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“Charlotte, you’re late,” Nick scolded as I burst into the room. “Call time is six-thirty, and with the demands you put on your voice each night, you need this warm-up more than anyone.”

I felt my face heat up as I blushed. “I’m sorry, Nick,” I muttered as I took a spot next to Lisa, beside the piano. I saw the smirk on her face, though she tried to hide it by taking a sip of water from her bottle. I nudged her in the side as we began to do scales again. I saw Sean on the other side of the piano, watching me. I smiled, but he looked away.

After the warm up, on the way to the dressing rooms, Lisa caught up with me, linking her arm through mine. “So where’ve you been since you dropped me off?” she asked in a sing-song voice. Given the expression on her face, I knew exactly what was running through her dirty little mind.

“Sorry to disappoint you, but there was no blonde elf wig involved. We had dinner with my family,” I said simply, shrugging. “It ran a little long, that’s why I was late.”

“Uh-huh, sure,” she said, her eyes glowing. “So where is Mr. Incredible tonight?”

I checked my watch. It was about quarter after seven. “He’s probably at the hotel, getting ready to come to the show,” I said, unable to keep the smile from my face. The fact that he wanted to see me perform again made me warm from the inside out.

“He’s coming again?” she said, chuckling. “The boy’s got it bad, hasn’t he?”

I just grinned. We reached the dressing rooms and had to separate, so I could get my green paint on and she could deal with her own costume. As Janine was painting my back and arms, Sean came over, dressed in his first costume, and sat down beside me.

“Hey,” I said, trying to hold as still as possible as Janine brushed the cold paint onto my warm skin. “What’s up?” His face was serious, and that didn’t bode well for me.

“I wanted to talk to you about earlier,” he said quietly, so as not to be overheard by the other forty people roaming around. “There’s some things I want to get off my chest.”

“Now?” I said, turning my head to face him, only to have it jerked back roughly by Janine as she started on my neck. She caught my eyes in the mirror, a sympathetic expression on her face. “Sean, we have to prepare for the show, can’t we do this later?”

“No, we can’t,” he said, moving so that he was sitting directly in front of me. I now had no choice but to look at him. His eyes were sad, and I knew I wasn’t going to like what he had to say. He shifted uncomfortably. “Not with him around.”

“He has a name,” I said stiffly. “It’s Orlando.”

“Right.” He took my hand, but I pulled away. “Look, Charlie, I told you this morning that I’m interested in you, and I meant it. I think we work really well together, and I’ve never met anyone like you before.”

“But Sean, I’m with Orlando,” I said softly as Janine moved down my arm with the paint. “I’m in love with him, and that’s not going to change.”

“He’s never around,” Sean said, his voice rising slightly. “You haven’t seen him in two months, but you see me every day. You can’t tell me that when you kiss me out there on that stage every night it doesn’t mean something, that when we sing, it’s not all about me.”

“It is, but not in the way you’re thinking,” I said, fighting off the tears I could feel coming. “It’s about the character, about the love story between Elphaba and Fiyero. There’s nothing between us that way, and there can’t be as long as I’m with Orlando. It wouldn’t be right.” I paused. “Besides, I don’t want anyone but him. I’m sorry.”

“Damn it, Charlie,” he said, rising quickly to his feet so that I had to look up to see his face, much to Janine’s annoyance. “Don’t give me that crap, okay? You know there’s something here.”

I didn’t say anything for a minute. I couldn’t deny that he was attractive, and that it was very easy to play
the part of his lover, but he didn’t make me feel the way Orlando did. My stomach didn’t flutter and my heart didn’t pound around Sean, and I certainly didn’t have trouble keeping my hands to myself, the way I did with Orlando. In truth, I’d hoped he would get with Lisa, since she liked him so much. I hated the feeling of this whole thing, the crushes, the broken hearts, the miscommunications. Sean was a nice guy, but in the end, he wasn’t Orlando. No one could be like Orlando.

I took a deep breath. “Sean, listen to me, okay?” I said slowly, not wanting to get upset about this, especially half an hour to show time. “I want to be your friend, that’s all. I have a boyfriend I’m very much in love with, whether I see him every day or not, and I’m not going to start something with another man. It’s not right. Please understand that.”

His eyes burned angrily at me, and I know he wanted to say more, but there were too many people floating around us. “I’ll see you on stage,” he snapped, and stalked away, his head down.

I looked into the mirror to see Lisa standing behind me. I tried to smile, but what I really wanted was to get out of my make-up, throw my street clothes on, and get the hell out of the theatre. It would be pure torture to perform with Sean that night, and I didn’t know if I could handle it.

Lisa came forward to sit beside me, her hand on my knee. I knew she was hurt from the look on her face.

“I’m sorry,” I said as best I could, while Janine painted under my chin.

“It’s not your fault,” she said softly, giving my knee a squeeze. “You told him exactly what’s what, so there’s nothing more you can do.”

“Lisa, honey, I’ve got to do her face now,” Janine said, somewhat brusquely, as she started on my cheeks. “Can you do this later, when we don’t have a show to do?”

“Sorry, Janine,” Lisa said, standing up. In her cute little costume, she was all ready to go. I sometimes hated it that I was the one who took the longest to get ready. “We’ll talk later, okay?” she said to me, then turned and went into the wings.

I winked, simply because I couldn’t do anything else without ruining the paint while it dried. I focused my mind on the show as Janine finished my make-up and put on my wig, then helped me into my costume.

By the time the show started, I’d managed to put Sean from my mind, thinking only about the words I had to say and the music I had to sing. I let the passion and joy of being on the stage take over, but when it came time to do “As Long As You’re Mine” with Sean, I almost broke down at the pain in his eyes. He was making it too personal, his touches lasted a little longer than they should have, his looks were more than the character needed. I tried to get back to the way I’d felt with Orlando in the beginning, my main inspiration for the song, to the real feeling behind the words, but I couldn’t, and when the song ended, and Sean kissed me, I had trouble kissing him back, especially when his tongue opened my mouth and swept inside. That wasn’t part of the act, and he knew it. I couldn’t get into it, I couldn’t allow myself to go to that place with him, the place in my heart I saved only for Orlando, the place I needed to be to do the song and the show justice. After that, it felt like I was going through the motions, waiting for the show to end.

When our curtain call ended and I was finally able to get off the stage and into reality again, I tore off my wig and ran to the showers. I had given a sub-standard performance as far as I was concerned, because I’d let personal crap get in my way. As the hot water cascaded over my shaking body, I let the tears fall to join it in the drain. I stood there for endless minutes and let out the hurt, the disappointment I felt in myself, and in Sean for putting me in that position. I knew we’d have to talk it out, to yell and scream if need be, to get it all out.

When I’d finished in the shower, I changed into my jeans and sweater, since there was no party or reception that night to worry about. I must have been in the shower awhile, because most of the company was already gone, with one or two strays floating around, putting things away. Sean was sitting at my dressing table when I came out of the change room.

“What the hell was that?” I snapped as I sat down beside him.

“What?” he said innocently, his hand moving to my thigh. I pushed him roughly away.

“That crap you pulled on stage tonight,” I said, anger burning in me. “You know damned well that there’s not supposed to be tongue when we kiss.”

“But you kissed me back,” he said, his voice low. “That tells me you were feeling what I did.”

I laughed, a cold, cruel sound that I was surprised came from me. “You know why I kissed you back?” I said, a taunting edge in my voice. “Every night when I kiss you out there, it’s not you I think of. I see Orlando’s face, feel Orlando’s hands, and that’s what makes it’s so passionate, so powerful. It’s never been you, Sean, and it never will be.”

The hurt flashed across his face like lightning, and I knew what I’d said was mean and nasty, but I didn’t care. He hadn’t listened to me, he wasn’t respecting the fact that I was with someone, and it was time he knew where he stood.

“Why did you say that, Charlie?”

“Why did you stick your tongue down my throat?”

“Because I wanted to really kiss you,” he said softly, not looking at me. “I wanted to know what it was like to be the one you wanted, not just the one who watches while some other guy comes out of your bedroom after a night of making love with you. It hurt like hell to see him this morning, Charlie.”

“But Sean, he has every right to be there,” I said, softening. He was really hurting, and as angry as I was with him at the moment, he was still a friend. “Why didn’t you say something before now? Why didn’t you tell me so that we could work this out without having to go on stage together every night?”

He shrugged. “I thought you were keeping your distance because of Lisa, because she likes me,” he said, finally looking at me. “I couldn’t believe you were already with someone, because we never heard about him. I spend a lot of time in your apartment with you and Lisa, and he never called while I was there, and you never called him. He didn’t seem to exist, so I let myself believe he didn’t.”

“Sean, he does,” I whispered as his hand grabbed mine and he began stroking the back with his thumb. I stood up, but didn’t pull my hand away. “I’m sorry, but he’s very real, and he’s very much a part of my life.”

“If you were my girlfriend, I’d never leave,” he said softly, rising so he was standing right in front of me. “I’d find a job close to home and never let you out of my sight.”

“That sounds kind of stalkerish, don’t you think?” I teased, wanting to take the serious look from his face. I could feel the heat coming from his body, but for some reason, I didn’t step back.

“He’s crazy for being gone so much,” he whispered, leaning down toward me. Too late, I realized what he was going to do, as I felt his lips softly brush over mine. He put my hand around the back of his neck and snaked his around my waist, not letting me go. I put my hands on his chest, to shove him back, to break the kiss, but he became more insistent, more demanding, and I couldn’t pull back. I clamped my mouth closed when he tried to tease it open with his tongue, and started to struggle in earnest against him.

“What the fuck is this?” The angry voice shocked Sean enough so that I could push him roughly away. I didn’t dare turn around, I knew who was standing there, and I knew he was pissed off. I didn’t blame him. Without thinking, I raised my hand and slapped Sean, hard across the face.

“Don’t you ever do that again,” I hissed, fighting to control the urge to slap him again. Indignation and shame burned through me, as I knew what it must have looked like to Orlando.

“Charlie?” I could hear the hurt in Orlando’s voice, and I squeezed my eyes shut quickly before turning around. “What’s going on?” These last words were barely above a whisper.

I went to him, not knowing what else to do. I needed to take the hurt from his face, from his beautiful eyes, to make him realize what had just happened. I put my arms around him, and my heart broke when he didn’t respond, when he didn’t hug me back. I reached up to stroke his cheek, to make him listen, but he jerked away from my hand as though it burned.

“Orlando, I can explain,” I said, panic rising in my chest.

“I think you’d better,” he said, not looking at me, but over my shoulder, at Sean, his dark eyes practically flashing with anger.

I struggled to find the words to tell him what had happened. “I don’t know what to say,” I said finally, defeat flowing through me.

“Why don’t you tell me, mate?” he said to Sean, a calm menace in his voice. “I’d love to know why you were snogging my girlfriend.”

I turned around. Sean looked at his feet and shrugged. “It seemed like a good idea,” he said quietly. “I thought she wanted me to.”

I closed my eyes again, and when I opened them, Orlando was staring down at me, pain on his face. “Is that true?” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“No,” I said sadly, shaking my head gently. “It’s not true. In fact, I specifically told him I didn’t want anything to happen because I love you.” I looked at Sean. “Tell him the truth,” I said, practically pleading with him.

He sighed. “She’s right,” he said finally. “It was all me. She was trying to get away when you walked in.”

I felt so relieved that he’d told the truth, I gave him a small smile before looking up at Orlando. His eyes were narrowed slightly as he stared at Sean, as though trying to decide if he was telling the truth. His body was still rigid, and he had yet to touch me.

“Orlando,” I said quickly as he moved me to the side and approached Sean.

“Listen to me very carefully,” he said, getting right in Sean’s face. “I’m a patient guy, I’m pretty understanding most of the time, but when you start fucking with my girlfriend, I get a little angry. You don’t want to piss me off.” His eyes burned and I could see panic flash across Sean’s face briefly. Then Orlando turned on his heel and stormed out, leaving me to stare after him, dumbstruck.

“Look what you’ve done!” I practically screamed at Sean, tears spilling over to run down my face. “Stay out of my life, Sean, I don’t want you coming by the apartment, I don’t want you calling me, I don’t want anything to do with you outside of the show. Do you understand me? You don’t have any respect for me or for the fact that I’m in a relationship, and that’s sickening to me. I thought you were my friend, but your blatant disregard for my feelings tonight tells me otherwise.” I ran out, hoping I could catch Orlando before he left the theatre.

I managed to catch up to him in the lobby, where Lisa, my dad, Aunt Tess, and Deanna were waiting for us. He walked fast, toward the doors, but I managed to grab his arm and stop him. He turned on me.

“Orlando, talk to me,” I pleaded, crying openly. “It wasn’t my fault, Sean told you that.”

“Why didn’t you tell me he was coming on to you?” Orlando demanded loudly, grabbing my arms roughly. “Why did you let this happen?”

“Me?” I couldn’t believe he was blaming me for this, that he wasn’t seeing it for what it was. “I didn’t let it happen!”

“Yes, you did,” he snapped, shoving me back roughly. I saw my dad start forward out of the corner of my eye, but Aunt Tess put her hand on his arm to keep him back. “You could have gotten away from him if you’d wanted to. And why the hell were you even in the position to let him kiss you in the first place?”

“I wasn’t!” I cried, not caring that we were drawing a crowd, and that camera flashes were starting to go off. This time Dad got away from Aunt Tess and went over to where the cameras were. The flashes stopped.

“Oh no?” His sneer made his face ugly, the first time I’d ever thought that about him.

“No!” I put my hands on his chest, wanting to make him understand, but he shoved me back again. “Orlando, believe me,” I sobbed. “I was telling him I didn’t want anything to do with him that way, and he just kissed me. I was trying to get away, but I couldn’t, he was too strong. Please, I didn’t want it to happen, I swear I didn’t.”

“Damn it, Charlie,” he said, backing away from me. “What am I supposed to think? I walk in, expecting to congratulate you, to take you home, and I see you making out with some other guy? Do you have any idea how much that hurts?”

“About as much as you not believing me,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “Can we talk about this somewhere else?” I looked at the people around us, most of whom I had to work with the following day. “Anywhere but here?”

“I don’t want to talk to you at all,” he said, turned, and walked quickly from the building. I was too stunned to go after him, and I don’t know how long I stood there, tears streaming down my face, but eventually I felt Aunt Tess’s arms around my shoulders, and I felt myself being hugged, truly held, the way my mother used to hold me when I was a little girl. My dad came over to join in as well, and together they led me from the theatre, Deanna following quietly.

“The nerve of that boy,” Dad stormed when we got back to my apartment. “There’s a time and a place for everything, and that was neither the time nor the place for that.”

“Paul, that’s hardly the issue here,” Aunt Tess said softly, leading me to the sofa. Lisa took one look at me and pulled me into a hug. I felt numb, and my face was raw from crying. I couldn’t get Orlando’s hurt look out of my mind, couldn’t get his words out of my head. He’d basically accused me of inviting Sean’s advances, and it hurt that he didn’t trust me.

“Did he call?” I managed to rasp out. My voice was gone, from crying or from the stress of the show, I didn’t know.

“No, honey, he didn’t,” Lisa said as she checked the caller ID on the phone while gently pushing my hair out of my face. “I’m sorry.”

Dad raged in the kitchen for almost an hour, with Aunt Tess trying to calm him down, while Lisa, Deanna, and I went into my room for some quiet. I didn’t need to hear Dad’s rant about what a jerk Orlando was to humiliate me like that at the theatre, in front of my colleagues. That was the least of my worries. Lisa got the wine and ice cream, and we pigged out, after I had changed into my fuzzy pink fleece pajamas and pulled my hair up into a ponytail.

“It’ll be okay, Charlie,” Deanna said softly as she scooped ice cream into a bowl and handed it to me. “He’ll come back.” She paused. “What happened?”

“Good question, kid,” Lisa said, pouring the wine. “I’m wondering the same thing.”

I sighed. “Lisa, don’t hate me, but Sean kissed me,” I said hoarsely.

“He did?”

I nodded. “And Orlando walked in, and it was a mess.” I told them what had happened, tears starting to fall again.

“And he didn’t believe you had no part of it?” Lisa said when I’d finished. “What a prick.”

I shook my head quickly. “No, he’s not,” I said. “He just doesn’t know how to deal with it, that’s all.” I tried to smile. “He’ll come around.”

“I can’t believe Sean did that,” Lisa said, more to herself than me. “I know he slipped you the tongue tonight, but I didn’t know why.” She shook herself. “I’ll deal with that later, right now we need to focus on you.”

“I’m sorry, Lisa,” I said, squeezing her hand.

A knock on the door interrupted our bonding moment. Aunt Tess poked her head around the door.

“I think I’ve calmed your dad down enough to go back to the hotel,” she said, coming into the room. “I just hope we don’t run into Orlando in the elevator or something.”

“I’m sorry about this, Aunt Tess,” I said, getting up off the bed.

“Don’t worry about it, baby,” she said, hugging me. “It’ll all work out, you’ll see. He can’t stay mad forever.”

I tried to smile. “We’ll see, won’t we?”

Deanna, Aunt Tess, and Dad left Lisa and me to our ice cream a few minutes later, after hugs and promises to see us in the morning. Lisa and I finished our ice cream and tried to go to bed. I spent a very restless night, tossing and turning, before Lisa finally came and curled up with me, letting me cry myself to sleep. I was glad she was there, and when morning came, I actually felt a bit better.