sorts of uncomfortable. “You’re like night and day, Nick,” she continued, putting her hands on my forearms. “Last year you were amazing, right up until the end, you know? And now you’re here, you’re being amazing again, but I still can’t get past what happened. I’m finding it very hard to believe the things you’re saying, to trust you, and I think that’s why I’m hesitating.” She sighed and looked away. “I should really get back to my room, in case Cammi’s awake.” She pulled my hands off her shoulders.

“So that’s it?” I asked as she turned away from me and started throwing on her shoes. “You’re just going to walk away?”

“I don’t have any other choice if I want to hang on to the last shred of my dignity,” she said sadly. “Whether I believe you or not won’t change what happened, and it won’t erase what I’ve felt over the past year.” One tear slid down her face. “I’m sorry, I just can’t do this.”

Damn that tear. I wanted to squirm away from her, to do anything to forget that she was starting to cry. I felt like a jerk, standing there while she was so obviously having a hard time, so I went to her and held out my arms to her, not forcing her to come to me, but giving her the choice.

She looked at my arms, then my face, and collapsed against me. She started to cry harder as I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. I rested my cheek on the top of her head and whispered stupid shit to her as she soaked my chest. She cried until she was trembling, her whole body shaking, her sobs sounding more and more raw as she went. I rubbed her back and kissed her head, not sure what else to do. Like I said, I’m uncomfortable with crying women, but with Mycki, I just wanted to make sure she was okay. I knew I was the reason for this, so I stuck it out to make her feel better.

After a short time she stopped crying, but she didn’t move away from me. “I’m sorry,” she murmured against my chest. “I feel like such an asshole for this.”

I grinned and kissed the top of her head. “You’re not an asshole,” I assured her, not sure what else to say. I wanted to think that some wall had come down between us, that she would start to trust me, but I knew that was a stupid fucking idea. This girl was far more complicated than any I’d dealt with in a long time, so it definitely couldn’t be that easy.

She sniffled, which normally would have grossed me out, but for some reason didn’t. Not moving away from me, she reached up to wipe the tears off her face. “Attractive, huh?” she joked, rolling her eyes. “I’m such a mess.”

I wanted to tell her she was beautiful, but it didn’t seem like the right thing to say, so I stayed quiet.

“I really should go,” she said, trying to step back from me. I tightened my hold on her, not ready for her to walk away. I liked the feel of her against me, how warm she was, how soft.

“I don’t want you to,” I said before I could even think about it. “I didn’t want you to the first time, and I don’t now.” I knew I’d opened myself up to her anger and scorn again, but apparently my brain doesn’t want to censor the shit that comes out of my mouth when she’s around.

“You have to leave soon,” she reminded me, tilting her head to one side so her dark hair spilled over her shoulder. I wanted to bury my face in that hair, but I didn’t dare. “And I have to get back to my niece.”

There was no getting around what she’d said. She was right, I had a job to do, she had other responsibilities, she had to go. But at least this time I wasn’t the one throwing her out or making her feel unwanted.

“And after you leave?” I asked, letting my hands slip down to the small of her back and pressing her lightly against me. Of course my body jumped at the feel of her, but I tried to be a gentleman and ignore it.

“I don’t know, Nick,” she sighed, moving slightly under my hands. I could feel myself starting to get hard, and I knew she could feel it, too. She exhaled slowly and closed her eyes, her hands tightening on my arms.

I didn’t hesitate, I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers, somewhat aggressively, I’ll admit. She whimpered and parted her lips for me, so I swept my tongue into her mouth. I held her face between my hands, kissing her again and again, each time a little harder than the last, until she was panting and clutching at me.

“There’s definitely no time for that,” she whispered when I pulled away to let her breathe. She was meeting me kiss for kiss, though, so I knew she wanted this as much as I did. The fingernail marks she was leaving on my arms weren’t exactly keeping it a secret, either.

“There can be,” I said, moving down to kiss her neck, wrapping my arms around her again, almost grinding her into me. “I have about an hour.” Okay, that wasn’t true, I was due downstairs in fifteen minutes, but fuck it, she didn’t need to know that. I wasn’t going to give this up for anything. I had a habit of being late, but at least this time I’d have a good reason. The guys would understand, I was sure of it.

She leaned her head sideways to give me more access to her neck. Her skin was so smooth, so soft, and smelled so good, I couldn’t help but groan. Her fingers were in my hair, moving down over the back of my neck, to my shoulders, and it felt so good.

“Maybe Cammi will sleep in,” she gasped as I grabbed the bottom of her t-shirt and started to slide it up over her back. She let me remove the shirt, then crushed herself to me again, almost making me jump out of my pants at the feel of her skin on my chest. I almost wished I’d nailed a groupie the night before, just to make it easier for me to control myself.

I felt like I was on fire, like I couldn’t touch enough of her at once, and when her hands slipped into the waistband of my boxers, I was hard-pressed not to drag her to the floor and be done with it. But I didn’t want to scare her or give her the wrong idea again, so I held myself still.

“What are we doing?” she panted as I rolled her nipple between my fingers. Her back arched toward me and her hands never slowed on my stomach and chest. “Nick, I can’t think straight.”

“You don’t have to think,” I said, my voice sounding more like a growl as I bent to take that nipple between my teeth. She smelled like vanilla, and tasted even sweeter. I moaned at the feel of her on my tongue, at the small panting noises she was making.

“But this is what got us in trouble last time,” she said breathlessly. How the hell could she think at a time like this? I was having trouble forming coherent sentences as she rubbed her pelvis against my erection, and she wanted to talk about what was going on? I forced myself to concentrate, but I couldn’t let go of her nipple yet. It felt too good and tasted too amazing.

“Things are different this time,” I said, letting my breath wash over the wet spot I’d made on her breast. She shivered and gasped when I took her into my mouth again, sweeping my tongue over her. “We both know what’s going on.”

“That’s the problem,” she almost whimpered. “We haven’t resolved anything. Who knows how we’ll feel afterwards?”

I reluctantly pulled away from her and leaned my forehead against hers. Clearly we weren’t going any further until we talked it out, so I wanted to get that part over with as soon as possible.

“That’s up to you,” I said, watching her eyes. She looked totally confused. “But I can tell you that I want you now, and I still will afterwards. I won’t shut down on you again, I promise.”

She kissed me briefly. “I want to believe you,” she said, looking down at my chest. She moved forward so she was touching her chest to mine again and laid her head on my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my back. I held her for a moment, letting my breathing calm down, trying to get a fucking clue as to what was going on in her head. My body was raging to keep going, but I had to tell myself to calm the hell down, to not rush her, to let her take her time with this.

“Nick,” she breathed against my shoulder. “I want you, there’s no question about that. But I don’t want to feel cheap again, you know? Realistically, there’s not a chance in hell that I’ll see you again after today, at least, not intentionally. This would be just another one-shot deal. I don’t know if I can take that again.”

I set her away from me gently and went to the nightstand beside the bed. I couldn’t help but look longingly at that bed, doubting I’d get to use it the way I wanted to. I grabbed the pad of paper and pen that the hotel always provided and jotted my cell phone number down. I ripped the paper off the pad and took it over to her.

“You can get hold of me any time you want to,” I said as I handed it to her. “So the ball’s in your court. I won’t push you, I promise, but this won’t be a one-shot deal if we go through with it, okay?” I held my breath as she studied the paper for a moment, a strange look on her face. I wished I could read her mind, so I knew what the hell she was thinking, but I had to resign myself to waiting for her to tell me.

After the longest fucking time imaginable, she looked up at me. “Do you mean that?” she asked, a small smile on her face.

I nodded and reached for her. She dropped the paper as she kissed me again, and I assumed that was her way of giving me the go-ahead. She started to back me up, toward the bed, her hands almost rough on me now. I smiled as I let her climb on top of me. This could be a very good hour.