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The following morning, bright and early, I was in a courtroom, waiting for Ramsey’s trial to begin. The room was intimidating, all dark woods and drab colours, and the judge sitting behind the bench didn’t look at all friendly. I hoped that would serve us well when it came to dealing with Ramsey.

I was prepped that morning by the prosecuting attorney, Caroline Grey, and knew that it would be a very long day. I was needed for that day and the following day, and possibly on the Friday as well. The rest of the time was mine to do with as I pleased, mainly to rehearse for Cooper’s show.

My dad and Aunt Tess were in the courtroom that day, to offer me support. I knew it would difficult to relive what Ramsey had done to me, but seeing their faces made it a little easier. I found I was really missing Orlando, and wishing he was there, as he’d planned to be before everything had gone so wrong. I pushed the thought away as I sat and waited to be called to the stand.

Joanne, Ramsey’s ex-girlfriend, was sitting in front of me, waiting to testify as well. Though we’d never seen eye-to-eye, I had nothing against her. It wasn’t her fault Ramsey was a bastard and had decided to cheat on me. She had borne the brunt of his anger, since every time I saw her she had new bruises. I wanted to say something to her, but I didn’t know what. I figured it would all be said on the stand.

The first part of the day passed fairly quickly, as the opening statements were read, and the lawyers began to build their cases. There were some minor witnesses, my old landlord, for one, testifying to the damage that had been done to my apartment, and also a couple of doctors who’d treated both Joanne and me when Ramsey had beaten us. Finally, after a brief lunch break, it was my turn.

I walked to the stand with a heavy heart, my stomach in knots. I didn’t want to talk about what had happened, but I had to, he needed to be punished for what he did. I settled myself on the witness stand, and braced myself for the blow I knew was coming.

“Ms. Madison,” Caroline Grey said, after I was sworn in. She was standing in front of me, blocking my view of my dad and Aunt Tess. “Tell us your relationship to the defendant.”

“He’s my ex-boyfriend,” I said.

“Tell me a bit about your relationship,” she said, pacing in front of me. “How long were you together?”

“Just under two years,” I said.

“And why did you break up?”

“He, uh, he became abusive,” I said softly, looking down at my hands. When I looked up again, I saw my dad shift uncomfortably in his seat.

“Define what you mean by abusive, please.”

“Well, he put me in the hospital twice,” I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking. Ramsey was sitting at the table with his lawyers, staring at me. His expression wasn’t exactly friendly, and I felt my stomach churn. I was still afraid of him.

“How did he do that?”

“He beat me.” The words were barely audible.

“I’m sorry?”
“He beat me,” I said again, louder this time. I saw Aunt Tess flinch.

“Can you describe for us what he did?” Caroline was looking at me intently now, a sympathetic expression on her face. She’d warned me it wouldn’t be pretty to go through this on the stand, but she’d promised to go as easy as she could on me.

I took a deep breath. “The first time was really unexpected,” I said. “He’d been drinking, and I didn’t get him another beer fast enough. He, uh, he punched me in the face a couple times, until I fell, then he started kicking and punching my back and sides.” I stopped as tears welled in my eyes at the memory of laying on the floor, looking up at him through my own blood, hoping he’d either stop or kill me, either way to just make it stop. “I don’t know how long it went on, because I blacked out, and when I woke up, I was alone on the floor.”

“What were your injuries?” Caroline asked, going to the table and picking up some papers.

“I had a black eye, a swollen jaw, some broken ribs, and a lot of bruises,” I said, locking eyes with my dad. I saw his tears, and somehow it comforted me. I was grateful that he was there.

“The doctor’s report here says that you were in the hospital for quite some time,” Caroline said, bringing me the papers. “Two weeks, is that right?”

“Yes.”

“And what happened the second time?”

I hesitated, knowing I was an idiot for letting it happen again. “I broke up with him, and he snapped,” I said slowly. I couldn’t help it, I looked over at Ramsey, feeling the hate and fear mixing inside me, making me want to both run away and kick him, all at the same time. “I confronted him about an affair, and when I turned to leave, he punched me in the back of the head. I don’t remember much else, but I came to in the hospital, and I was pretty banged up again.”

“And what were your injuries this time?” She flipped through the papers.

“Nothing was broken, but I had swelling on my sides, around my ribcage, and another black eye. Mostly it was just bruises.”

“Did you see him again after that?”

“Not willingly, no.”

“Explain, please.”

I sighed. “He started showing up at my apartment, and would force his way in.”

“Did he ever beat you again?”

“No, he didn’t. I didn’t give him the chance.”

Caroline paused for a moment, flipping through papers again. “Tell us what happened on the fifteenth of September, 2005.”

“I’d been away for a few days,” I said, shifting in my seat as Aunt Tess caught my eye again. She gave me a reassuring smile, and I continued. “I came home, and found that my apartment had been wrecked.”

“Was there anything that gave you the impression it was more than just a simple robbery?”

“The word ‘bitch’ was written on the mirror in my lipstick,” I said. “And nothing was missing. Everything was just destroyed.”

“Do you still live at the same residence?”

“No, I moved shortly after,” I said. She’d told me not to mention that I’d been planning on moving anyway.

“Did you spend another night in your apartment after this?”

“No,” I said. “I stayed with relatives until I moved.”

The questions went on like this for another hour or so, as I dissected every part of our relationship, and by the time I was dismissed, I was exhausted. I stepped down from the witness stand and walked out of the courtroom, as I’d been instructed.

Dad and Aunt Tess caught up with me in front of the courthouse. I’d gone outside for some fresh air, to calm myself down. Dad hugged me tightly, and I let the tears spill over. It had been an emotional day, and I wanted nothing more than to go home and go to bed, but I couldn’t. I’d promised Cooper we could work on some of the songs from the show that day, not counting on being so wiped out from my first day in court.

“Come on, honey, we’ll take you home,” Aunt Tess said, putting her arm around me and leading me to Dad’s car. “Some tea and a nap will do you wonders.”

“I can’t,” I said, letting her lead me away. “I have to go to Cooper’s and do some work on the show. I promised.”

“Charlie, you’ve just had a really emotional day, you don’t need any more stress,” Dad said, opening the car door for me.

“Singing isn’t stress,” I said as I got in the backseat. “It might be just what I need right now.”

“Are you sure?” Aunt Tess said, turning to look at me from the passenger seat. “Cooper would probably understand if you cancelled for today.”

“No, we don’t have a lot of time to work on this stuff,” I said. “We need all the practice we can get.”

No more was said about it, and we were home within fifteen minutes. I ran upstairs and changed into jeans and a sweatshirt, grabbed my music, and was just heading out of my room when my cell phone rang. I dug around in my purse and answered it.

“How did it go today?” I smiled at the sound of Adam’s voice.

“It was long,” I said, running down the stairs. “Hang on,” I said into the phone, then called out to Dad and Aunt Tess, “I’m going, I’ll be back in a few hours.” I walked out the door and down the sidewalk. “Okay, sorry about that.”

“Where are you heading?” Adam asked.

“Just to Cooper’s to work on some of the music,” I said, enjoying the crisp, cool February air. “I’d really rather be curled up in bed right now with a movie and some ice cream, though.”

“You sound tired, sweetheart,” he said, and his term of endearment made me smile.

“So I’m a ‘sweetheart’ now, am I?” I teased. “I like the sound of that.”

“Do you?” he said, and I could hear the humor in his voice. “I’m glad to hear it.” He paused. “I was afraid it would be weird after last night’s conversation,” he said quietly, the humor gone from his voice.

“Why?”

“Because I was sure you would go all distant on me again while you’re thinking about things,” he said. “But, Charlie, ever since last night, I’ve wanted to tell you how much I care about you, how much I…”

“Don’t say it,” I cut him off. “Adam, don’t say that to me right now, okay?” I said, guilt firmly planting itself in my stomach. At this rate, I was sure I’d have an ulcer before I was 25. “It’s just not the right time.”

“You already know, though,” he said.

“I know, and I appreciate it,” I said, a little too formally. “But just give me some time before you try to say it again. It wouldn’t be fair for you to tell me that, and then have me decide to go with Orlando.”

“Is that what you’re planning to do?” He sounded wary, almost hurt.

“I don’t know,” I said, feeling so tired as I walked. I crossed a street and turned the corner onto Cooper’s street. “Please, just give me some time.”

“I wish you were here right now,” he said, sounding eerily like Orlando, though, obviously without the accent. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“This is exactly what we didn’t want to happen, remember?” I said. “No promises, nothing too hard.”

“True enough,” he said, his tone somewhat sad. “I won’t mention it again, until you’ve had time to think.”

“Thank you,” I said, smiling to myself. I stopped in front of Cooper’s house. “I have to go, I’m at Cooper’s now,” I said. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay? Give Lisa a kiss for me.”

“Take care of yourself, Charlie,” he said, and I could almost see the small smile on his face.

I hung up the phone and hurried up the stairs to Cooper’s door. I knocked, and within seconds I was swept up in his arms. I laughed.

“Hello, gorgeous,” he said when he’d set me away from him. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” I teased, feeling so happy to be with him. I’d missed spending time with him. “So, how hard are you going to make me work today?”

“Probably not as hard as your big Broadway show does,” he said, smirking as he led me into his music room. His baby grand piano stood in one corner, his guitar and amp beside it, and his corded microphones perched on stands beside the door. The headset microphones were lined up on the shelf on the wall across from the piano. I had always loved this room, how professional all of the equipment was. It was like our own little world where music was the only thing we’d ever need.

“I don’t know,” I teased, sitting behind one of the music stands in the center of the room. “You’re as much of a slave driver as Nick has ever been.”

“Are you complaining?”

I laughed. “Oh no, of course not,” I said. “Nothing wrong with a little hard work. So what are we working on?”

“I want to go through pretty much all of your stuff today and tomorrow,” he said, sitting behind the piano. “Basically, whatever you want to start with is fine with me.”

I set the music on the stand and began looking through it. I wanted something that could really put my emotional turmoil to good use. I stopped when I came to the music from Aida.

“Can we do ‘Elaborate Lives’?” I said, pulling the song out of the pile.

“That only has the small harmony part in the end for you,” he said, a confused expression on his face.

“No, not that one, the Reprise,” I said, gesturing to the music. “It’s all me, remember? I think I could do it justice right now.”

“Sure, sounds good,” he said, pulling the song out of his own pile of music that sat on top of the piano. “I hear you’ve been performing with Adam Pascal for the past few weeks. It’s appropriate that you would pick something of his.”

“Aida and Rent are two of your key shows,” I pointed out. “He’s from the original cast of both. I couldn’t really get around it, now could I?” I didn’t tell him what was going on between Adam and me, he wouldn’t have been any help at all.

“I’ll give you that,” Cooper said, smiling. He began to play the intro to the song.

“We all lead such elaborate lives,” I sang, closing my eyes as I let the music take over. “Wild ambitions in our sights. How an affair of the heart survives days apart and hurried nights. Seems quite unbelievable to me, I don’t want to live like that. Seems quite unbelievable to me, I don’t want to love like that, I just want our time to be slower, gentler, wiser, free.” I wasn’t sure which man I was singing about, maybe both, but I felt the pain and anguish the words were reflecting. When I opened my eyes, my vision was blurred by tears.”

“We all live in extravagant times, playing games we can’t all win. Unintended emotional crimes, take some out, take others in.” The words flowed from my mouth, and I saw Cooper watching me over the top of the piano. “Too many choices tear us apart, I don’t want to live like that. Too many choices tear us apart, I don’t want to love like that, I just want to keep your heart. May this confession be the start.” In my mind’s eye, I saw Orlando and Adam both, and I ached at the thought of hurting either one. I closed my eyes again, to really tap into the pain I was starting to feel. “I know you’ll give me courage to face what I must face. With all these complications in another time and place.”

Cooper joined me for the harmony, shocking me somewhat that he was still in the room. I was so lost in my own heartache. “We all lead such elaborate lives, we don’t know whose words are true. An affair of the heart survives all the pain the world can do.”

“I’m so tired of all we’re going through,” Cooper sang, though he wasn’t quite as into it as I was. “I don’t want to live like that.”

“I’m so tired of we’re going through, I don’t want to love like that,” I returned, letting the tears roll down my face. “I just want to be with you, now and forever, peaceful, true.” I closed my eyes and again saw their faces, but I couldn’t for the life of me decide who I was singing to.

When the song ended, Cooper got up and came around the piano. He hugged me tightly for a moment, then released me so he could look down at me. “That was intense,” he said. “Were you thinking about Orlando?”

“You could say that,” I said, returning to the music stand. “There’s a lot going on right now, and I needed to get some of that extra crap off my chest, you know?”

“I understand,” he said, going back to the piano. Thankfully, he didn’t press me anymore.

We worked on the song a few more times, with choreography, then moved on to something else. We managed to get through about half of the songs I was going to do by the time I left. As I walked home, I couldn’t help but think that we’d actually accomplished a lot, and that I felt a bit better.

The next day was every bit as hard as the one before, if not worse. I was cross-examined by Ramsey’s attorney, and he was a ruthless bastard when it came to trying to destroy my credibility.

“Ms. Madison,” Corben Crawford said, pacing in front of me as Ramsey watched with a satisfied smirk on his face. “Tell me, where are you living now?”

“New York City,” I said.

“Why such a big re-location?”

“I’m performing in a show on Broadway,” I said coldly, knowing exactly where he was going. His dark blue suit and matching tie made him look very official, very professional, very intimidating, which I’m sure was the desired effect.

“And when did you find out you’d been offered a part?”

“The end of August.”

“So you were planning to move before my client allegedly broke into your apartment?”

“Not exactly,” I said.

“Explain, please.”

“I’d planned to spend eight months in New York, and then return to my apartment,” I said, hoping he couldn’t find a way to make the truth look like a lie.

“When did you give up your apartment?”

“Just before Christmas,” I said.

“Why?”

“I didn’t feel safe going back to it,” I said. “Ramsey got in once, what’s to say he wouldn’t do it again?”

“Isn’t it true that your contract with your show is being renewed?”

I hadn’t seen that coming. “I don’t really know as yet,” I said. “They don’t tell us anything until about two weeks before our contracts expire.” Indirectly, this was the truth. I knew from Nick, off the record, that my contract was being renewed, but nothing was official yet.

“Can you tell us what happened with Sean Bryant on New Years’ Eve?”

I blinked, not sure I’d heard him right. How did Sean have anything to do with Ramsey? I swallowed before answering him. “He tried to rape me at the theatre.”

“Tried?”

“He wasn’t successful,” I said snottily.

“And what were your injuries from this supposed attempted rape?”

“Cracked ribs, some bruising, a lot of pain,” I said, getting angry at what he was implying.

“So pretty much the same injuries you sustained, supposedly, at my client’s hands?”

“There’s no ‘supposedly’ about it,” I snapped.

“Doesn’t it seem a bit odd that you received the same injuries from two different men, on three different occasions?”

“Not really,” I said. “They just happened to aim for the same places.”

“Or those injuries weren’t as legitimate as you’d like us to believe.”

“Objection!” Caroline Grey shot out of her seat. “Your honor, there’s no evidence to suggest that Ms. Madison fabricated any of her injuries. And Mr. Crawford is badgering the witness.”

“She’s right, counselor,” the judge said to Mr. Crawford, his tone firm. “Sustained.”

After that, Corben Crawford tried another line of questioning, attacking me for going back to Ramsey after the first beating, basically implying it couldn’t have been all that bad if I went back for more. I was on the stand for four hours that day, going through these horrible personal attacks. Needless to say, when it was over, I really wanted to see a friendly face. Dad and Aunt Tess hadn’t been able to come to court that day, they’d had to work, so I headed over to Cooper’s.

“Hey, honey,” he said when he opened the door. “You don’t look so hot.”

“That horrible lawyer raked me over the coals today,” I said, shaking my head as he led me into the living room. It was almost dinner time, and there were delicious smells coming from his kitchen. “What are you making?”

“Just a lasagna,” he said, taking my coat. “You hungry?”

“Famished.”

“Good, there’s lots to eat,” he said as I sat down on his ridiculously comfortable sofa. “Wine, my dear?”

“Please.” I sighed, stretching my feet out in front of me and kicking off my high-heeled pumps. My feet were really starting to hurt. “I really hope I don’t have to go back on Friday.”

“Me too,” he said, handing me a glass of white wine. I took a sip and closed my eyes in bliss as the cold liquid slid down my throat. “I don’t need you exhausted for our final dress rehearsal.” He paused, then sat down beside me on the sofa. “You have all of the outfits I specified, right?”

I chuckled as I took another sip of wine. “Yes, Cooper,” I said. “I brought the outfits you specified. I had a hard time replicating my Wicked costumes, though. You’ll have to look at what I managed to get from Nick.”

“We’ll go through it tomorrow morning when we go to the venue,” he said. “So, you need to tell me what happened with Orlando. One minute you two are completely in love, the next you’ve broken up. What gives?”

I sighed. “I think we need something stronger than wine if I’m going to get into that,” I said, leaning my head on the back of the sofa. “It’s a long story, and there’s another twist you’re not yet aware of.”

“Oh God,” he said, his eyes going wide. “You’re not pregnant, are you?”

I laughed at the expression on his face. “Oh no, nothing like that,” I assured him. “But I can tell you that Adam Pascal is as passionate offstage as he is on.”

“Um, are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Cooper said, a knowing gleam in his eyes.

“That Adam and I have become somewhat involved, yes,” I said, finishing off my wine. He immediately got up to pour me another glass.

“You didn’t waste any time, did you?”

“It’s not like that,” I said, sipping my new glass of wine. “He’s just newly separated from his wife, and we sort of came to trust each other, since we were going through the same type of situation. One thing led to another, and I found myself in bed with him.”

“And now?”

“And now I’m left with a decision I never thought I’d have to make,” I said, shifting so my feet were tucked under me. “Orlando wants to get back together, but now I’m torn between him and Adam, and I really don’t know what to do.”

“Why don’t you start at the beginning, and tell me everything?” Cooper suggested, getting up and going into the kitchen. The oven timer went off, and a few minutes later, he was handing me a plate of hot lasagna, vegetarian, of course.

As we ate, I told him what had happened with Orlando, and then what had happened with Adam, and everything in between. I talked for a good two hours, and by the time I was done, he had an incredulous look on his face.

“You should really write that down,” he teased, re-filling my wine glass yet again. I was definitely getting light-headed from all the wine, but I didn’t care. “Your life would make the best-seller list any day.”

“Not helping,” I said, grabbing another brownie from the plate he’d brought out after dinner. “So what do I do about this, Cooper? Who do I choose?”

“Who do you want to choose?”

“I don’t know,” I sighed, taking a bite of the brownie. I was quiet for a moment while I chewed, then I looked at him, a sad smile on my face. “No matter what I do, someone is going to get hurt. I don’t like that idea.”

“That’s a downside, yes,” he agreed, biting into his own brownie. “But you have to ask yourself, realistically, which man you’ll be happier with. They’re very different people, with very different lives, and you need to figure out who will best fit into your life.”

“Well, let’s break this down, then,” I said, setting the delicious brownie on a napkin on the coffee table. “Okay, Adam first.”

“All right.”

“For one, he’s local,” I said, counting my points on my fingers, like a child would do. “I don’t have to worry about being away from him for months at a time, given we work together.”

“For now,” Cooper pointed out. “When your contracts expire, it could be a totally different situation.”\

“True,” I agreed. “But his sons are in New York, so he’ll be tied to the city anyway, and I plan to stay there after Wicked to do other shows. Cooper, think about it. We work in the same industry, we’ll always be in contact with each other. I can’t say the same about Orlando, now can I?”

“No, you can’t,” he said, shaking his head. “So Adam’s local. What else?”

“We share the same passions,” I said, ticking off another point on my fingers. “We’re both very passionate about music and performing, and we understand each other that way.”

“Okay, what else?”

“We get along really well,” I said. “There’s been a comfort level between us since day one, and I like that. I could sit and talk to him for hours, about anything and everything, which is nice.”

“You could say the same about Orlando, though, couldn’t you?” Cooper said, grabbing another brownie.

“I don’t want to think about that yet,” I said. “We’re focusing on Adam right now.”

“Sorry,” he said, around a mouthful of brownie. “Go on.”

“Let’s not forget the fact that I’ve had a crush on Adam since I was thirteen,” I said, grinning as I saw his face in my mind’s eye when I’d told him that. “He’s a dream come true, really.”

“Is that really a reason to be with someone?”

“It doesn’t hurt.” I grinned. “He’s an excellent lover, a caring father, a dedicated friend, and a wonderful performer. I mean, he has flaws, like everyone else, but he’s amazing, you know?”

“I understand,” Cooper said, nodding. “Okay, Orlando now.”

“Where do I start?” I sighed, laying my head back on the sofa. “He’s Orlando, I don’t know how to put that into words. He’s everything I ever wanted, so sweet, and gentle, and loving. He’s so level-headed, considering how famous he is, and he cares about me so much.” I felt tears sting my eyes as I spoke, my heart swelled, and the old fire began to burn within me. “He’s beautiful and smart, and so talented, and I love him so much.” I sighed again, heavily, and closed my eyes. “Cooper, he’s my Orlando, and that’s better than anything else could ever be.”

“Even despite the separations, and the fact that he broke up with you?”

“Yes,” I said, a tear sliding down my face. “Cooper, I need him, I really do.”

“And Adam?”

“I care about him, yes, and I can be his friend, but I want to be with Orlando. It’s that simple.”

“How are you going to make that happen?”

“I’ll deal with it when I go back to New York,” I said. “I want to do your show here, give it my all, and then I’ll focus on the rest later.”

“What are you going to do when you get home?”

I smiled, a genuine smile that reflected all the joy I was feeling. “Just leave it with me,” I said. “I’ll come up with something, trust me.”